Preseason Archives - Total Steelers » Total Steelers

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Smell the excitement!

Amid much fanfare and anticipation, the NFL unveiled the complete schedule for the upcoming season. Which means we have our first look at the Pittsburgh Steelers 2014 schedule. It also means in the days to come some goofs at other sites will attempt to “analyze” the schedule, perhaps wasting your time with win/loss predictions or even offering extremely premature game previews. Needless to say such posts are ridiculous. When last year’s slate was announced, who could’ve predicted the Steelers would lose to the wretched Minnesota Vikings or foresaw them being beaten on a cold wintry day by the sun lovin’ Miami Dolphins? Continue reading »

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Last season, the Pittsburgh Steelers rested almost half their starters during the team’s final preseason game. Mike Tomlin made the mistake of announcing this beforehand and fans reacted accordingly. I’m sure he got a stern talking to because when you make it obvious that a game doesn’t matter, people don’t watch and more importantly they don’t show up to pay overpriced parking or buy watered down beer. So this year, Coach T kept his intentions to himself.

Not that anything different happened. Last night, the Steelers played their fourth and final preseason game. And last night, Ben Roethlisberger, Troy Polamalu, Ryan Clark, Ike Taylor, LaMarr Woodley, Brett Keisel, Antonio Brown, Emmanuel Sanders, and even backup quarterback Bruce Gradkowski all didn’t dress.

It was Scrub-a-poloza in Carolina last night as the Black and Gold went 0-fer the preseason, falling to the Panthers 25-10. Thus concludes Pittsburgh’s first winless preseason since Bill Cowher’s final season back in 2006 and only their third in nearly 50 years. Again, the worst team ever, the 0-16 Detroit Lions, went undefeated that preseason so these games are hardly an accurate predictor of the season to come. Still, it doesn’t exactly instill one with a great deal of confidence coming off a miserable 8-8 campaign.

So, what’s Tomlin’s assessment of his team pulling a Detroit this preseason? Continue reading »

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Tonight, the Pittsburgh Steelers travel down to Charlotte for their annual preseason meeting with the Carolina Panthers. Why do we always play the Panthers, you may ask? Because Panthers owner Jerry Richardson is a card-carrying member of the FOD (Friends of Dan, as in Rooney). So while the Rooneys and the Richardsons sip Mint Juleps and discuss tee times up in the owners box, we get to see the Panthers at least once every year. Yippee.

To make a meaningless game even more meaningless, this is the fourth and final game of the preseason for the Black and Gold. The fourth game is the one where coaches are most careful. Anybody with so much as an ingrown toenail sits out because nobody wants to lose a player one short week away from the regular season. Last year, Mike Tomlin announced half the starting line-up wasn’t even going to be in uniform. As of this writing, Coach T hasn’t said much other than Landry Jones would be seeing the bulk of the playing time.

In other words, feel free to watch the Pittsburgh Pirates unless you’re a degenerate gambler who bet on this game or you really really have a thing for young Landry. Continue reading »

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Pop Quiz: What’s worse than an NFL preseason game?

Answer: An NFL preseason game that goes into overtime.

The Pittsburgh Steelers remained O for the preseason on Saturday, falling to the Kansas City Chiefs 26-20 in overtime. Seriously, overtime? They couldn’t just agree to shake hands and call it a tie? Screw the degenerate gamblers who bet on exhibition games.

While nobody wants to go winless at anything, one ray of sunshine coming out of Saturday’s performance was that it was much improved over the first two debacles. Considering the third preseason game is a dress rehearsal for the regular season with starters playing a full half (or more), that’s obviously a really good thing. The other positive development was that the Steelers emerged from the game more or less unscathed. Continue reading »

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The Pittsburgh Steelers meet the Kansas City Chiefs tonight in the all-important third exhibition preseason  game.  As I did last season, I beseech you, if you’re going to the game, don’t walk under any ladders.  Steer clear of black cats.  And if you own a rabbit’s foot, by all means bring it with you. That is, if the NFL Security Overlords permit you to smuggle it in within your regulation size purse.

The third preseason game is always a mixed blessing. It’s the most watchable game because starters usually see a good half of action in preparation for the season opener. But it’s also the scariest because within that half, you’re constantly hoping and praying none of the starters get injured. In a just world, when that half is over, everybody is healthy and ready for the regular season.

Unfortunately, we don’t live in a just world. Continue reading »

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Keep repeating: “It’s only the preseason. It’s only the preseason.”

The Pittsburgh Steelers played their second preseason game last night, losing to the Washington Redskins 24-13. The final score isn’t as important as how the team performed. In their first preseason game, the Black and Gold looked sloppy and undisciplined. If nothing else, I was hoping to see the team’s level of play improve across the board.

Talk about one step forward, two steps back. Where to begin with last night’s debacle? Continue reading »

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The Pittsburgh Steelers fell to the New York Giants 18-13 in Saturday night’s preseason debut. I note the score because I love being on Twitter during these meaningless games and watching Steeler Nation freak out over such minute details. I guess such passion even for games featuring a bunch of guys who’ll be selling car insurance two weeks from now goes hand in hand with having the best fan base in all of football. Remember, people, the Detroit Lions went undefeated in the preseason before taking an O-fer the entire regular season.

With that in mind, there were some interesting storylines coming out of the game: Continue reading »

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The Pittsburgh Steelers kick off their preseason against the New York Giants tonight. For those of you outside of the Steel City who are just dying to see undrafted free agents pretend to be pro ball players for a couple halves before embarking on a career selling used cars, the game will be airing on NFL Network. The red hot Pirates are in Colorado so when every player of consequence comes out by about 8:30, I’ll probably be switching the channel along with every other bandwagon jumping yinzer. Continue reading »

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The Pittsburgh Steelers arrived in Latrobe on Friday, officially kicking off training camp with their annual Welcome Back “conditioning test” aka long-ass run. I’m happy to report there were no stragglers this season, sparing us the ignominious sight of a lone out-of-shape fatso struggling to jiggle their enormous mass across the rolling hills of St. Vincent’s College (I’m looking at you, Casey Hampton). Even offensive lineman Mike Adams completed the test, an impressive feat considering he’s only two months removed from being stabbed in the gut.

Continue reading »

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The NFL already has so many different revenue streams team owners are swimming in pools of money, Scrooge McDuck-style. Not content to stop while they’re ahead, the NFL is constantly trying to branch out into new areas. Having already cornered the market on selling XXXL size t-shirts to every adult male in Cleveland and obscenely priced Bumblebee throwbacks to the colorblind, the NFL is now trying to peddle more merchandise to women. To that end they’ve brought in a bunch of celebrities to be featured in ads aimed at chicks.

Guess who they have modelling Pittsburgh Steelers gear?

Why it’s Hines Ward‘s old partner and Big Ben’s biggest fan, Dancing With The Stars Kym Johnson! Looks like Hines made a pretty big impression on her. Considering she’s Australian, I guess she was free to adopt whatever team she wanted. Between Kym and Russell Crowe, who  appeared on the Steelers’ sideline a couple years back, the Black and Gold seems to be the official team of the Land Down Under.

Speaking of the Steelers, last night was the team’s final preseason game. I only watched about twenty minutes of it which was just enough time to watch Chris Rainey have two punt return TDs called back by penalty. Maybe they should re-hire Al Everest. It was also enough time to see third round pick LB Sean Spence go down with what appeared to be a season-ending injury. People are making a big deal about this but Spence probably wouldn’t have played much this year anyway. The far more important development was Casey Hampton being back in the starting line-up when many thought he wouldn’t be ready for the first month of the season.

The Steelers will have to cut down to their final 53 man roster by tonight. I’m heading out for a short Labor Day vacation so I’ll be back on Tuesday with an analysis of who they cut vs who they kept. In the meantime, enjoy this gallery of the newest (and hottest) member of Steeler Nation. And remember, if you’re a woman and these ads have convinced you to buy a jersey, for the love of Cope don’t buy one of those abominable pink things.

They’re worse than the Bumblebees.

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