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Roster Moves

Steelers Add A Buckeye, Dismiss A Cowgirl

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The Pittsburgh Steelers made news over the weekend, both stories involving the quarterback position. Most notably, Ben Roethlisberger quietly settled the Nevada civil lawsuit brought against him by Andrea McNulty. The sexy cowgirl alleged Ben lured her up to his Lake Tahoe hotel room by asking her to fix his television (really? that’s his best line?), then proceeded to sexually assault her. The settlement details are sealed so we’ll probably never know exactly how much a night of hot sex with a crazy bitch cost Big Ben. The story mentions McNulty wanted $380,000 to cover “medical expenses” aka psychiatric help in addition to punitive damages so it’s logical to assume Ben probably agreed to pay her medical bills out of the goodness of his heart (his story) or as an admission of guilt (her’s) to make this thing go away. It’d be colossally naive to think Team McNulty took the case this far only to drop it without compensation.

Now that 98 of Ben’s 99 Problems are gone, look for him to ditch his sham wife in the near future.

In other news, the Steelers signed former Ohio State and Baltimore Ravens quarterback Troy Smith. A 2006 Heisman trophy winner with tOSU, Smith spent 2011 playing for the vaunted Omaha Nighthawks in the United Football League. He started one game, throwing two touchdown passes in a crushing defeat at the hands of the world-renowned Sacramento Mountain Lions. Prior to UFL glory, he spent three years with the Ratbirds, who took him in the 5th round of the ’07 draft. After backing-up Kyle Boller in his first year, he fell victim to a rare bacterial disease in year two, opening the door for rookie Joe Flacco to start. After two years in charge of waxing Bert’s unibrow, Smith moved to San Francisco in 2010 where he started five games and led the Niners to three of their six victories.
Read More »Steelers Add A Buckeye, Dismiss A Cowgirl

Say Good-Bye To Veteran Steelers

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While four teams still remain in the NFL playoffs, the rest of the league is turning their attention toward next season. In yesterday’s Post-Gazette, team president Art Rooney mentioned that the Pittsburgh Steelers will be facing “tough decisions” this off-season. Translation:  We brought back the old slow veterans for one more go ’round the track but since they failed, it’s off to the glue factory for some of them.

Peter King, of all people, pointed out the Steelers future salary cap woes before the season began and it bears examining now that we’re faced with the consequences. Next year’s cap is projected to be in the neighborhood of $125 million, which the current roster currently exceeds by somewhere between $20-25 million. That’s money already committed, to say nothing about money needed to sign draft picks, re-sign Mike Wallace, Issac Redman and other pending free agents, and perhaps *gasp* even spending a buck or two on the FA market to bring a decent lineman in here so our franchise QB doesn’t get broken in two halfway through the season.

Steeler Nation has been somewhat spoiled by management that’s stayed one step ahead of the game when dealing with the salary cap. The team has been clever about restructuring deals and/or adding bonus money or years in order to lower the cap hit. Problem is, adding years to guys already pushing their mid-30s is completely idiotic. And if Indianapolis is seriously considering cutting Peyton Manning, the man who made their sad little franchise relevant, in order to avoid paying him a roster bonus (and the accompanying cap hit), there’s nobody on the Steelers who should be untouchable.
Read More »Say Good-Bye To Veteran Steelers

Why Is Shaun Suisham Still In Pittsburgh?

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Sometimes it’s hard to be a fan of the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Don’t get me wrong, I feel blessed to follow the greatest franchise in NFL history. I realize how lucky we are to watch a Super Bowl contender seemingly year in and year out. I do not for one second take our six Lombardi Trophies for granted. Even after the most heart-breaking of losses, I never for a moment question my allegiance.

There are still times when the Steeler Way can be immensely frustrating. While it works eight times out of ten, the two times it fails, it fails spectacularly. We all play armchair GM from time to time but I wouldn’t pretend I could do a better job than Kevin Colbert. At the same time, many of his player personnel decisions continue to puzzle me.

The last two and half minutes of the Steelers-Ravens game were an absolute mess. People rightly focus on the D’s epic bed-crapping in letting Joe F’N Flacco drive 92 yards on them for the game winning touchdown. Others focus on Ryan Clark and Will.i.am Gay, both of whom played miserably all night long. However, lost in the wash, was the comical Chinese Fire Drill on the Steelers final possession where they got the ball down to the Baltimore 30, called a time out to discuss their options, sent their field goal unit out but fooled around too long and got called for a delay of game which left them with no choice but to punt.
Read More »Why Is Shaun Suisham Still In Pittsburgh?

Know Thy Enemy: Tennessee Titans

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Sit down. Decompress. Put on your favorite pair of comfy slippers. Make a chipped ham sammitch. Get yourself in a nice relaxed frame of mind for what you’re about to read.

The [intlink id=”20″ type=”category”]Pittsburgh Steelers[/intlink] are going to lose to the Tennessee Titans this Sunday.

I know, I know. Way to kick off the weekend, Mr. Positive. Look at it this way, it’s far better to keep expectations low and hope the team surpasses them than set the bar high and then get bummed when they fail to clear it. And if I’m wrong, I’ll eat crow with a smile on my face.

Let’s get right to it.
Read More »Know Thy Enemy: Tennessee Titans

Willie Colon: Down And Out

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That was $29 million well spent…

[intlink id=”23″ type=”category”]Pittsburgh Steelers[/intlink] right tackle [intlink id=”85″ type=”category”]Willie Colon[/intlink] was evidently injured some time during the season opening debacle against Baltimore.  You’ll have to forgive me for failing to mention this in my game recap as the difference between a healthy Colon and an injured one is barely noticeable.  This is a bizarre situation as [intlink id=”45″ type=”category”]Mike Tomlin[/intlink], in his post-game press conference, did not list Colon as being among the wounded. News of the injury only emerged late Monday evening, when the Steelers’ crack medical staff discovered what is reportedly a torn triceps.

If Colon did indeed suffer a torn triceps, his 2011 season is over.  Man, it sure was great the Steelers made like Pacman at a strip club and rained millions of dollars down upon him the second free agency began.  Not only was re-signing Colon, who missed all of last season after tearing his Achilles in OTAs, their top priority, it led to a domino effect where the entire line was revamped in an effort to accommodate his ridiculously undeserved contract.  Max Starks and Flozell Adams, who formed the finest bookend tandem this team has had in years, were released because the Steelers inexplicably felt Colon was better than either of them.
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Your 2011 Pittsburgh Steelers

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Hope everybody had a nice Labor Day weekend. Sorry for not updating the past couple days but as the proud grandson of a steelworker, I honor my forefathers by doing nothing more strenuous than throwing brats on the grill, cracking open a PBR and watching fireworks over Labor Day holiday.

While in absentia, the Pittsburgh Steelers finalized the roster which will lead them to legendary glory here in 2011 (and hopefully well in to 2012).  The biggest surprise cut was second year cornerback [intlink id=”96″ type=”category”]Crezdon Butler.[/intlink]  Butler played quite a bit during the preseason, struggling at times but also showing flashes of ability.  The team is thin enough at corner that it’s surprising they’d just give up on a youngster so soon.  It’s slightly reminiscent of last year when Joe Burnett played similarly well yet still failed to make the team.  Then again, Burnett was a final round cut by the New York Giants this season so I guess [intlink id=”23″ type=”category”]Kevin Colbert[/intlink] knows what he’s doing.
Read More »Your 2011 Pittsburgh Steelers

Bless You, Troy Polamalu

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Finding an honorable football player is akin to finding a virgin in a whorehouse.  By the way, we here at TotalSteelers were saddened to hear about the recent arrest of the Monroeville Madam.  Hopefully she shredded her records from 2009. The story was shocking not because her clientele included “professional athletes” as everybody knows the Pittsburgh Pirates only score when they pay for it.  No, I was surprised to learn her pimp daddy was “Buck” Buczkowski, an ex-NFL lineman who played his college ball at Pitt.

That kind of work seems far better suited to Miami alums.

Getting back on track, I’ve long held the belief that most professional athletes are assholes.  I’m not saying they all are but there is a certain level of arrogance that goes hand in hand with being paid obscene amounts of money and having 35,000 fans cheer your every move on Sunday.  Think back to who were the most arrogant kids in high school.  The jocks, right?  Pro athletes are the jocks magnified by a factor of ten.  And because of that, many have ginormous egos and an overinflated sense of entitlement.
Read More »Bless You, Troy Polamalu