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Week 10 Recap: Steelers Have A Gay Old Time

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All is right with the world.

The Pittsburgh Steelers bounced back from last weekend’s soul-crushing loss by defeating the Cincinnati Bengals 24-17 in what was a road game in name only. While Steeler Nation is to be commended for taking over yet another stadium, I implore them to not read too much into this victory. The temptation to say “Well, Cincy is what we thought they were” will be great even though this game was every bit as close as the final score indicates. From what I saw yesterday, I truly believe Cincy will be the team we battle for control of the AFC North in years to come.

The Black and Gold got off to a fast start, scoring touchdowns on their first two drives of the afternoon. The first drive concluded with Ben Roethlisberger scrambling away from danger and finding Jerricho Cotchery in the end zone for his first Steeler TD. The Cotch Rocket would later have another TD wiped off the board on a similar catch-and-run. I hate to belabor this point since it makes me sound like a Hines Ward hater, which I’m definitely not, but why is this guy not playing more? Hines, who spent almost the entire game on the sideline, caught one ball for 10 yards as it appears his career is quickly reaching an end.
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Week 9 Recap: Out Roethlisbergering Roethlisberger

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On Saturday, I got snookered into watching what was laughingly dubbed “The Game of the Century” between Alabama and LSU. The media’s desperate efforts to convince us that sloppy snoozefest was an “instant classic” doesn’t change the fact there were five good offensive plays in the whole thing, four of which were by lineman. The latest chapter in the epic rivalry between the Baltimore Ravens and the Pittsburgh Steelers invited comparisons to that game by the blabbering fools in the the booth, which is like comparing a Porsche to a Kia. Last night was a true Game of the Century.

Unfortunately, the Steelers came out on the losing end.

Ninety-two yards. Those three words will live in Steeler infamy alongside Tim McKyer, Joe Nedney and SpyGate. Ninety-two yards. How does the most vaunted defense in the NFL allow a team to drive almost the length of the field in less than two minutes with the game on the line?
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Week 8 Recap: Out-Patrioting The Patriots

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Two out of three ain’t bad.

In my game preview, I listed three things I thought the Pittsburgh Steelers absolutely had to do in order to defeat the New England Patriots. To be honest, I didn’t think they’d actually do any of them. Well, fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, thy name is Bill Belichick.

The Steelers completely overhauled their usual game plan on both sides of the ball yesterday. The result was a convincing 25-17 victory over the hated Patriots. It was, by any measure, the team’s most impressive performance of 2011. If the Black and Gold goes on a run which culminates in another trip up the Stairway to Seven, we’re undoubtedly going to look back at week eight as the turning point in the season.

Longtime Steeler fans will remember an infamous Monday Night game many years back when the Patriots came out throwing on something like twenty consecutive plays. Yesterday, the Steelers gave them a taste of their own medicine. Ben Roethlisberger threw the ball 32 times. In the first half.

Ben would finish the afternoon 36/50 for 365 yards and 2 TDs. He came out firing and never let up, even when it would have been prudent to do so. I’ve been a Steeler fan for a pretty long time. While I’m not exactly reaching for Touch of Grey, I remember seeing John Stallworth catch passes from Mark Malone. I’ve never seen a better performance by a Steeler signal caller than the one Ben put forth yesterday.
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Week 7 Recap: Streaks of Yellow

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The [intlink id=”21″ type=”category”]Pittsburgh Steelers[/intlink] defeated a game but over-matched Arizona Cardinals 32-20. It was allegedly a home game for the Cards but whenever CBS cut to a crowd shot, all you saw was a sea of Black and Gold. A bunch of Cardinal fans had pathetic little flags which I assume the locals handed out to counteract the Terrible Towel although it was to no avail. I’m used to Steeler Nation taking over opposing stadiums, to the point I hardly ever mention it in my recaps, but yesterday may have been the largest hostile takeover since Gordon Gekko tried to take over Bluestar Airlines.

The game started off tremendously for the Steelers. Lawrence Timmons batted a Kevin Kolb pass that was intercepted by [intlink id=”60″ type=”category”]Ryan Clark[/intlink]’s mouth. If only we could stuff it with a football. That’s our second interception of the season, by the way. [intlink id=”57″ type=”category”]Troy Polamalu[/intlink] just missed our third on the Cardinal’s next possession when he dropped a ball that hit him between the 4 and the 3. [intlink id=”14″ type=”category”]Ben Roethlisberger[/intlink] capped the drive by hitting Heath Miller for a 12 yard score and when Arizona went three and out on their next drive it seemed the route was on.

Big Ben marched the team into Arizona territory before [intlink id=”85″ type=”category”]Chris Kemoeatu[/intlink] lumbered ten yards down the field like a charging rhinoceros and decided to spear somebody about ten seconds after the play had ended. The personal foul ruined the drive and the Steelers were forced to punt. The Cardinals still couldn’t get anything going and the teams exchanged punts until Ben finally said “Screw it. Go deep!” and hit a streak of yellow aka [intlink id=”82″ type=”category”]Mike Wallace[/intlink] for a 95 yard touchdown bomb.

Then everything fell apart.
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Week 6 Recap: Yo Gobble Gabbert

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Sometimes you drink the wine and sometimes you stomp the grapes. This week, the [intlink id=”21″ type=”category”]Pittsburgh Steelers[/intlink] put on a performance more reminiscent of prune juice. It started off nice and smooth but about an hour and a half later you were left with a queasy feeling that had you praying to the porcelain god that the whole ordeal would soon be over.

The scoreboard says the Black and Gold defeated the Jacksonville Jaguars 17-13. The Pessimistic Inner Yinzer says, “Hey yous guys, we was lucky to walk away with a W. Against a halfway decent team, we wouldn’t be so lucky n’at.” Bill Cowher was fond of saying you are what your record says you are while [intlink id=”86″ type=”category”]Mike Tomlin [/intlink]likes to say there are no awards for style points. Well, the win-loss column may say the Steelers are 4-2 but the style of play tells me this is not a 4-2 caliber team.

Picking up from last week’s thumping of the Tennessee Titans, the Steelers dominated on both sides of the ball for the first thirty minutes. The offense racked up 315 yards of total offense while the defense held Jacksonville under 90. [intlink id=”88″ type=”category”]Rashard Mendenhall[/intlink] ran like a spy drone was hot on his tail, ripping off a 68 yarder in route to a 113 yard first half performance. [intlink id=”14″ type=”category”]Ben Roethlisberger[/intlink] completed 11 passes for 181 yards, highlighted by a 28 yard touchdown to [intlink id=”82″ type=”category”]Mike Wallace[/intlink]. His opposite number, Jacksonville rookie quarterback Blaine Gabbert, couldn’t get anything going. He was under constant siege from a ferocious Blitzburgh defense, particularly [intlink id=”70″ type=”category”]LaMarr Woodley[/intlink] and  Brett Keisel, who would finish with two sacks apiece.
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Week 5 Recap: In Max We Trust

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Go figure.

Almost half their starting defense out. Top two running backs injured and a starting quarterback who’s a walking limping human bruise. A never-ending revolving door along the offensive line now featuring a starting left tackle that allegedly suffered a career-ending injury last year and was only re-signed on Tuesday. Facing off against a 3-1 team with the sixth ranked defense and one of the top five running backs in the NFL.

And what happens?

The [intlink id=”21″ type=”category”]Pittsburgh Steelers[/intlink] completely obliterate the Tennessee Titans 38-17. Unlike previous weeks, the final score is precisely indicative of how the game actually went. To say this was the Black and Gold’s finest performance of 2011 would be a colossal understatement. To say they finally looked like the team that went to last year’s Super Bowl would be far more accurate.
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Week 4 Recap: Down And Out In Houston

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The [intlink id=”21″ type=”category”]Pittsburgh Steelers[/intlink] ain’t drinkin’ wine.  They’re still stompin’ grapes.

The Black and Gold shook off a first half grape-stomping by the Houston Texans to make it a game before ultimately falling short 17-10. I feel like a broken record saying this but the final score does not accurately reflect what happened in the game. The Texans had not one but two touchdowns wiped off the scoreboard because of boneheaded penalties. Shaun Suisham’s Miss of the Week was of the blocked variety but Daniael Manning blocked Dan Sepulveda in the back nullifying the TD. Well, despite Dierdorf’s asinine hollering, the Dreamy One did play linebacker at Baylor. Late in the fourth, a pick six was wiped out for roughing [intlink id=”14″ type=”category”]Ben Roethlisberger[/intlink].

If not for the Texans self-inflicted wounds and a gallant defensive effort in the second half, this would have been one of the most one-sided ass-whuppins’ in recent memory. I’ve seldom seen the Steelers dominated in all three phases of the game like they were yesterday. Arian Foster had 90 rushing yards in the first quarter. The Texans began the game by driving 114 yards for a touchdown. ONE HUNDRED FOURTEEN YARDS. How is this possible? Houston started at their own 5 and took two 10 yard holding penalties along the way.
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Week 3 Recap: Flirting With Disaster

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Remember last week when I wrote about uninspiring victories…

For those readers too old to stay up late or those who simply could not stomach the carnage, your [intlink id=”21″ type=”category”]Pittsburgh Steelers[/intlink] managed to squeak by the Indianapolis Colts 23-20 on a last second Shaun Suisham field goal last night on NBC Sunday Night Football. I don’t know what’s more impressive, that Suisham made a clutch kick or that the Steelers were able to find eleven guys to put on the field for the attempt. I don’t know how many ice baths they have in Lucas Oil Stadium but I guarantee there won’t be enough. Perhaps everyone will just have to share.

Pity the poor fool who ends up with Chris Kemoeatu.

The Steelers, ten point favorites according to the leg-breakers out in Vegas, should have lost. If not for absolutely inept quarterbacking by the fearsome duo of Kerry Collins and Curtis Painter, they probably would have. This game basically came down to two plays which determined the final outcome. First was Painter’s overthrow of a wide open Pierre Garcon, who ran a simple slant-and-go route which [intlink id=”101″ type=”category”]Ike Taylor[/intlink] inexplicably bailed on after the slant part. Had Painter completed the pass, there was nothing but 75 yards of green grass and high tides forever.
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Week 2 Recap: Steelers Treat Seattle Like Sapps

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NFL analyst Warren Sapp recently derided the Pittsburgh Steelers saying they were “old, slow, and it’s over.” I wonder if he’ll take the drumstick out of his mouth long enough to retract that statement in the wake of the[intlink id=”21″ type=”category”] Steelers[/intlink] 24-0 drubbing of the Seattle Seahawks.  Much like last week, the final score doesn’t accurately reflect the one-sidedness of the actual game.  The old slow Steelers dominated in every facet, amassing 421 yards to the Pigeons meager 164 while tossing their first complete game shut out since 2008.  Sadly, that’s one more than the Pirates have had this year.

[intlink id=”52″ type=”category”]James Harrison[/intlink], who was nearly invisible last week, played like a man possessed. [intlink id=”57″ type=”category”]Troy Polamalu[/intlink], whom Sapp mocked for whiffing on a tackle of Ed Dickson, led the team with 8 tackles including one sack while also defensing one pass which should have gone for a Pick Six.  To give you an idea of how thorough a whupping Dick LeBeau’s men laid on Seattle, the Seahawks didn’t venture into Steeler territory until well into the fourth quarter. Not that the Steelers didn’t display areas where they could still improve. Bryant McFadden did not play, leaving [intlink id=”96″ type=”category”]Will.i.am Gay[/intlink] to offer comfy 5 yard cushions to our guests. It also afforded Keenan Lewis his first extended look against actual NFL competition. Both failed to distinguish themselves, playing loose coverage which would spell disaster against a more capable quarterback.
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Week 1 Recap: Ravens Humiliate Steelers

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Who saw that coming?

The [intlink id=”141″ type=”category”]Baltimore Ravens[/intlink] handed the [intlink id=”21″ type=”category”]Pittsburgh Steelers [/intlink]one of the most humiliating defeats in franchise history yesterday afternoon. The final score of 35-7 doesn’t even begin to accurately describe the level of domination the Ratbirds displayed in humbling the defending AFC Champions. This was the team’s first opening day loss since 2003 and their worst opening defeat in 14 years.  The Steelers had seven turnovers, the most in any single game going all the way back to September 24, 1995.

This was the Ravens’ Super Bowl and they played like their season depended on each and every play.  I’m only shocked they didn’t dump Gatorade on their coach when the final whistle blew. Speaking of head coach John Harbaugh, what a shameful display of showboating. Refusing to call off the dogs when the game was comfortably in hand is one thing, fist pumping and acting the fool is absolutely uncalled for. When he dialed up a fake kick/2 point conversion when an extra point would have sufficiently put them ahead by three scores, the message was clear. Then, late in the fourth quarter with the game clearly over, he had Joe Flacco throwing bombs in to the end zone in an obvious effort to run up the score.

I’m not going to complain about that or the thuggish Ravens going after Troy Polamalu and Ike Taylor inciting a near brawl in the third quarter (which somehow ended with only Ike getting a penalty although I’m sure the Ginger Dictator will find some way to fine the entire defense).  The word “class” is associated with Baltimore about as often as Justin Beiber is associated with masculinity. The Ratbirds swagger and boast when the Steelers are dominating them, what should we expect when they actually win for once?
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