Steeler Nation Has A New Banner To Wave

 Posted by at 6:08 am  Steeler Nation  Comments Off on Steeler Nation Has A New Banner To Wave
Sep 072012

Remember the Terrible Towel? Myron Cope‘s brainchild has been a cherished symbol to members of Steeler Nation and an object of much scorn to those who are jealous of the Pittsburgh Steelers success. The Terrible Towel has been everywhere, from the Great Wall of China to outer space. The stories associated with the Towel are numerous, such as the curse which befalls those who desecrate it to the story of obnoxious Redskins owner Danny Snyder ordering his team to hand out cheap knock-offs because he was so angry over seeing a sea of Towels twirling through the air the last time Steeler Nation invaded FedEx Field.

As if having one banner wasn’t enough, the Steelers have evidently authorized another. I guess the NFL realized what a cash machine Allegheny Valley School has with those Towels so they’re desperate to duplicate it for 31 other teams. A few years back, they tried to sell people on insipid team inspired “Rally Towels” which were widely mocked as obvious rip-offs and totally failed to catch on because no fan base is as rabid as Steeler Nation. So the marketing geniuses over at the NFL have gone back to the drawing board and come with something called the Fan Flag Challenge where fans for each team submitted their designs for team-specific flags.

The Steelers, ever the loyal soldiers, went along with this farce. The winning design, as pictured above, was done by Brent Osbourne, a 12 year veteran of the US Army. I have to admit, what Mr. Osbourne came up with was pretty sweet. The six hypocycloids (the technical name for those stars the Steelers wear on their helmets) representing the six Lombardi Trophies along with the magnificent Pittsburgh skyline make the flag look quite striking.

As an aside, how annoying is it that our own hometown newspaper, the Post-Gazette, still writes “Steelers Nation” when everybody else uses Steeler Nation? UFlorida fans don’t say Gators Nation and the two remaining Boston baseball fans don’t say Red Soxes Nation, do they? Man, unless you have a parakeet or are in the process of paper-training your puppy, I don’t know why anybody bothers with that unreadable rag. Screw Mark Cuban buying the Pirates, why can’t he come here and start a decent newspaper, perhaps with some columnists under the age of 65?

Anyway, Steeler Nation surely doesn’t need another symbol to wave around when they invade opposing team’s stadiums. However, many of us do have flag poles and as cool as a Terrible Towel looks worn Yinzer-style (tucked through your belt on game days), it’s not exactly ideal home decor. For those of us with flag poles, basically everybody living in Mt. Lebanon, this new Steelers flag will look snazzy flying high above our homes from September through Super Bowl Sunday. When they actually get around to selling them, that is.

One question though: if the Steelers lose to the Ravens again, do we fly the flag at half-mast?

The Mysterious Disappearance Of Steeler Pride

 Posted by at 11:28 am  Blog News, Steeler Nation  Comments Off on The Mysterious Disappearance Of Steeler Pride
Jun 062012

No, I’m not referring to this blog and my sad posting schedule as of late. I apologize for the irregular updates but it’s summer here in the ‘Burgh so between various outdoor activities and taking advantage of the Pittsburgh Pirates season tickets my family shares (before their inevitable collapse in mid-August), I haven’t found much time for blogging. Not that there’s much NFL news to write about anyway. This is the part of the off-season where unless your team has some serious run-ins with Johnny Law, there simply isn’t much of note going on.

I’ve seen where other Steelers blogs have gotten a week’s worth of posts out of Kordell Stewart‘s retirement. Think about that for a second. I love Slash but the entire sum of his Steeler career was two great seasons and two good ones. If going through that with a fine-tooth comb doesn’t reek of desperation, I don’t know what does.

Another story getting a lot of play on the Black and Gold blogosphere is the mysterious case of the Steelers banner thieves. For those who have no heard, a member of Steeler Nation residing in Washington, DC wrote to a local blog detailing the repeated disappearance of Steeler banners she hangs outside her house. This story would be funny enough had it ended there but she also included surveillance camera footage of hoodlums pilfering her banners. That’s what launched this story from funny tidbit to an internet sensation.

I don’t know how many of my readers are from our nation’s capital but I have an aunt who’s lived there for several decades now. One thing you need to know about Washington, DC is it’s filled with perverts and crooks. Besides politicians, they also have a lot crime. My aunt has had more than her share of run-ins with purse snatchers and limp-dicked men in raincoats.

In addition to being home to more thugs and criminals than the Cincinnati Bengals, DC is also football mad. You wouldn’t know it from the way Steeler Nation famously took over FedEx Field a few years back but trust me, they are. Any slight improvement, any brief glimmer of competence from their beloved Redskins and the town goes into a full-on frenzy. So when you add a penchant for thievery to rampant homerism, it’s not surprising that poor Libby Kavoulakis (is that a Yinzer name or what?) fell victim to her Steeler Pride.

The best part of the story for me was that the thief actually called Libby and tried to arrange a meeting. I’ve heard of people kidnapping pets and a particularly vengeful ex of mine once tried to extort me over my prize comic collection but holding Steeler banners hostage is definitely a first. Even more incredibly, Libby went to a Whole Foods (of course) to try and negotiate her banners safe return. If we nominated people for Steeler Nation Fan of the Year, this lady would definitely be an early favorite.


Kordell Stewart: Steeler For Life (?)

 Posted by at 4:28 am  Steel Dynasty, Steeler Nation  Comments Off on Kordell Stewart: Steeler For Life (?)
May 312012

Kordell Stewart retired yesterday as a member of the Pittsburgh Steelers. I’m sure many of you are thinking, “Wait, what? I thought he retired a long time ago in order to take a job as back-up dancer at It’s Raining Men.” Actually, the artist formerly known as Slash has been a B-team (actually more like D-team) NFL analyst over at ESPN since 2008. Considering barely literate jackasses like Keyshawn Johnson are given prominent air time at the four letter, that should tell you how highly they value Kordell’s broadcasting skills. Which is too bad because the few times I watched their nigh unwatchable First Take program (mainly to catch of glimpse of foxy Dana Jacobson), I thought Stewart offered some decent insights.

Then again, I’m an unapologetic Slash fanboy. I’ve always found the level of vitriol directed at him by Steeler Nation to be absolutely ridiculous. Leaving aside the rednecks who hated him because he was black and the bigots who couldn’t stand that he was gay, the vast majority of Steeler fans disliked him simply because he committed the mortal sin of never winning a Super Bowl. I never understood that being some magical bar Yinzers hold up as the only worthwhile proof of football skill.

Unfortunately, I hear this line of thinking from Steeler Nation all too often and it drives me crazy. It’s the same reason you can’t have a rational discussion about coaches because all too often you’ll hear some nonsense like, “Mike Tomlin won two Super Bowls. Bill Cowher won one. Therefore Tomlin is the greatest coach since Paul Brown!” That’s like saying Kim Kardashian must be way more beautiful and talented than Mila Kunis because more people watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians than watched That 70s Show. The reason fans clamor for Cowher to come rescue their team at the end of every season is because Cowher’s level of success is unparallelled in modern football. The only other coach who comes close is Bill Parcells. Tomlin? Well, he did a good job of not killing the golden goose he was handed but we have yet to see if he can win consistently with teams of his own.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand focusing on the Super Bowl. When all is said and done, hoisting the Lombardi should be the ultimate barometer of your season. However, football being a team game, I don’t see that as the sole measure of a player’s worth. After all, if you only allowed Super Bowl winning quarterbacks into the Hall of Fame, there’d only be about 30 of them in Canton. I don’t think anybody is going to argue the greatness of guys like Warren Moon (who also fell victim to being an African American QB), Jim Kelly, or Pittsburgh’s own Dan Marino, even if they never won the big one.

Kordell Stewart made Pro Bowls. Kordell Stewart took the Steelers to playoffs. Kordell Stewart appeared in multiple AFC Championship games. In 30 other NFL cities, those accomplishments would make him a beloved figure by the loyal fanbase. In Pittsburgh, all it’s earned him are shrugs and withering comments.

For two seasons, Slash was the most fearsome offensive weapon in football. Fantasy footballers go nuts over Michael Vick or Cam Newton but look at some of the stats Stewart put up during his time in Pittsburgh. In 1997 alone he accounted for 32 touchdowns (21 passing, 11 rushing). THIRTY-TWO TOUCHDOWNS. He also passed for 3,000 yards in an era not quite as wide open as it was today and throwing to some truly horrible wide receivers. Andre Hastings? Charles Johnson? Big Ben wouldn’t throw for 2,500 yards let alone 4,000 if he had those guys as his targets. When Slash had Plax and Hines in 2001, he went back to being a 3,000 yard passer. Besides, anybody that watched Kordell during the late 90s remembers how terrified defenses were of him. He could throw the ball 45 yards or tuck it down and outrun the entire defense all by himself. He was undoubtedly the best hybrid pass-throw QB ever even though he never gets the credit that overrated dog rapist in Philly seems to get.

Anyway, I’m glad Stewart got to retire a Steeler. It’s a silly custom, signing a one day contract so you can file your official retirement papers as a member of a certain team, but I applaud the Steelers for going along with it. By doing so, they’re at least acknowledging what a great player he was for them and the vital role he played in some really memorable seasons. Hopefully, some day Steeler fans will also give the third best QB in Black and Gold history the credit he deserves.

Dec 012011

Chris here. When Hennessy told me he was returning to the ‘Burgh for the holiday, I thought it’d make a great idea for a post. Also, with this piece, I’m formally instituting Steeler Nation Sound-Off a permanent feature going forward. So you Hennessy fans will be able to enjoy his musings on a regular basis. And best of all, you get a break from me! Take it away, Hennessy…

I hope everyone had a great Turkey Day. I was fortunate enough to make the travel back to Pittsburgh, and unfortunate to have done it during an away game. I froze my ass off at many late season Pittsburgh Steelers games and it would have been nice to go to one during our Thanksgiving heat-wave. Not that I mind prying frozen Ahrn City’s from my frostbitten hands, it would just be nice to make a trip home one time when it wasn’t a bye week or away game.

I didn’t get the chance to make it to Heinz Field, but then again not many members of Steeler Nation ever get to grace the bleachers to cheer on our boys. It is an experience unlike any other, and if you’ve been there I’m sure you will agree. For those that haven’t, put it on your bucket list. You won’t regret it.

The whole trip home this time made me realize just how different the ‘Burgh really is. I’ve been in Nashville for six years now, so maybe the little things that make that team and that city stick for generations are just setting in. Anyway, here are a few things being back in town brought to light.
Continue reading »

Sound Off, Steeler Nation

 Posted by at 4:18 pm  Blog News  Comments Off on Sound Off, Steeler Nation
Oct 252011

I’ve been trying to think of new weekly features to add to TotalSteelers for awhile now. While I enjoy the “Write whatever the hell comes to mind” nature of this blog, features provide a certain familiarity and consistency readers enjoy. Know Thy Enemy has always been a crowd pleaser, so much so those uncreative hacks who took over my old blog can’t be bothered to think of a new name for their unreadable game previews.

After seeing Steeler Nation completely take over Glendale this past weekend, I was inspired. I would like to extend the same opportunity to take over this blog. Well, I’m too much of a control freak to cede total control but I would like to allow one of you dear readers a chance to speak your mind. Since many most all of you seem loathe to take advantage of my fabulous comment feature, I offer this proposal. A weekly feature whereby a member of Steeler Nation is free to Sound Off on any topic of their choosing.

If you’d be interested in being TotalSteelers first ever Guest Blogger, shoot me an email over at

Week 7 Recap: Streaks of Yellow

 Posted by at 7:01 am  Antonio Brown, Big Ben, LaMarr Woodley, Mike Wallace, Recaps  Comments Off on Week 7 Recap: Streaks of Yellow
Oct 242011

The [intlink id=”21″ type=”category”]Pittsburgh Steelers[/intlink] defeated a game but over-matched Arizona Cardinals 32-20. It was allegedly a home game for the Cards but whenever CBS cut to a crowd shot, all you saw was a sea of Black and Gold. A bunch of Cardinal fans had pathetic little flags which I assume the locals handed out to counteract the Terrible Towel although it was to no avail. I’m used to Steeler Nation taking over opposing stadiums, to the point I hardly ever mention it in my recaps, but yesterday may have been the largest hostile takeover since Gordon Gekko tried to take over Bluestar Airlines.

The game started off tremendously for the Steelers. Lawrence Timmons batted a Kevin Kolb pass that was intercepted by [intlink id=”60″ type=”category”]Ryan Clark[/intlink]’s mouth. If only we could stuff it with a football. That’s our second interception of the season, by the way. [intlink id=”57″ type=”category”]Troy Polamalu[/intlink] just missed our third on the Cardinal’s next possession when he dropped a ball that hit him between the 4 and the 3. [intlink id=”14″ type=”category”]Ben Roethlisberger[/intlink] capped the drive by hitting Heath Miller for a 12 yard score and when Arizona went three and out on their next drive it seemed the route was on.

Big Ben marched the team into Arizona territory before [intlink id=”85″ type=”category”]Chris Kemoeatu[/intlink] lumbered ten yards down the field like a charging rhinoceros and decided to spear somebody about ten seconds after the play had ended. The personal foul ruined the drive and the Steelers were forced to punt. The Cardinals still couldn’t get anything going and the teams exchanged punts until Ben finally said “Screw it. Go deep!” and hit a streak of yellow aka [intlink id=”82″ type=”category”]Mike Wallace[/intlink] for a 95 yard touchdown bomb.

Then everything fell apart.
Continue reading »

Mama Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboy Fans

 Posted by at 6:12 am  Hot Steeler Chicks, Steeler Nation  Comments Off on Mama Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboy Fans
Oct 212011

Seriously, consider the child’s mental well-being. If your little Dallas Cowboys fan was born in 1996, he’d have witnessed only one playoff victory his entire life. That’s just cruel.

I’m a fan of the [intlink id=”163″ type=”category”]Pittsburgh Steelers[/intlink]. A pretty rabid fan as friends, co-workers and family members will tell you with a heavy sigh. As a matter of fact, one of the reasons I was let go from the Site That Shall Not Be Named was they felt I was frequently too passionate in writing about my team. No wonder they replaced me with a bunch of dull carpetbaggers.

Anyway, while they may have disliked me, they would’ve hated this woman.
Continue reading »

I’m Back (And So Is Football)

 Posted by at 6:52 pm  Blog News  Comments Off on I’m Back (And So Is Football)
Jul 282011

Only difference is I didn’t spend my summer staring at Jerry Jones‘ grotesque botox-enhanced face.

I know you’re ready for some football but as this is the first post in Total Steelers history, please indulge me for a moment.  My name is Chris.   I’m a Steeler fan.  And I used to write for a blog by the name of Nice Pick Cowher.

Continue reading »