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Steelers Final Preseason Game Tonight (Whew!)

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Tonight, the Pittsburgh Steelers travel down to Charlotte for their annual preseason meeting with the Carolina Panthers. Why do we always play the Panthers, you may ask? Because Panthers owner Jerry Richardson is a card-carrying member of the FOD (Friends of Dan, as in Rooney). So while the Rooneys and the Richardsons sip Mint Juleps and discuss tee times up in the owners box, we get to see the Panthers at least once every year. Yippee.

To make a meaningless game even more meaningless, this is the fourth and final game of the preseason for the Black and Gold. The fourth game is the one where coaches are most careful. Anybody with so much as an ingrown toenail sits out because nobody wants to lose a player one short week away from the regular season. Last year, Mike Tomlin announced half the starting line-up wasn’t even going to be in uniform. As of this writing, Coach T hasn’t said much other than Landry Jones would be seeing the bulk of the playing time.

In other words, feel free to watch the Pittsburgh Pirates unless you’re a degenerate gambler who bet on this game or you really really have a thing for young Landry.Read More »Steelers Final Preseason Game Tonight (Whew!)

Bill Cowher In Mascara And Bondage

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Remember when we thought the image of Bill Cowher – giant fake choppers gleaming, sweat flying off his toupee – maniacally cranking away at the storm siren during the playoff series between the Carolina Hurricanes and Pittsburgh Penguins was possibly the most disturbing thing a Steeler fan would ever see?

Think again.

About a month ago, Cowher was involved in a car accident in New York City. Thankfully nobody was hurt and it was such a non-news story, I never even bothered to mention it. The only notable aspect to the story was the addendum that Cowher had a passenger – a female passenger – with him when the crash occurred.

The Chin has a girlfriend….the Chin has a girlfriend…Read More »Bill Cowher In Mascara And Bondage

Steelers Cut A Bunch Of Guys

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According to NFL rules, teams have until this afternoon to whittle their roster down to 75 men. The Pittsburgh Steelers decided to do things on their own timetable. Yesterday afternoon, a bunch of future insurance agents and used car salesmen got the dreaded news that they had been cut.

About a dozen players got a visit from the Turk. A few more were stashed away on injured reserve. Sean Spence, who hasn’t had a single healthy moment since being drafted last year yet continues to be on the team’s radar, was placed on the PUP list with the option of being activated after week 6. I’m not sure exactly how the new PUP rule works, I know one and only one player per season may be return after being placed on it, but I’m not sure if you have to designate which guy that is beforehand. If you do and they wasted it on Spence, then both Heath Miller and Le’Veon Bell will take up space on the active 53 man roster despite the fact neither one is expected to be ready for awhile.Read More »Steelers Cut A Bunch Of Guys

Jones Injury Overshadows Steelers Third Preseason Loss

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Pop Quiz: What’s worse than an NFL preseason game?

Answer: An NFL preseason game that goes into overtime.

The Pittsburgh Steelers remained O for the preseason on Saturday, falling to the Kansas City Chiefs 26-20 in overtime. Seriously, overtime? They couldn’t just agree to shake hands and call it a tie? Screw the degenerate gamblers who bet on exhibition games.

While nobody wants to go winless at anything, one ray of sunshine coming out of Saturday’s performance was that it was much improved over the first two debacles. Considering the third preseason game is a dress rehearsal for the regular season with starters playing a full half (or more), that’s obviously a really good thing. The other positive development was that the Steelers emerged from the game more or less unscathed. Read More »Jones Injury Overshadows Steelers Third Preseason Loss

What Can Go Wrong For Steelers Tonight?

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The Pittsburgh Steelers meet the Kansas City Chiefs tonight in the all-important third exhibition preseason  game.  As I did last season, I beseech you, if you’re going to the game, don’t walk under any ladders.  Steer clear of black cats.  And if you own a rabbit’s foot, by all means bring it with you. That is, if the NFL Security Overlords permit you to smuggle it in within your regulation size purse.

The third preseason game is always a mixed blessing. It’s the most watchable game because starters usually see a good half of action in preparation for the season opener. But it’s also the scariest because within that half, you’re constantly hoping and praying none of the starters get injured. In a just world, when that half is over, everybody is healthy and ready for the regular season.

Unfortunately, we don’t live in a just world.Read More »What Can Go Wrong For Steelers Tonight?

Steelers Trade For Felix Jones

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The calamities which decimated the Pittsburgh Steelers secondary early in the preseason have now befallen the team’s running backs. Pick a back, any back, and I have an injury for you.

LaRod Stephens-Howling has some sort of MCL sprain. Both Baron Batch and Isaac Redman are recovering from stingers. Le’Veon Bell has a Lisfranc injury or unknown severity. At this point, fumble-prone Jonathan Dwyer is the last man standing.

Bell is by far the biggest loss. We saw what the other guys could do last season with the word “mediocrity” immediately springing to mind. That’s why the Steelers took Bell in the second round and why Bell was slated to be the team’s featured back. In the unintentional comedy department, the team’s unofficial propaganda machine aka the Post-Gazette, posted that Bell’s injury “is not as serious as the team initially feared, but he could be out up to six weeks because of a small ligament tear in his right foot.”Read More »Steelers Trade For Felix Jones

Todd Haley Had Big Ben On Short Leash

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When Jerome Bettis retired after Super Bowl XL, he was immediately snapped up by NBC to be a featured analyst on their flagship Sunday Night Football franchise. The Peacock was so invested in the Bus, they even gave him a bit part in the underrated TV series Chuck in a bid for cross-promotion. Unfortunately, Bettis isn’t an arrogant, self-serving loudmouth like Shannon Sharpe, Keyshawn Johnson, or Rodney Harrison so he quickly found himself unemployed. Because no ex-athlete stays unemployed for long, ESPN recently announced that the Bus was coming aboard the Four Letter to make the occasional appearance on NFL Live and Sportscenter.

The only memorable moment during Bettis’s entire tenure at NBC was revealing that Bill Cowher had also intended to retire following the Pittsburgh Steelers‘ fifth Super Bowl victory. That comment raised a lot of ire amongst the Black and Gold, who like to keep their secrets in-house. Well, looks like the even more secretive Mike Tomlin regime has their very own Edward Snowden to deal with.

Retired quarterback Charlie Batch is working as an analyst on the Steelers’ radio pregame show. And like any good analyst, he decided to reveal state secrets. A couple days ago, Batch revealed that offensive coordinator Todd Haley wouldn’t allow Ben Roethlisberger to call audibles last season.Read More »Todd Haley Had Big Ben On Short Leash

Le’Veon Bell Down And Out

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What is it with the Pittsburgh Steelers and highly drafted running backs?

In 1989, they took Tim Worley with the seventh overall pick. I’ll forever argue Worley had the most talent of any back the team has had in the past 25 years although we’ll never know for sure because he was a drug-addled goof who never got his career on track. That he has since cleaned up his act is heartening even if it falls under the category of “Fifteen years too late.” Four years later, they took Bam Morris in the third round and he, too, pissed away a promising career due to drug abuse.

Fast forward to 2008 when the Steelers take Rashard Mendenhall in the first round. With The Bus retired and Fast Willie Parker stuck in neutral, the team thought they were getting their next workhorse back. In his first NFL start, Mendy got laid out by Ray Lewis, broke his collarbone, and was lost for the season. He never lived up to expectations and was mercifully allowed to leave via free agency

Now we have Le’Veon Bell.Read More »Le’Veon Bell Down And Out

Heath Miller To Miss First Month Of Season?

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The Pittsburgh Steelers haven’t played a single meaningful game this season and we’re already deeply concerned about their injury situation. To review, the Black and Gold have suffered a rash of injuries that has decimated depth to at secondary, running back, and tight end.  The good news, that is if you believe the updates given out by incorrigible liar Mike Tomlin, is that many of those players will be back before long.

One who may not be is Heath Miller.Read More »Heath Miller To Miss First Month Of Season?

Steelers Second Preseason Game Worse Than The First

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Keep repeating: “It’s only the preseason. It’s only the preseason.”

The Pittsburgh Steelers played their second preseason game last night, losing to the Washington Redskins 24-13. The final score isn’t as important as how the team performed. In their first preseason game, the Black and Gold looked sloppy and undisciplined. If nothing else, I was hoping to see the team’s level of play improve across the board.

Talk about one step forward, two steps back. Where to begin with last night’s debacle?Read More »Steelers Second Preseason Game Worse Than The First