Recaps Archives - Total Steelers » Total Steelers

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So this is what if feels like to have seen a UFO. Or Bigfoot. Or the Flyers win the Stanley Cup.

Here we are over twelve hours later and I still can’t believe what I saw yesterday afternoon actually happened. Is this real life? Is it just fantasy? I have no idea who those guys in bumblebee jerseys were but I’d like to see more of them.

The Pittsburgh Steelers, behind a record setting passing performance from Ben Roethlisberger, outgunned the Indianapolis Colts 51-34. The two teams combined for over a 1,000 yards of total offense. Big Ben became only the second QB in NFL history with 500 passing yards, 6 TD, 0 INT in a game. His 522 yards tied him with Boomer Esiason for fourth most in NFL history, thirty behind Norm Van Brocklin‘s record set back in 1951. Continue reading »

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Ron Burgundy with all the analysis you really need.

For the first quarter plus of last night’s game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and Houston Texans, things could not have been going worse for the Black and Gold. The Steelers offense got off to glacial start – punctuated by boos from the Heinz Field faithful mixing in with the raindrops from above. And our defense couldn’t get off the field, allowing Houston to drive for three straight scores on their first three possessions. By early in the second quarter, Arian Foster had already tallied nearly 100 yards rushing while our inept secondary and anemic pass rush was making Ryan Fitzpatrick look like Joe Montana.

Then come the thunder. Continue reading »

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Nobody panic. Antonio Brown caught seven passes to keep his reception streak record alive.

Under the Mike Tomlin regime, it’s only the truly important things that count!

In less important news, the Pittsburgh Steelers lost 31-10 to the Cleveland Browns. Actually, they didn’t so much “lose” as get their asses handed to them. After a sluggish first quarter where both teams seemed determined to out-suck each other, the Browns kicked it into gear and never looked back. It was by far the easiest win they’ve had this season and oh by the way it was their easiest win over the Steelers since a 49 point shellacking they gave us way back in 1989.

And you know what? Nothing that happened yesterday surprised me in the least.

The Steelers are a terrible team. Awful. Horrible. Pathetic. Insert whatever adjective you’d like. Continue reading »

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Jacksonville Jaguars Pool Pink Bikini Terrible Towel Gif

Yo,  blonde in the pink bikini, hit me up some time. I’m on twitter.

The Pittsburgh Steelers defeated the Jacksonville Jaguars 17-9 then proceeded to add insult to injury by taking over their pool. Not that many in the crowd of 70,000 were offended considering a solid two thirds of them were Steeler fans anyway. There are a lot of terrible fan bases in the NFL but none scrape the bottom of the barrel quite as badly as Jacksonville. We’re five games into the season and other than week two at Baltimore, I don’t think the Black and Gold have played an actual road game yet.

Where to start with yesterday’s performance… Continue reading »

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Well, I hate to say I told you so…

But I did tell you so.

In the least surprising “major upset” ever, the winless Tampa Bay Buccaneers left Heinz Field with their first victory of the season, scoring a last second go-ahead touchdown to upend the Pittsburgh Steelers 27-24. While I’m not shocked the Steelers lost, I am embarrassed by exactly how they lost. I have never seen a more sloppy and undisciplined Steeler team. They’ve become a Black and Gold disgrace.

And it all starts with Mike Tomlin. Continue reading »

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Down Goes Peezy Joey Porter Fail

Sometimes it’s better to be lucky than good.

Lady Luck must have been one of the several thousand Black and Gold clad fans who invaded Bank of America Stadium last night to watch the Pittsburgh Steelers steamroll the Carolina Panthers 37-19. To say the Steelers got some breaks would be an understatement. Or, in the case of poor Ike Taylor, a statement you could take quite literally. Continue reading »

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Maybe Ryan Clark wasn’t so bad after all…

After a week dominated by the Ray Rice controversy, the Baltimore Ravens came out and crushed the Pittsburgh Steelers 26-6 on the inaugural edition of CBS Thursday Night Football. Towards the end of the game, commentator Jim Nantz said the Ratbirds were “galvanized” by recent events proving nothing brings a team together better than a wife-beater. Then the players themselves did Nantz one better by dedicated yesterday’s performance to Rice, poor unfairly maligned soul that he is.

Stay classy, Baltimore. Continue reading »

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Antonio Brown Curb Stomps Browns Punter

Last season it was extremely frustrating to root for the Pittsburgh Steelers. Seemingly every game was a nail-biter. No lead was ever safe. Opposing teams always hung around far longer than expected and as a result, we lost a bunch of games we should have won. 

New season. Same old Steelers.

It’s hard to be too positive about the Steelers 30-27 victory over the Cleveland Browns yesterday at Heinz Field. The players will tell us a win is a win. Mike Tomlin, who has a cliche for every occasion, will trot out his trusty quip about not worrying about “style points.” I guess in the wake of last year’s disastrous 0-4 start, we should be grateful for a win in the season opener, even if it was bowling shoe ugly. Continue reading »

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If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, every day would be Christmas…

The Pittsburgh Steelers laid a mighty whuppin’ on the Cincinnati Bengals, temporarily keeping their slim playoff hopes alive with a 30-20 victory on Sunday Night Football. The final score doesn’t accurately reflect how one-sided this game actually was. The Black and Gold roared out to a 21-0 lead in the first quarter and basically coasted the rest of the way. Meanwhile, Cincy never seemed to get on track, repeatedly shooting themselves in the foot with mistakes or ill-timed penalties. As Cris Collinsworth, a former Bungle, said after one of their players got flagged for taunting down while down 20 points, “Well, it’s the Bengals.” Continue reading »

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Brown Tomlin

As the first half came to an end in yesterday’s game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and Miami Dolphins, the Fins attempted an insane 52 yard field goal on the snow covered field into the notorious open end of the stadium. Predictably, the kick fell about ten yards short where Troy Polamalu caught it on the fly. Troy being Troy, he immediately took off running in an attempt to recreate Auburn-Alabama. After one of several laterals was miraculously caught by Ike Taylor, he decided not to tempt fate and fell on the ball rather than attempt a lateral of his own. It was one of the greatest meaningless plays I’ve ever seen.

Until the final play of the game.

After a failed fourth down conversion handed Miami a first down on the Steelers 9, the Dolphins milked the clock, ultimately settling for a field goal with a minute left. Three plays later, the Steelers were reduced to a desperate game of hook and lateral that ended when Antonio Brown some how broke free down the sideline and ran untouched for what looked to be a miraculous go-ahead touchdown. Unfortunately, AB’s pinky toe just nipped the sideline on his way to the end zone, thus preserving Miami’s 34-28 victory. Continue reading »

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