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Wrenches Thrown Into Steelers’ Plan

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Best.  Twitter.  Avatar.  Ever.

Sorry for being tardy with this update but since the [intlink id=”19″ type=”category”]Pittsburgh Steelers [/intlink]mauling of the Dream Team aka Philadelphia Eagles was nationally broadcast last night, I figured it better to do a more news-specific update than a recap of the game.  Speaking of Twitter, twittering during preseason games makes them much more tolerable (and if you’re not following my twitter, well, my legs aren’t as nice as Kym’s but I know a lot more about football).  Especially when you’re forced to listen to the unholy combination of Joe Buck and Troy Aikman.  Adding the greatest Steeler QB of all-time, Terry Bradshaw, to the mix did help a little if only because it’s amusing how discombobulated TB makes Aikman.

Oh and that horrifying NFL on Fox commercial featuring all the announcers in their underwear?   Had to be Joe Buck’s idea.
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Notes On Steelers First Preseason Debacle

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Repeat after me:  “It’s only the preseason… It’s only the preseason…”

The[intlink id=”19″ type=”category”] Pittsburgh Steelers[/intlink] played their first preseason (don’t call them exhibitions!) game last night.  I tapped out shortly before half time but thanks to the magic of DVR, I finished the game a few minutes ago.  Even in fast forward, it was like watching a train wreck in slow motion.  To say it was a forgettable performance from the boys in Black and Gold would be an understatement.

“It’s only the preseason… It’s only the preseason…”
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Are You Ready For Some (Preseason) Football?

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The [intlink id=”19″ type=”category”]Pittsburgh Steelers [/intlink]kick off their preseason this evening at 7:30 p.m.  We all know preseason football blows but remember a few months ago when the year was in peril?  Consider preseason football better than no football at all.  Or Arena Football.  Although I wouldn’t mind having a Lingerie Football team.

Seriously, whose bright idea was it to open up a beautiful state-of-the-art facility like the Consol Energy Center then make it their first priority to bring Arenaball back to the ‘Burgh?  If Green freakin’ Bay has a Lingerie Football team, why don’t we?  Get on it, Consol bigwigs.  There are some hot Polish chicks down in McKees Rocks that could kick the Pittsburgh Power’s asses up and down the field.

*Ahem*  Sorry for the little detour.  When you’re a team coming off a soul-crushing Super Bowl defeat, the thing about the preseason is there is precious little suspense.  You may hear about so-and-so having a great camp but the bottom line is the coaches pretty much already know who is starting and who is backing them up.  However, there are still a few interesting battles to keep an eye on.
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Steelers Alter The Deal, Pray They Don’t Alter It Further

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The Pittsburgh Steelers must be in compliance with the 2011 salary cap by Thursday.  As of this morning, they were still approximately $10 million over the target of $120 million plus three $1 million exceptions.  This coupled with a rash of last minute re-signings set off a round of renegotiations with players already under long term contract.

Ben Roethlisberger and James Harrison were the big ticket items who agreed to alter their deals.  Although let’s be clear, neither Big Ben nor Silverback are taking a pay cut.  The Steelers simply employed an accounting trick to help alleviate some of the cap pressure.  Signing bonuses are divided evenly over the term of the contract and that number in addition to the base salary are what count against the cap.  By lowering the annual salary and paying a larger portion of the contract as a signing bonus, you can effectively lower your cap hit without changing the total value of the contract.
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PlaxWatch: Burress Decides To Jet

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Plaxico Burress decided to return to the city where he experienced his greatest success.  Of course, it’s also the city where he almost blew his dick off at a nightclub, then spent two years in the clink as penance for his abject stupidity.  As the New York Jets discovered, three million dollars goes a long way toward erasing bad memories.

With one stroke of the pen, Plax went from the chain gang to Gang Green.  You gotta hand it to Rex Ryan.  He assembled one of the NFL’s finest collections of thugs and criminals over in Baltimore and is now doing his damnedest to remake his Jets in their image.  Burress will team with another Steeler cast-off, Santonio Holmes, in trying to make Mark Sanchez look like a legitimate championship caliber quarterback.
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Ironhead Jr. Signs With Steelers

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The Pittsburgh Steelers completed deals with their last two unsigned draft picks this afternoon.  Most notably, first rounder [intlink id=”39″ type=”category”]Cameron \”Ironhead Jr.\” Heyward [/intlink]agreed to a four year $6.7 million contract with $3.3 million in guaranteed money.

To give you an idea of how rookies have taken it up the ass under the new CBA, our top pick following our last Super Bowl appearance, Ziggy Hood, signed a five year deal for $8.7 million which included a $6 million signing bonus in addition to another $2.7 million in salary that could double based on various performance incentives.  Not that I would object to being abused to the tune of $3.3 million, mind you.
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Ward Placed On Physically Unable To Tango List

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As players began their annual pilgrimage to Latrobe for training camp, the Pittsburgh Steelers made a few interesting announcements which may hold great importance as we watch the 2011 season unfold.

First, they agreed to terms with draft picks OT Marcus Gilbert, CB Cortez Allen, LB Chris Carter, OG Keith Williams and RB Baron Batch.  This leaves only third round pick CB Curtis Brown and first rounder DT Cameron “IronHead Jr.” Heyward unsigned.  With Will.i.am Gay and Anthony Madison unrestricted free agents and absolutely no proof Keenan Lewis deserves a hat on Sunday, Brown is a complete idiot if he doesn’t sign soon.  Rookies practically never play for this team but the nickel back job would seem to be wide open.

They also placed two players on the Physically Unable to Perform list.  Chris Kemoeatu is experiencing some pain and swelling in his knee which is understandable considering he didn’t have OTAs keeping him away from the buffet table.  The other player on the list is [intlink id=”34″ type=”category”]Hines Ward.[/intlink]
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