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Week 4 Recap: Black and Gold Disgrace

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mike-tomlin

Well, I hate to say I told you so…

But I did tell you so.

In the least surprising “major upset” ever, the winless Tampa Bay Buccaneers left Heinz Field with their first victory of the season, scoring a last second go-ahead touchdown to upend the Pittsburgh Steelers 27-24. While I’m not shocked the Steelers lost, I am embarrassed by exactly how they lost. I have never seen a more sloppy and undisciplined Steeler team. They’ve become a Black and Gold disgrace.

And it all starts with Mike Tomlin.Read More »Week 4 Recap: Black and Gold Disgrace

Week 2 Recap: Back To The Drawing Board

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Maybe Ryan Clark wasn’t so bad after all…

After a week dominated by the Ray Rice controversy, the Baltimore Ravens came out and crushed the Pittsburgh Steelers 26-6 on the inaugural edition of CBS Thursday Night Football. Towards the end of the game, commentator Jim Nantz said the Ratbirds were “galvanized” by recent events proving nothing brings a team together better than a wife-beater. Then the players themselves did Nantz one better by dedicated yesterday’s performance to Rice, poor unfairly maligned soul that he is.

Stay classy, Baltimore.Read More »Week 2 Recap: Back To The Drawing Board

Week 1 Recap: Ain’t That A Kick In The Head

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Antonio Brown Curb Stomps Browns Punter

Last season it was extremely frustrating to root for the Pittsburgh Steelers. Seemingly every game was a nail-biter. No lead was ever safe. Opposing teams always hung around far longer than expected and as a result, we lost a bunch of games we should have won. 

New season. Same old Steelers.

It’s hard to be too positive about the Steelers 30-27 victory over the Cleveland Browns yesterday at Heinz Field. The players will tell us a win is a win. Mike Tomlin, who has a cliche for every occasion, will trot out his trusty quip about not worrying about “style points.” I guess in the wake of last year’s disastrous 0-4 start, we should be grateful for a win in the season opener, even if it was bowling shoe ugly.Read More »Week 1 Recap: Ain’t That A Kick In The Head

Week 17 Recap: Fresh Out Of Miracles

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The picture above is of Kansas City Chiefs kicker Ryan Succop. Or, as he’ll be forever known in the Steel City, the Most Hated Man In Pittsburgh. You have ONE JOB, assclown. Although I suppose there is some poetry to the season ending because of a spectacular special teams FAIL.

On a side note, only the Pittsburgh Steelers could get screwed over by the referees in a game they weren’t even playing. Even worse, they got jobbed TWICE. That’s some superior trolling by Roger Goodell. Bring back the replacement refs!

As you may have noticed, I have yet to talk about the Pittsburgh Steelers 20-7 victory over the Cleveland Browns. That’s because it was the epitome of a forgettable game. Yeah, the Black and Gold had to win to keep their slim playoff chances alive but there was little doubt they’d do that. Beyond the easy W, there was little of note beyond some personal statistical goals and perhaps the chance to see Steeler legends (Troy Polamalu, Bret Keisel) play their final game at Heinz Field.  Read More »Week 17 Recap: Fresh Out Of Miracles

Week 15 Recap: Well, It’s The Bengals Bungles

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bengalspunter

If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, every day would be Christmas…

The Pittsburgh Steelers laid a mighty whuppin’ on the Cincinnati Bengals, temporarily keeping their slim playoff hopes alive with a 30-20 victory on Sunday Night Football. The final score doesn’t accurately reflect how one-sided this game actually was. The Black and Gold roared out to a 21-0 lead in the first quarter and basically coasted the rest of the way. Meanwhile, Cincy never seemed to get on track, repeatedly shooting themselves in the foot with mistakes or ill-timed penalties. As Cris Collinsworth, a former Bungle, said after one of their players got flagged for taunting down while down 20 points, “Well, it’s the Bengals.”Read More »Week 15 Recap: Well, It’s The Bengals Bungles

Week 14 Recap: Close But No Cigar Playoffs

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Brown Tomlin

As the first half came to an end in yesterday’s game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and Miami Dolphins, the Fins attempted an insane 52 yard field goal on the snow covered field into the notorious open end of the stadium. Predictably, the kick fell about ten yards short where Troy Polamalu caught it on the fly. Troy being Troy, he immediately took off running in an attempt to recreate Auburn-Alabama. After one of several laterals was miraculously caught by Ike Taylor, he decided not to tempt fate and fell on the ball rather than attempt a lateral of his own. It was one of the greatest meaningless plays I’ve ever seen.

Until the final play of the game.

After a failed fourth down conversion handed Miami a first down on the Steelers 9, the Dolphins milked the clock, ultimately settling for a field goal with a minute left. Three plays later, the Steelers were reduced to a desperate game of hook and lateral that ended when Antonio Brown some how broke free down the sideline and ran untouched for what looked to be a miraculous go-ahead touchdown. Unfortunately, AB’s pinky toe just nipped the sideline on his way to the end zone, thus preserving Miami’s 34-28 victory.Read More »Week 14 Recap: Close But No Cigar Playoffs

Week 12 Recap: Meet The New Boss, Same As The Old Boss

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playoffs

I have no idea how this NFL season is going to end. What I do know is it’ll probably be in the least likely way possible.

In a year full of twists and turns, the latest came Sunday when the Pittsburgh Steelers defeated the Cleveland Browns 27-11 to officially move into contention for the AFC Playoffs. The graphic above showing the Black and Gold as the second AFC Wild Card team was valid for about three hours yesterday afternoon. That is, until Tennessee beat Oakland to move ahead of us by virtue of a head-to-head victory earlier in the season. Still, the fact the same team that started out 0-4 and got epically blown out by the Patriots a month back is even in the playoff race is utterly insane.

Welcome to the parity-driven, NFL!Read More »Week 12 Recap: Meet The New Boss, Same As The Old Boss

Week 11 Recap: ‘Cause He’s Dick LeBeau

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Does that answer your question?

The Pittsburgh Steelers romped to a 37-27 victory over the Detroit Lions yesterday at Heinz Field. The near miraculous nature of their win is underscored by the fact their defense pulled out of a tailspin that threatened to send the game in the same direction as the Patriots debacle. Detroit finished with 451 total yards of offense, nearly 300 of which came in the second quarter. Meanwhile, the other three quarters saw the Black and Gold play perhaps their finest football of the season.

All season, the Steelers offense has played remarkably better when they’ve gone no-huddle. All season, the Steelers have refused go to the no-huddle until they’ve fallen a score or two behind. Head coach Mike Tomlin called it “a gimmick.” Todd Haley hates it because he’s not the one calling plays.

For the first time this year, the Steelers started the game going no-huddle. Naturally, they would score touchdowns on their first two possessions. With Ben Roethlisberger calling the plays, the Lions had no answers. Well, they did manage to force a three and out on our third drive.

Maybe if Ben studied his playbook a little more, we’d score on EVERY SINGLE POSSESSION.Read More »Week 11 Recap: ‘Cause He’s Dick LeBeau

Week 10 Recap: Yay For Rookies!

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In a game overshadowed by a report Ben Roethlisberger will ask for a trade this off-season (more about that in a separate post that’ll be up in about an hour), the Pittsburgh Steelers won their third game of the season by defeating the Buffalo Bills 23-10. Trade rumors weren’t the only thing swirling as a cold and blustery day in the ‘Burgh convinced close to 10,000 fans to skip the trek to Heinz Field and stay in their nice wind-free home. They didn’t miss much as the game itself was a dull affair between two of the NFL’s bottom-feeders. Welcome to the Mike Tomlin Era.Read More »Week 10 Recap: Yay For Rookies!

Know Thy Enemy: Buffalo Bills

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Bills-Stevie-Johnson-Why-So-Serious-Shirt-Bengals

The Pittsburgh Steelers host the Buffalo Bills this weekend at Heinz Field. Feel the excitement!

If you’re going to Sunday’s game, well, I assume this is your first Steelers game because some season ticket holder realized what a dumpster fire the Steelers are and decided to pass his tickets off to you. What you need to know is always wave your Terrible Towel during commercial time-outs to increase your shot of getting on TV. The scoreboard operator will play “Renegade” to fire up the defense at some point during the game so cheer loud. And, for you ladies, please adhere to the NFL’s Clear Purse Policy.

For the rest of us, it’s an epic battle between a 3-6 and a 2-6 team. Maybe the Steelers will win. It certainly wouldn’t be shocking as the Bills aren’t very good. But who cares? Any wins by the Black and Gold just ruin their draft position.Read More »Know Thy Enemy: Buffalo Bills