Oct 042013
 

Chrissy Haley Nude (2)

I suppose this is a step in the right direction…

Over the course of my blogging career, I’ve had occasion to witness some things I’d prefer to permanently scrub from memory. First, there was the groupie website where some chick saw fit to post a pic of Santonio Holmes in the shower, his giant horse dick right there for the world to see. Then there was Milledgeville and the accounts of Ben Roethlisberger‘s “grey penis.” Not to mention the immortal crime scene photos of Big Ben’s baby batter splattered all over the side of a dingy bathroom stall.

Why us? Why can’t the Pittsburgh Steelers have a decent sex scandal? Something like Rob Gronkowski banging a super-hot porn star or a sexy slutty Bengals cheerleader deflowering the luckiest dude in his high school?

Well, ask and we shall receive. Sort of. Continue reading »

Know Thy Enemy: New York Jets

 Posted by at 3:59 am  Game Preview, Injury Report, James Harrison, Offensive Line, Troy Polamalu  Comments Off on Know Thy Enemy: New York Jets
Sep 152012
 

Mark Sanchez Grows A Lovely Beard

The Pittsburgh Steelers 2012 Revenge Tour continues this weekend against the New York Jets. Last week, it was a return date with the team that knocked them out of last year’s playoffs. On Sunday, they face the quarterback who engineered what is destined to go down as one of the most shocking losses in Black and Gold history. Let’s hope the second time’s a charm.

It’s a marquee match-up between two marquee franchises who will take the field minus some marquee names. Read on.

STEELERS DEFENSE vs JETS OFFENSE

The QB being referenced in my intro is of course Tim Tebow, who was traded from the Broncos to the Jets over the off-season. And while he’s listed as a QB, Tebow isn’t the Jets current QB. That dubious honor is still held by Mark Sanchez. Thus far in 2012, St. Timmy hasn’t done any actual quarterbacking, instead being used to run the ball out of the option and occasionally lining up at split end.

Sanchez enters his fourth NFL season at a critical point in his career. He led the Jets to the AFC Championship game his first two years before ultimately falling short against the Colts and Steelers. The team regressed last year, falling to 8-8 and missing the playoffs. Despite having his best year so far, statistically speaking, veteran receivers Derrick Mason, Plaxico Burress and Santonio Holmes pointed to his lousy work ethic and penchant for making drive killing mistakes as the reasons the offense struggled.

Jets management evidently disagreed with that assessment, ditching Mason and Plax (and probably would’ve cut ‘Tone as well except they signed him to a lucrative 5 year deal prior to the 2011 season) and giving Sanchez a contract extension. Instead, offensive coordinator Brian Shottenheimer was made the scapegoat for a disappointing season. The team brought in former Dolphins head coach Tony Sparano, whose experience at calling plays is limited to one year under Bill Parcells with the Dallas Cowboys.

After neither Sanchez or Tebow led a single TD drive during the preseason, the Jets exploded for 48 points last week against the Buffalo Bills. As it’s early in the season, it’s hard to say if the Jets offense is that good or the Bills’ D is just that bad. What we do know is the Jets featured a balanced attack with RB Shonn Greene rushing 27 times for 94 yards while Sanchez threw 27 times, completing 19 for 266. Rookie Stephen Hill, a big (6’4) quick kid out of Georgia Tech caught two of Sanchez’s three TDs.

The good news is it appears the Jets will be without one of Sanchez’s favorite targets, TE Dustin Keller. The bad news is it appears the Steelers will be without two former Defensive Players of the Year. As usual, Mike Tomlin was full of BS on Tuesday when he claimed both Troy Polamalu and James Harrison should be ready on Sunday. Neither practiced on Friday which pretty much guarantees neither will see the field this weekend.
Continue reading »

Jul 282012
 

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha…

*wipes tear from eye*

I’m sorry. Even though this blog isn’t exactly Sports Illustrated or the Wall Street Journal, I try to present thoughtful opinions and reasoned analysis in between the dorky pop culture references and blatant homerism. But Code Red literally shot from my nostrils when I heard this latest development involving the Pittsburgh Steelers. Since then, I can’t stop laughing.

Can’t. Stop. Laughing.

The Steelers have signed wide receiver Antonio Brown to a five year $42.5 million contract extension. Antonio Brown. Not Mike Wallace, the delusional putz who thinks he’s worth Larry Fitzgerald money. Not Mike Wallace, the restricted free agent who spends all day butchering the English language on Twitter because he refuses to sign his tender and report to training camp.

Shhh… If you listen real carefully, you might be able to hear every glass in the Wallace house being thrown against a wall. I bet his aim isn’t as good as Santonio Holmes‘.  ‘Tone could part a sister’s weave with a shot glass from twenty feet away.

Brown had a break out season in 2011, becoming the first player in Steelers history to amass 1,000 receiving yards and 1,000 return yards in the same year. In only his second season, he made the Pro Bowl and was voted the team MVP by his peers. The MVP honor was particularly well-deserved as to a man Steeler coaches and players have said AB is one of the hardest workers on the team. He was slated to become a restricted free agent next year but instead will enjoy a new contract which calls for a signing bonus of $8.5 million on top of a base salary of $540,000. Next year he gets a $2.5 million roster bonus and a $2 million base salary with the roster bonus dropping off after that but his base going up to $6 million in 2014 and 2015, $8.25 million in 2016 and $8.71 million in 2017.

The Steelers lock up a promising young wide out until 2017. Brown gets long term security and $42.5 million dollars. A fair deal for both parties. See how easy it is to get a contract done when one of the people involved ISN’T AN ARROGANT DELUSIONAL JACKASS?

I, of course, speak of Mike Wallace. I have no doubt the Steelers offered this deal or one similar to it to Wallace. Or they would have if he hadn’t decided to play the “I’m an obnoxious asshole” card and held out. Handing Brown a shiny new deal while Wallace sits home playing Call Of Duty on his XBox is a giant flashing, “Screw You, Wallace!” from Steelers management.

Then again, maybe they did offer this deal to Wallace first. Perhaps he rebuffed their advances because the money was less than he desired. $42.5 million is a ton of cash to you and I but it wasn’t the “Larry Fitzgerald money” to which Wallace feels he’s entitled. For the record, LarryFitz money is 8 years $120 million.

Well, I have bad news for Mike Wallace. The Rooneys will never pay a wide receiver $15 million per year. Yancey Thigpen, Plaxico Burress, Santonio Holmes, they wanted big money, the Steelers told them to go elsewhere to get it. Dan Rooney would sooner spend $15 million on hand woven spider silk suspenders than give it to a wide receiver. Art Rooney II would sooner spend $15 million on lap dances at Blush (and that’s not easy given the quality of talent they have there) than give it to a wide receiver. The Steelers have never paid a receiver more than they paid their star quarterback or star linebacker and they NEVER EVER WILL.

Wide receivers simply aren’t worth it.

Not that anybody will ever be able to convince that raging egomaniac otherwise. Stay firm and stick to your guns, Mike! I’m sure the Steelers are hard at work scraping together that LarryFitz money you’re waiting for! Don’t worry about showing up to camp, we’ll call you when we need you!

In the meantime, Kevin Colbert and the Rooneys will be busy rewarding the guy who truly wants to wear the Black and Gold.

Apr 282012
 

They say those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Kevin Colbert is clearly no historian.

The Pittsburgh Steelers took a chance in round two of the 2012 NFL Draft by selecting Ohio State offensive tackle Mike Adams. Like yesterday’s first round pick, David DeCastro, Adams is another player most mock drafts had predicted to be gone well before the Steelers chose him with the 56th overall pick. A 6’7 323 pound monster with starting potential at right or left tackle, quite a few draftniks even had him slotted as a late first rounder. Unlike DeCastro, we know exactly why Adams slipped to the middle of round two.

He was one of six players who failed their drug test at February’s scouting combine. This wasn’t the first time Adams’ affinity for weed got him into trouble as he was arrested for misdemeanor possession of drug paraphernalia in 2009 and served a two game suspension because of it. He was also suspended for five games in 2011 and forced to repay $1,000 for selling his 2008 Big Ten championship ring as part of Ohio State’s memorabilia/Tattoogate scandal. However, testing positive for marijuana at the combine has to be the most distressing red flag. First of all, the testing date is well known weeks ahead of time so you’re either an idiot or hardcore stoner if you can’t get clean before they ask you to piss in a cup. Secondly, Adams was asked about his history with mary jane during interviews and told everybody he had learned his lesson, hadn’t touched the stuff in years, blah blah blah. Only after he was caught did he ‘fess up.

Hmmm…  Let’s see… A pothead from Ohio State with character issues and red flags all over the place… Yeah, nothing can possibly go wrong there.

Look, I applaud the Steelers for making a strong effort to keep their franchise quarterback healthy and upright. As I said yesterday, I have no confidence in Marcus Gilbert and Willie Colon as our starting tackles so if Adams is as advertised, and I’m not denying he has outstanding physical gifts, this is a great pick. And I understand the Steelers took a hard line with the kid, telling him he was off their board until he showed contrition. And I also understand Adams wrote a heartfelt letter apologizing for lying and even took the unusual step of offering to defer his signing bonus for a year and a half so he can win back the team’s trust. But I’m sorry, the Steelers have been down this road before and nine times out of ten, if you’re an idiot in college, you’ll be a bigger idiot in the pros. Stop selecting these low character guys. To paraphrase Sam Wyche, we’re the Pittsburgh Steelers, not the Cincinnati Bengals.

ROUND 3:

In the third round, the Steelers addressed something other than offensive line by taking outside linebacker Sean Spence from Miami. Spence is a fine athlete who benefits from an almost psychic ability to guess what play the offense has called before they run it. Or maybe I’m getting him confused with someone else. And at least the only trouble he’s been in was serving a one game suspension for receiving improper benefits free lap dances while in school. For a Miami alum, that’s practically a choir boy.

You’ll have to forgive me for getting him confused with Shawn Spencer of Psych. They don’t really have much in common except for a vaguely similar name and the fact they both stand 5’11. Yep, the Steelers invested a third round pick a linebacker who’s smaller than half the running backs in the NFL. Mike Tomlin mentioned in a post-draft presser he envisions Spence moving inside which is pretty laughable when you consider he’s a midget. For comparisons sake, James Farrior stood 6’2 and weighed 245 pound while Spence tips the scales at 5’11 and 230. How the hell is Spence going to line-up with guys like the Incredible Gronk (6’6 265 for those keeping score)??

As you may have surmised from my sarcasm, I’m less than thrilled with this choice. Prior to the draft, Kevin Colbert said he expected to get at least three starters in rounds 1-3. In the post-draft presser, he’s already stated he sees Spence as a depth guy to groom behind Lawrence Timmons. Just what we need, yet another depth linebacker to go with the Jason Worilds, Thaddeus Gibson and Stevenson Sylvester (Class of 2010) and Chris Carter and Mortty Ivy (Class of 2011). How many freakin’ back-up linebackers does this team need?

I guess I can’t be too down on this year’s draft because at least we got DeCastro. No matter how you slice it, day one of the draft was a home run. Day two was anything but with the team taking an offensive tackle with huge character concerns and an undersized back-up inside linebacker. If the Steelers were solid up and down the depth chart, I could understand aiming for this sort of roster filler. However, they’re not and I’m a little worried that they don’t seem to have any sense of urgency in addressing that.

Jan 132012
 

They say losing reveals a lot more about your character than winning. If that old jockism is true, then the Pittsburgh Steelers have a big problem. As I sit back and reflect on an ignominious end to a wasted season, I can’t help but worry about the future of the team. Sports radio around town has already been bombarded by calls from irate members of Steeler Nation advising the organization to begin the reloading process by ridding themselves of the old broken down players who failed them this year.

I think that’d be a big mistake. Not because I think Hines Ward or James Farrior are going to find the Fountain of Youth during the off-season. I think it’s a mistake because I’m not sure if the next generation of Steelers are ready for primetime. In fact, if the game in Denver and its immediate aftermath tells us anything, it’s that we may need Farrior and Hines more than ever.

For those who haven’t heard, Maurkice Pouncey used his twitter feed to pimp some ear pollution by some goofy rapper friend of his following Sunday’s heartbreaker in Denver. When some of his followers wrote him that it was in poor taste to be promoting junk less than 12 hours after your team lost a playoff game, he responded with the always mature, “I’m rich play for the steelers and have a awesome life! u wish u had my life!!” After deleting the tweet and writing a half-hearted apology, he spent the rest of the day blocking fans who criticized him for being an asshole. Nice to see him block somebody for a change.

Now, I’m not advocating cutting Pouncer as he’s undeniably a very talented player. But when he played poorly at the start of the season, whispers around town were that he’s quickly gaining a reputation among the players for being a high maintenance cry-baby. He and Ben suffered their high ankle sprains at roughly the same time, yet Ben came back a week later while Pouncey spent the rest of the season picking splinters out of his ass. Doug Legursky played the Wild Card game despite badly separating his shoulder which shows you the kind of warrior he is. What has Pouncey shown besides a willingness to sit out pretty much every important game the Steelers have played the past two years?

And before anybody gets on me for being hard on Pouncey or dealing in rumor, I will remind everybody that I wrote about Ben Roethlisberger being disliked by his teammates YEARS before the national media finally caught wind of the story. I was vindicated then and I stand by this. Pouncey is a selfish dick who wants all the acclaim of playing for the Black and Gold without any of the success or sacrifices. And the worrisome part is I don’t think he’s alone.

During the off-season, Manny Sanders, Antonio Brown and Mike Wallace dubbed themselves “Young Money.” It was a fun nickname for a group of receivers who promised to take the Steelers offense to new heights. You also know it was a self-promotional tool to raise their notoriety around the league. AB won Team MVP because he is by all accounts one of the hardest workers out there. Meanwhile, Manny had a great playoff game but was injured most of the year and didn’t do jack during the regular season. Then we have Wallace, who’ll be a restricted free agent, who completely disappeared down the stretch run. If you want to call yourself Young Money and want to be this hot young NFL superstar, first you need to make the plays when they count.

Anybody doubt Hines Ward would’ve caught that 50 yard bomb when his team needed it? Instead of clever nicknames or telling reporters you’re going catch 2,000 yards worth of passes in 2011, how about making one big catch in a big game? Once again, we have a guy who likes to run his mouth and act all cocky without actually backing it up ON THE FIELD. That’s not how it works.

A big story last week involved Jets players describing Santonio Holmes as “a cancer” and a quitter in the aftermath of their season-ending collapse. That is why I shed no tears when the Steelers stole a fifth round draft pick for him. Lost in the memory of his game-winning catch in Super Bowl XLIII is the fact for almost the entiretly of his tenure here, ‘Tone was a total dick. While everybody remembers the toe-tapper that won us our sixth Lombardi Trophy and brought ‘Tone the game MVP, I remember two other plays that tell you all you need to know about Santonio Holmes.

The first one occurred on Santonio’s 40 yard catch and run that set the Steelers up for a shot at the end zone. At the end of the play, Ben and the O-line were running down the field to kill the clock because they only had one time out remaining. While they were hustling to the line, Holmes was busy doing a Me Me Me dance to celebrate his catch. Ben was forced to burn that final time out. Considering the game-winning catch came with about 35 seconds left on the clock, had Ben been sacked on one of those subsequent plays, Holmes’ stupidity would have cost us the game. After the catch, he did that goofy LeBron-esque saltshaker move with the football which those enablers at the Four Letter replayed ad nauseum ever since. What they don’t tell you is using the ball as a prop is an unsportsmanlike conduct foul which should have cost the Steelers 15 yards on the subsequent kickoff. Once again, our MVP put his camera time and his personal glory ahead of the team.

Hines Ward has said he’d be willing to stay with the Steelers for a Bettis-like reduced contract. The feeling is the Steelers might not take him up on it because even for veteran minimum, they have no use for him. I disagree. Players like Hines and Farrior may not be the players they used to be but they’re locker room leaders. When they speak, players tend to listen. And it seems apparent to me the Steeler locker room needs all the leaders they can get right now.