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Know Thy Enemy: Cleveland Browns

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What? Know Thy Enemy on a Wednesday? This can mean only one thing: Thursday Night Football! And if you thought ESPN picked a lousy slate of games, man, you ain’t got nothin’ on the NFL Network.

It seems like every year, the AFC North is a three horse race. The Pittsburgh Steelers and Baltimore Ravens are the two thoroughbreds in the hunt pretty much every season. The third horseman alternates between the Bengals and the Cleveland Browns. When one is up, the other is usually down.

During the 2009 Super Bowl Hangover year, Cincinnati took advantage of the opening by winning the division before flaming out spectacularly in their lone playoff game. Last year, the Bungles were a mess, hijacked by the clown show being put on by Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco. It was the Browns turn to look like a legitimate NFL franchise. Even though they didn’t win many games (5), rookie quarterback Colt McCoy led the team during a surprisingly competitive stretch which had people believing in a bright future for Cleveland.

Oh, those silly silly people…

The Browns are back in their customary position of irritating little bugs while the Steelers are the windshield headed right toward them tomorrow night.
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Week 13 Recap: Once A Bungle, Always A Bungle

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Early in the fourth quarter of yesterday’s game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and Cincinnati Bengals, CBS came back from a break with the sound of “Renegade” clearly audible in the background. I love the Steelers unofficial fight song but pulling out the rally hair metal when the Black and Gold are putting the finishing touches on 35-7 ass-whuppin’ is a bit unnecessary. Like when dickish college coaches dial up a 45 yard bomb already up four touchdowns on a Division I-AA opponent. Or when an NFL team gives their asshat head coach a Gatorade bath for winning a regular season game.

To paraphrase the late great Myron Cope, “Renegade,” like the power of the Terrible Towel, should be saved for when we really need it.

I won’t lie, I thought we were in for a loooong afternoon after the Steelers began yesterday’s game with a three and out in which Mike Wallace dropped a 20 yard pass that hit him in the hands. Andy Dalton responded by hooking up with AJ Green for 43 yards a few plays later. Normally dependable Ike Taylor had a rough time keeping up with Green all afternoon, although did have his second pick of the season later on. The Bengals had a first and goal at the Steelers 8 before you could say, “Anything you can do, I can do better.”

Then the Bungles we all know and love made an appearance.

On third and goal, a touchdown to Jermaine Gresham was wiped out on a false start by Green. Karma, I suppose, for the touchdown the Steelers got taken off the board by a holding penalty in the first game. Cincy lined up for a glorified extra point but were late snapping the ball so Mike Nugent’s field goal didn’t count. On his second attempt, Cameron Heyward blew through the line and Nugent’s kick ricocheted off his big paw. Three golden scoring chances wasted.
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Know Thy Enemy: Cincinnati Bengals

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It kinda freaks me out when cheerleaders are photographed swinging their hair like that. Is the Medusa look supposed to be hot or something?

Anyway, if it seems like the Pittsburgh Steelers just played the Cincinnati Bengals, they did. A little less than three weeks ago, actually. Since we left up-and-coming Cincy, they’ve gone 1-1 with a key loss to the Baltimore Ravens (thanks for nuthin’, Bungles) and a frenzied last second victory against the hapless Cleveland Browns. If the playoffs were to begin today, the 7-4 Bengals would still hold the second AFC Wild Card slot by virtue of having one more win than several other teams.

When these teams met a few weeks back, the Steelers got out to a quick lead, then (as seems to be a disturbing pattern with them) the offense went into a coma leaving the defense to make a couple big plays which snuffed out the Bengals’ rally. In my first Know Thy Enemy, I mentioned rookie QB Andy Dalton was unflappable and he continues to prove it week after week. He didn’t get rattled against the Steelers and he didn’t get rattled when the Ratbirds got ahead early and he didn’t get rattled last week when the Browns built leads of 17-7 and 20-10. He calmly led his team on three late scoring drives, eventually setting up Mike Nugent for the game winner with thirty seconds left.

No wonder Ben Roethlisberger among others (like me!) are jumping aboard the Red Rifle For Rookie of the Year train.
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Week 12 Recap: Thanksgiving Hangover

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Ummmm… Did somebody forget to tell the Black and Gold their bye week ended on Sunday?

The Pittsburgh Steelers put on a dull, sloppy, uninspired performance last night in defeating the Kansas City Chiefs 13-9. The teams got into a mini-Battle Royal during pre-game warm-ups and the Chiefs defense brought that fired up attitude into the game. If you’re a fan of offensive football, this was not a game for you as the bumbling Steeler offense couldn’t get on track despite the inept KC offense trying over and over to give them the game. Much like the Colts game earlier this season, the Steelers played down to the level of their opponent long enough that a team they should have blown-out like a birthday candle was in position to drive for the winning score in the final minutes.

The Steelers defense did all they could despite getting hit hard by injuries. LaMarr Woodley missed his third straight game while Troy Polamalu was lost on the first series. Once again, the reason for his absence is being listed as “concussion-like symptoms” which is Steeler-speak for “He probably has a concussion but we don’t want to make him go through all those baseline tests to get him back on the field.” Even without two of their top defensive players, the defense put on one of their better efforts of the year, holding the Chiefs to 250 yards of total offense and forcing four turnovers. Three of those came on interceptions, including one by noted stonehands Ike Taylor.

Considering the “pass” he intercepted more closely resembled a punt, I would expect Face Me Ike’s next one to occur sometime around 2013.
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Know Thy Enemy: Kansas City Chiefs

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Once again, apologies for my tardiness in getting this posted. As this sunny Florida weather will likely be the last 70+ degree days I’ll see before heading back to the ‘Burgh, I have been taking full advantage of my last minute trip south. I promise I’ll get things back on track starting Monday.

Fear not, dear readers, I will be home in time for tomorrow’s game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and Kansas City Chiefs. As will most of you since the game will be on Sunday Night Football. So you can count on getting your fill of my insightful analysis and corny jokes come Monday. Speaking of which, cue Faith Hill in hooker boots!

I’ll be honest,  I’m not all that jazzed up about this game. When NBC put it on their schedule, I’m sure it looked like a potentially interesting match-up. Unfortunately, the Chiefs have been ravished by injury and currently sit at 4-6. While that puts them only two games out of first in the stunningly mediocre AFC West, they aren’t exactly a viable playoff contender at this point. This was made all the more apparent last Monday when the Patriots clobbered them 34-3 to extend their current losing streak to three.
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Giving Thanks To The Black And Gold

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The good news is my computer finally seems to be up and running so I shouldn’t be MIA again this season. The bad news (well, it’s good for me) is I booked a last minute flight to Tampa so I could spend Turkey Day with my parents. Oh, I could stay here in Pittsburgh but between me and the couple thousand of you who read this blog faithfully every day, my aunt is a really lousy cook. A few Thanksgivings ago, she actually cooked the turkey with the giblets still inside.

Anyway, since I have to pack quickly so I can hurry up and wait (and wait and wait) in what promises to be an epic line at the airport, today’s update will have to be a quickie. Without further ado, here are ten Pittsburgh Steelers related-reasons I’m thankful this Thanksgiving.
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Thumbs Up! Hatin’ On Big Ben In Decline

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Sorry for the tardiness of this update but if the Pittsburgh Steelers get a week off to rest, I figured I could take a morning to sleep in.

So, anyway, Ben Roethlisberger is hurt again. I know, I know… SHOCKING. Evidently, he re-broke his thumb on one of the Bengals’ approximately 248 knockdowns last Sunday. I say “re-broke” because some of you may recall Ben suffered a broken thumb back in 2005. I also seem to think he had some sort of issue with his hand last year which necessitated him wearing gloves but to be perfectly honest the Big Drama Queen has so many injuries I simply can’t keep track of them all.

To be fair, Ben doesn’t whine and complain about his injuries like many other players are apt to do. With hindsight being 20/20, it did seem like something was up on Sunday. He’s never been the most accurate passer and he’s never been particularly great at throwing a deep ball but he did look off on a lot of his throws, most notably when he missed a wide open Mike Wallace. The Flash blew by the coverage and Ben only had to loft it about 15 yards or so down the field and Wallace would’ve had 50 yards of green grass ahead of him.
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So, About That 18 Game Season…

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Don’t make the Football Gods angry. You wouldn’t like them when they’re angry. Clearly, the NFL’s illustrious commissioner ran afoul of them with his harebrained proposal to increase the schedule to 18 games. And the Football Gods have shown the Ginger Dictator who’s boss.

A little less than a week ago, I featured a guest post by my good buddy Hennessey. The theme of his piece was, “What would the Pittsburgh Steelers do if they lost Ben Roethlisberger?”  Stay calm, Steeler Nation, Big Ben is fine. However, that post turned out to be an eerie prediction of things to come for a number of other NFL teams.

Hennessey, if you’re reading this, hook a brother up with this week’s Lotto numbers?

When the story of the 2011 season is written, yesterday will be known as Black Monday. Two AFC teams with playoff aspirations lost their starting quarterbacks for the year. Matt Cassel of the Kansas City Chiefs suffered “a hand injury” which appears to be very serious. The Houston Texans’ Matt Schaub has suffered a Lisfranc injury which is a fancy way of saying he hurt his foot really really bad. Then there is the Dream Team, the Philadelphia Eagles, who revealed their quarterback had two broken ribs which would likely keep him out of action indefinitely.
Read More »So, About That 18 Game Season…

Week 10 Recap: Steelers Have A Gay Old Time

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All is right with the world.

The Pittsburgh Steelers bounced back from last weekend’s soul-crushing loss by defeating the Cincinnati Bengals 24-17 in what was a road game in name only. While Steeler Nation is to be commended for taking over yet another stadium, I implore them to not read too much into this victory. The temptation to say “Well, Cincy is what we thought they were” will be great even though this game was every bit as close as the final score indicates. From what I saw yesterday, I truly believe Cincy will be the team we battle for control of the AFC North in years to come.

The Black and Gold got off to a fast start, scoring touchdowns on their first two drives of the afternoon. The first drive concluded with Ben Roethlisberger scrambling away from danger and finding Jerricho Cotchery in the end zone for his first Steeler TD. The Cotch Rocket would later have another TD wiped off the board on a similar catch-and-run. I hate to belabor this point since it makes me sound like a Hines Ward hater, which I’m definitely not, but why is this guy not playing more? Hines, who spent almost the entire game on the sideline, caught one ball for 10 yards as it appears his career is quickly reaching an end.
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Know Thy Enemy: Cincinnati Bengals

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This weekend, the Pittsburgh Steelers face the Cincinnati Bengals in a crucial AFC match-up. Unfortunately, most of you who live out-of-state will have to fire up the satellite dish or visit your favorite Steeler bar in order to watch since it’s neither a national nor prime time game. In fact, all Bengal games start at one o’clock because they have to be indoors before curfew as a condition of parole.

Anyway, when last we left Cincy, franchise quarterback Carson Palmer was saying he’d rather retire than strap on their orange jumpsuit ever again. Hardheaded GM/Owner Mike Brown eventually traded him to the desperate Oakland Raiders which for Palmer must have been like being handed a Get Out Of Jail Free card. The haul in return was impressive, a first rounder and a second that becomes a first if the Raiduhs win a playoff game, which I’m sure Cincy will use to augment their team with the best available criminals in next year’s draft.
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