Oct 252011
 

Congratulations go out to Commissioner Roger Goodell. His goal has finally been achieved. He has successfully pussified the National Football League.

I tuned in to the Four Letter hoping to hear Trent Dilfer announce he was coming out of retirement to play for the Baltimore Ravens. He certainly couldn’t do any worse than last night’s performance by Joe Flacco. But rather than glorious analysis highlighting every one of the Ratbirds many flaws, I instead had to listen to the talking heads go on and on about the catfight between the Detroit Lions’ Ndamukong Suh and several members of the Atlanta Falcons. For those lucky smart enough to avoid the mind-numbing prattle, the story goes after quarterback Matt Ryan was hurt on a play late in Sunday’s game, Suh and teammate Cliff Avril stood there taunting him about the injury.

OH NOES! THE HORROR!

This is what the NFL has become. It used to be a game played by the biggest bad-asses on the planet. Men who popped dislocated fingers back into place so they could go right back to the business of  beating the crap out of each other. Now we have a handful of sissies posting tweets about how some nasty ‘ol lineman said some mean things about their poor wittle quarterback.

One of my favorite stories about the Steel Dynasty of the 70s concerns a game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and Dallas Cowboys. After the Steelers kicker shanked a 33 yard field goal, a Cowboy by the name of Cliff Harris patted him on the head and thanked him for missing. Jack Lambert saw this, ran over to Harris and tossed him on the ground like yesterday’s newspaper. This happened in full view of the officials but when Lambert pointed out he was standing up for teammate and promised he would behave the rest of the afternoon, the refs decided to let it slide. By the way, this happened in a little game called Super Bowl X.

Can you imagine what kind of hubbub that would cause if it happened today? There would be more flags on the field than there are at the United Nations. It would be replayed every ten minutes on SportsCenter with the various talking heads calling for Lambert to be suspended. The Ginger Dictator would levy a fine of historic proportions. At the very least, Jack Splat would be forced to apologize for being too manly.

I just don’t understand how we’ve gone from Mean Joe Greene clubbing guys upside the head on his way to sacking the quarterback to a bunch of pansies cry-babying on social media that an opposing player said something mean. Seriously?  This is what the NFL has become?

Just another notch in the Ginger Dictator’s belt. When you fine and suspend guys for every minor offense under the sun, you breed this sort of kindergarten tattle-tale mentality. Which brings to mind another story which broke over the weekend but the media has mostly forgotten. Not surprising since it involves a Steeler.

Last week, Troy Polamalu had to leave the game after taking a pretty nasty knee to the noggin. Cameras caught Troy talking on a cell phone while he remained on the sideline. It was later revealed he had called his wife to assure her he was not seriously injured. The use of cell phones on the sidelines is prohibited but that rule is to prevent guys from tweeting or sending texts, surely nobody would object to a man calling his concerned wife?

Well, nobody except the Ginger Dictator, who fined Troy $10,000 for the crime of comforting a worried spouse. Just when I think Ginger has set the bar for dickish behavior, he finds a way to top it. Bravo, sir.

For those keeping score at home, let’s take a look at Goodell’s idea of fair discipline. So I don’t have to comb through pages and pages (and there are pages and pages) of fines, we’ll limit ourselves to the past two weeks.

Chop block which could potentially end someone’s career: $7,500
Flashing the middle finger to the other team’s sideline: $7,500
Wearing yellow shoes with navy blue throwback uniforms: $5,000
Two jackass coaches nearly turning the post-game handshake into the Royal Rumble: $0
Calling your wife after suffering a minor concussion to assure her you’re OK: $10,000

Yep, that seems totally fair.

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