Recaps Archives - Total Steelers » Total Steelers

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Thank goodness for byes because I don’t think my blood pressure can take another week of this.

After playing the first two and a half quarters like a bunch of extras on the Walking Dead, the Pittsburgh Steelers rallied late to edge the Tennessee Titans 27-24. For a long stretch, it appeared we were headed for yet another instance of the Steelers losing to a bad team as has become all too common during the Mike Tomlin era. If you stuck around for ESPN’s post-game show, well, you were treated to the glorious sight of Ray Lewis losing every last bit of his street cred by wearing an Elmer Fudd hat. You also got a chance to see Steve Young react with extreme exasperation over the Steelers’ annoying habit of playing down to their competition.

Try watching this team week in and week out, Steve. Continue reading »

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Raise your hand if you’re shocked to hear the Pittsburgh Steelers crapped the bed against a terrible team they had no business losing to. Anybody? Bueller? Bieber?

Justin Bieber dropped by the Steelers’ Bible Study group on Saturday night. I’ve been blogging for almost ten years now and I’m pretty sure that’s the strangest sentence I’ve ever written. Evidently, the Biebs is a Steeler fan which I suppose is karmic justice for us already having Snoop Dogg. Anyway, much like Selena Gomez, Bieber once again got involved with something good only to leave it utterly ruined.

How else can to explain the Black and Gold’s utterly miserable performance against the New York Jets? The final score of 20-13 doesn’t really convey how pitiful a performance this actually was. If it wasn’t for Martavis Bryant making a tremendous play for an 80 yard touchdown with a little over a minute left, the formerly red hot Steeler offense would’ve been held to two measly field goals. Two field goals! Continue reading »

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Stonecold Shaun Suisham

Back in week two, the Baltimore Ravens humbled the Pittsburgh Steelers with a one-sided butt whuppin’. Last night, the Black and Gold got sweet sweet revenge thanks to yet another record-setting performance from Ben Roethlisberger. A rivalry once known for close games has now become a series of knockout punches. This time the Steelers were left standing at the end, owners of an epic 43-23 smackdown over their hated rivals.

Oddly enough, the first quarter seemed to imply doom for the hometown team. Ben was getting the bejeezus beat out of him, culminating in a late hit that left him checking if his jaw was still attached. There were actually two personal fouls called on that one play, which is just about the most Raven-y thing ever. Prior to that drive, though, the Steelers were stuck in neutral, going almost the entire first quarter without a single first down. Their first decent drive ended after Ben was sacked on three consecutive snaps and it really looked it was going to be a herculean struggle to get the ball in the end zone. Continue reading »

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So this is what if feels like to have seen a UFO. Or Bigfoot. Or the Flyers win the Stanley Cup.

Here we are over twelve hours later and I still can’t believe what I saw yesterday afternoon actually happened. Is this real life? Is it just fantasy? I have no idea who those guys in bumblebee jerseys were but I’d like to see more of them.

The Pittsburgh Steelers, behind a record setting passing performance from Ben Roethlisberger, outgunned the Indianapolis Colts 51-34. The two teams combined for over a 1,000 yards of total offense. Big Ben became only the second QB in NFL history with 500 passing yards, 6 TD, 0 INT in a game. His 522 yards tied him with Boomer Esiason for fourth most in NFL history, thirty behind Norm Van Brocklin‘s record set back in 1951. Continue reading »

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Ron Burgundy with all the analysis you really need.

For the first quarter plus of last night’s game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and Houston Texans, things could not have been going worse for the Black and Gold. The Steelers offense got off to glacial start – punctuated by boos from the Heinz Field faithful mixing in with the raindrops from above. And our defense couldn’t get off the field, allowing Houston to drive for three straight scores on their first three possessions. By early in the second quarter, Arian Foster had already tallied nearly 100 yards rushing while our inept secondary and anemic pass rush was making Ryan Fitzpatrick look like Joe Montana.

Then come the thunder. Continue reading »

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Nobody panic. Antonio Brown caught seven passes to keep his reception streak record alive.

Under the Mike Tomlin regime, it’s only the truly important things that count!

In less important news, the Pittsburgh Steelers lost 31-10 to the Cleveland Browns. Actually, they didn’t so much “lose” as get their asses handed to them. After a sluggish first quarter where both teams seemed determined to out-suck each other, the Browns kicked it into gear and never looked back. It was by far the easiest win they’ve had this season and oh by the way it was their easiest win over the Steelers since a 49 point shellacking they gave us way back in 1989.

And you know what? Nothing that happened yesterday surprised me in the least.

The Steelers are a terrible team. Awful. Horrible. Pathetic. Insert whatever adjective you’d like. Continue reading »

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Jacksonville Jaguars Pool Pink Bikini Terrible Towel Gif

Yo,  blonde in the pink bikini, hit me up some time. I’m on twitter.

The Pittsburgh Steelers defeated the Jacksonville Jaguars 17-9 then proceeded to add insult to injury by taking over their pool. Not that many in the crowd of 70,000 were offended considering a solid two thirds of them were Steeler fans anyway. There are a lot of terrible fan bases in the NFL but none scrape the bottom of the barrel quite as badly as Jacksonville. We’re five games into the season and other than week two at Baltimore, I don’t think the Black and Gold have played an actual road game yet.

Where to start with yesterday’s performance… Continue reading »

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Well, I hate to say I told you so…

But I did tell you so.

In the least surprising “major upset” ever, the winless Tampa Bay Buccaneers left Heinz Field with their first victory of the season, scoring a last second go-ahead touchdown to upend the Pittsburgh Steelers 27-24. While I’m not shocked the Steelers lost, I am embarrassed by exactly how they lost. I have never seen a more sloppy and undisciplined Steeler team. They’ve become a Black and Gold disgrace.

And it all starts with Mike Tomlin. Continue reading »

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Sometimes it’s better to be lucky than good.

Lady Luck must have been one of the several thousand Black and Gold clad fans who invaded Bank of America Stadium last night to watch the Pittsburgh Steelers steamroll the Carolina Panthers 37-19. To say the Steelers got some breaks would be an understatement. Or, in the case of poor Ike Taylor, a statement you could take quite literally. Continue reading »

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Maybe Ryan Clark wasn’t so bad after all…

After a week dominated by the Ray Rice controversy, the Baltimore Ravens came out and crushed the Pittsburgh Steelers 26-6 on the inaugural edition of CBS Thursday Night Football. Towards the end of the game, commentator Jim Nantz said the Ratbirds were “galvanized” by recent events proving nothing brings a team together better than a wife-beater. Then the players themselves did Nantz one better by dedicated yesterday’s performance to Rice, poor unfairly maligned soul that he is.

Stay classy, Baltimore. Continue reading »

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