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File this one under, “Can’t make this stuff up.”

Remember the Pittsburgh Steelers magical playoff run leading up to Super Bowl XL? I’m sure we all remember it like it was yesterday. Everybody also remembers exactly where and what we were doing when Jerome Bettis fumbled against the Colts, nearly blowing our shot at an epic upset and his chance to go out on top. In the days that followed, a story even surfaced of a man suffering a heart attack as the result of that play.

What I’m trying to say here is Steeler Nation takes their football seriously. Continue reading »

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This past weekend was a bittersweet affair for fans of the Pittsburgh Steelers. On Saturday, we had the pleasure of watching the well-rested Kansas City Chiefs piss away a 28 point led like fat schlub Andy Reid pisses away his time outs. Even if KC had managed to win, they wouldn’t have had any players left after losing approximately 29 different players over the course of the game. Gee, it sure was a smart move to bench all your starters that final week of the season, wasn’t it you walrus-faced assclown? When are idiot NFL head coaches going to learn taking a week off NEVER HELPS?

I do have to admit, Andy Reid schadenfreude is the best schadenfreude. Continue reading »

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The Pittsburgh Steelers meet the Kansas City Chiefs tonight in the all-important third exhibition preseason  game.  As I did last season, I beseech you, if you’re going to the game, don’t walk under any ladders.  Steer clear of black cats.  And if you own a rabbit’s foot, by all means bring it with you. That is, if the NFL Security Overlords permit you to smuggle it in within your regulation size purse.

The third preseason game is always a mixed blessing. It’s the most watchable game because starters usually see a good half of action in preparation for the season opener. But it’s also the scariest because within that half, you’re constantly hoping and praying none of the starters get injured. In a just world, when that half is over, everybody is healthy and ready for the regular season.

Unfortunately, we don’t live in a just world. Continue reading »

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I don’t even know where to begin with last night’s debacle.

Might as well start with the positives I guess. The Pittsburgh Steelers pulled out a 16-13 win against the Kansas City Chiefs on Monday Night Football after Lawrence Timmons intercepted Matt Cassel’s first pass in overtime. One play later, Stonecold Shaun Suisham booted a 23 yarder to end the misery. And that’s about all the good things I have to say about what happened last night.

Ben Roethlisberger left the game in the third quarter with what preliminary reports are saying is a “sprained” throwing shoulder. I’m so glad we brought in Todd Haley‘s boring dink and dunk offense to protect him from getting injured. That’s sarcasm by the way. Of course, Ben has been remarkably healthy all season so it totally makes sense he’d suffer a serious injury a week before the Steelers play the Baltimore Ravens.

Ben wasn’t exactly lighting up the scoreboard before the injury. If not for a circus catch by Mike Wallace in the end zone, Ben would’ve departed with two FGs to show for his efforts. All week, fans and talking heads alike were calling this game Boss Todd’s shot at revenge against the team that canned him last season. What we failed to take into account is that familiarity is a two way street. Teams practice against each other all week for months on end meaning the Chiefs defense probably has taken hundreds of snaps against Haley’s offense during his tenure there. The result, as Max Starks later told reporters, was that KC’s D recognized practically every play they called last night.

Let’s not make excuses for the offense, though. The tone was set early when they went three and out on their first two possessions and Willie Colon was flagged for “cussing.” Swearing is a crime? What the f#ck?

Any questions about Antonio Brown‘s worth to the team were answered as Manny Sanders repeatedly failed to step up in his absence. The running game was absolutely atrocious the entire game. Isaac Redman was pathetic, fumbling the ball to gift wrap a FG early then getting stoned on a crucial 4th and inches early in the second half. Jon Dwyer relieved him and only did slightly better, averaging 2.9 ypc to iRed’s sad 2.6 ypc. Dwyer had a couple decent runs and he was running into a 7 man box after Ben got hurt but it still was far from an acceptable performance.

Let’s talk about the post-Ben offense. For whatever reason, Steeler Nation seems to have turned on Charlie Batch, mocking him as a broke washed-up bum. Well, if you’re comfortable with Byron Leftwich after what we saw last night then I don’t know what say. The guy plays quarterback like he’s trying to win a stuffed giraffe for his girlfriend at Kenneywood.

Okay, this was Lefty’s first action in like three years. Back-ups are rusty enough since they only get a handful of snaps at practice. And when he gets a nice clean pocket and about five seconds to wind up, he does throw a pretty ball. At the same time, he looked even more immobile than the last time we saw him. Leave it to Mike Tomlin to sign the only immobile black quarterback in NFL history. Lefty took about four or five vicious shots in about a quarter and half of work. He’s never going to survive if he has to play a significant stretch. What’s more, his goofy throwing motion and lousy accuracy is all wrong for an offense that relies on timing and accuracy.

Gotta love that with Ben under center, Haley went deep twice all season, then Leftwich comes in and his first pass is a bomb to Wallace.

I haven’t yet mentioned the Steelers defense. On paper, it looks like they had a good game. In reality, Kansas City’s incompetence was the only thing which saved them from a horrible loss. While we’re on the subject of terrible games, Ziggy Hood played like absolute shit. The Chiefs ran Jamaal Charles (23 carries 100 yards) right at him time after time for big chunks of yardage. Only when Dick LeBeau started switching up Hood and Bret Keisel did the bleeding stop. How bad does Ziggy have to play before Ironhead Junior gets more than a handful of snaps?

Did LaMarr Woodley play yesterday? How about James Harrison? You didn’t hear either name at all. If KC had receivers who didn’t fall into the fetal position when faced with contact and stopped shooting themselves in the foot with stupid penalties, this game wouldn’t have been close. In fact, the key series of the game occurred early in the third when a 22 yard TD to Dwayne Bowe was wiped out on a ticky-tack holding penalty then the KC kicker missed the ensuing FG wide right.

Late in the quarter, the pitiful Steelers offense was going nowhere fast when pass interference and roughing the passer penalties let them drive for the game-tying FG. Even at the end of the game KC tried their damnedest to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory mediocrity. Cassel hit Bowe for a nice gain but Bowe lost the ball when Ryan Clark concussed himself while dislodging the ball. Then TE Tony Moeki got flagged for offensive PI which took them out of FG range and left them with 4th and 15. Of course, Ike Taylor played it too loose and let them convert a 27 yard pass play.

The Chiefs came in having never led during regulation all season. They led for almost half the game. The Chiefs came in leading the league in turnovers. Until Cassel threw the pick to Timmons in OT (which was tipped by the Diesel, btw), they had zero giveaways. Yeah, they were a desperate team. Yeah, maybe this was a trap game. Injuries, Haley, their Super Bowl, yadda yadda…

No excuses. Any good feelings from last week’s game against the Giants are long gone. This was an abominable effort that would’ve resulted in a loss against any halfway competent team. And now an offense which has already been average at best needs to find a way to score points with their back-up QB. On top of all this, two of the next three games are against the Ravens. Suddenly this season isn’t looking so promising.

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The phrase of the day is “trap game.” If I had a dollar for every time I heard that spoken on sports talk radio the past few days, I could probably afford season tickets to Heinz Field.

I’m not really sure Monday night’s game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and Kansas City Chiefs qualifies as a trap game. Granted, it does come on the eve of the Black and Gold’s first meeting with the hated Baltimore Ravens. And it does come on the heels of the team surging to a three game winning streak, topped by an impressive victory over the defending Super Bowl champions. Actually, maybe this is a trap game…

Nah.

After losses to two of the most abysmal teams in the NFL, I’m sure the Steelers know better. There’s no way to justify losing to crap teams like the Titans and Raiders but there were mitigating circumstances. For whatever reason, the trip out to Oakland always messes up the Steelers while the Tennessee game came on a short week (Thursday) which has also proven to trip up the Black and Gold (see the Browns game a few years back).

Also, trap games usually occur when you’re playing a scrappy opponent. The Chiefs are circling the drain right now. They’re shuffling quarterbacks in and out. Romeo Crennel, who replaced Todd Haley as head coach last season, just recused himself as defensive coordinator. The team is in utter disarray. If anybody is motivated this week, it’s Boss Todd, who surely wants to make KC pay for making his life a living hell.

STEELERS DEFENSE vs CHIEFS OFFENSE

For whatever inexplicable reason, the Chiefs think they have something in Brady Quinn. Perhaps it has something do with Crennel being the same coach who made the mistake of drafting him in the first round when he was the head coach of the Browns. Whatever the logic, KC has all but given up on the Matt Cassel experiment. With the frail and effeminate Quinn nursing a concussion, Monday night may very well be Cassel’s final shot as a starter.

When Patriots GM Scott Pioli moved over to KC in 2009, he brought Cassel with him to be his QB. Cassel was coming off the season where he led the Patriots to 11 wins after Tom Brady was lost for the year. He got off to a rocky start, throwing 16 TDs and 16 INTs but rebounded in 2010 to toss 27 TDs against only 7 INTs. It’s been all downhill since then. Injuries marred his 2011 campaign and Haley’s insistence on starting former Pitt Panther Tyler Palko in place of Kyle Orton after Cassel was placed on season ending IR eventually led to his ouster.

Cassel has struggled this season, leading one of the league’s most anemic offenses (29th in points scored) and throwing a ton (11) of picks in the process. Chiefs fans had gotten so fed up that they cheered when Cassel was knocked out of a game a few weeks back, drawing scorn from one of their own players. I would’ve said something about it at the time but Pittsburgh is the city that cheered when Terry Bradshaw got knocked out so we don’t really have room to talk.

The bottom line is Cassel has struggled mightily this season. On paper, the Chiefs have the weapons to be a decent offense. WR Dwayne Bowe is a big time playmaker. Former Pitt standout Jon Baldwin is lazy but talented. And the Chiefs have one of the most dangerous weapons in the league in RB Jamaal Charles. Charles is among the league’s rushing leaders and is also a force out of the backfield.

If the Steelers can keep Charles under wraps, they should have a pretty evening. Early in the year, the D was getting gashed on the reg. They’ve tightened that up as of late so let’s hope the pattern continue. The secondary was also victimized by big plays but Ike Taylor has shaken off his early season malaise and returned to the shut down Ike of old. As long as they don’t Charles move the sticks on the ground or Bowe get loose for a big hitter in the secondary, I don’t see Cassel being able to make enough plays to hang in.

STEELERS OFFENSE vs CHIEFS DEFENSE

Ben Roethlisberger has already told reporters that Boss Todd is almost salivating at the opportunity to put the screws to his former team. Some NFL coaches play by a set of unwritten rules which dictate respect for the game and their opponent. Then there are the assholes like Todd Haley. I’m sure Mike Tomlin would rein Haley in if he looked to run up the score but then again Tomlin has no control over his players, why should he try to control his coaches?

The Chiefs have a couple decent linebackers in Tambla Hall and Justin Houston. They inexplicably cut a pretty good corner in Standford Routt so a secondary that was a nominal strength may not be any longer. They’re in the bottom third of the league against the run although they have forced a surprising number of turnovers (6 INTs and 12 fumbles).

If Big Ben and the offense can avoid shooting themselves in the foot, they should have a pretty good game. The revolving door at RB continues as Jonathan Dwyer returns with Rashard Mendenhall said to be another week away from reclaiming his starting job. Isaac Redman will start but unlike last week will probably have to share some carries with the Minibus.

Antonio Brown is probably going to sit out after suffering a dreaded high ankle sprain last Sunday. High ankles only heal with rest so I suspect we may not see him for a couple weeks. Luckily the Steelers are extremely deep at WR with Jerricho Cotchery, who could probably start for most teams, ready to slide in the slot. Manny Sanders, who’s quietly putting together a nice season, will start. For those who remember back, Sanders actually played a ton as a rookie while AB didn’t come on until the playoffs. Sanders has been set back by injuries but now is his time to shine in front of a national audience.

In fact, it’s time for the entire team to introduce themselves to the nation. After getting off to a slow start this season, the Steelers have quietly crept back into the playoff conversation. If the season were to end tomorrow, they would be one of the AFC’s two Wild Cards. For the Black and Gold to firmly establish themselves as Super Bowl contenders, they need to string together wins. A victory on Monday night and a four game win streak going into a showdown with Baltimore would be a nice place to start.

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Ummmm… Did somebody forget to tell the Black and Gold their bye week ended on Sunday?

The Pittsburgh Steelers put on a dull, sloppy, uninspired performance last night in defeating the Kansas City Chiefs 13-9. The teams got into a mini-Battle Royal during pre-game warm-ups and the Chiefs defense brought that fired up attitude into the game. If you’re a fan of offensive football, this was not a game for you as the bumbling Steeler offense couldn’t get on track despite the inept KC offense trying over and over to give them the game. Much like the Colts game earlier this season, the Steelers played down to the level of their opponent long enough that a team they should have blown-out like a birthday candle was in position to drive for the winning score in the final minutes.

The Steelers defense did all they could despite getting hit hard by injuries. LaMarr Woodley missed his third straight game while Troy Polamalu was lost on the first series. Once again, the reason for his absence is being listed as “concussion-like symptoms” which is Steeler-speak for “He probably has a concussion but we don’t want to make him go through all those baseline tests to get him back on the field.” Even without two of their top defensive players, the defense put on one of their better efforts of the year, holding the Chiefs to 250 yards of total offense and forcing four turnovers. Three of those came on interceptions, including one by noted stonehands Ike Taylor.

Considering the “pass” he intercepted more closely resembled a punt, I would expect Face Me Ike’s next one to occur sometime around 2013.
Continue reading »

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Once again, apologies for my tardiness in getting this posted. As this sunny Florida weather will likely be the last 70+ degree days I’ll see before heading back to the ‘Burgh, I have been taking full advantage of my last minute trip south. I promise I’ll get things back on track starting Monday.

Fear not, dear readers, I will be home in time for tomorrow’s game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and Kansas City Chiefs. As will most of you since the game will be on Sunday Night Football. So you can count on getting your fill of my insightful analysis and corny jokes come Monday. Speaking of which, cue Faith Hill in hooker boots!

I’ll be honest,  I’m not all that jazzed up about this game. When NBC put it on their schedule, I’m sure it looked like a potentially interesting match-up. Unfortunately, the Chiefs have been ravished by injury and currently sit at 4-6. While that puts them only two games out of first in the stunningly mediocre AFC West, they aren’t exactly a viable playoff contender at this point. This was made all the more apparent last Monday when the Patriots clobbered them 34-3 to extend their current losing streak to three.
Continue reading »

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Don’t make the Football Gods angry. You wouldn’t like them when they’re angry. Clearly, the NFL’s illustrious commissioner ran afoul of them with his harebrained proposal to increase the schedule to 18 games. And the Football Gods have shown the Ginger Dictator who’s boss.

A little less than a week ago, I featured a guest post by my good buddy Hennessey. The theme of his piece was, “What would the Pittsburgh Steelers do if they lost Ben Roethlisberger?”  Stay calm, Steeler Nation, Big Ben is fine. However, that post turned out to be an eerie prediction of things to come for a number of other NFL teams.

Hennessey, if you’re reading this, hook a brother up with this week’s Lotto numbers?

When the story of the 2011 season is written, yesterday will be known as Black Monday. Two AFC teams with playoff aspirations lost their starting quarterbacks for the year. Matt Cassel of the Kansas City Chiefs suffered “a hand injury” which appears to be very serious. The Houston Texans’ Matt Schaub has suffered a Lisfranc injury which is a fancy way of saying he hurt his foot really really bad. Then there is the Dream Team, the Philadelphia Eagles, who revealed their quarterback had two broken ribs which would likely keep him out of action indefinitely.
Continue reading »

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