Aug 092013
 

 

I Wouldn't Mind Searching Her Bag, Amirite?

No NFL franchise has a stronger fan base than the Pittsburgh Steelers. And no NFL franchise does better with the ladies than do the Pittsburgh Steelers. So for the two or three female members of Steeler Nation who read this blog, consider this post a public service announcement. When the preseason kicks off at Heinz Field on Saturday night or when the season proper begins at home on September 8th, the Steelers and NFL have a message for you: “Leave your crap at home!”

In accordance with new rules the NFL has cleverly dubbed their “Enhanced Safety Policy,” female fans (and male fans who enjoy body scrubs and show tunes) are prohibited from toting their big ass purses in to the stadium. This policy, which I would love if I could actually score regular season tickets, is actually designed to enhance the game going experience for us male fans who are sick of waiting in line while security has to check the small suitcase many women laughingly call their “purse.” It’s a football game, ladies, not a weekend trip to Seven Springs.

For those who wear extremely tight jeans (God bless you) and/or simply cannot live without a compact and tube of strawberry lip gloss (it’s like crack, I tell ya), the NFL has generously made an allowance they call the All Clear initiative. You can still bring a purse like satchel into the stadium, provided it’s less than 12″ x 6″ x 12″ and made of clear vinyl or plastic. Why, look, the NFL happens to even sell such bags on their official website! How convenient and not the least bit opportunistic!

If you’re not clear (pardon the pun) on what bags will and will not be tolerated, the Steelers website has a handy dandy chart for your reference. Naturally, this new policy was met with howls of protest from some female fans, most likely the ones who buy pink Troy Polamalu jerseys. Speaking of Troy, his jersey (both pink and authentic) is the only Steeler among the league’s top 25 sellers. By contrast, there are currently four Ravens on the list. Guess the thugs and street gangs have a new favorite team.

Back to the bag policy, for the real fans, the ones who actually go to watch the games, rest easy because the important items – Terrible Towels and, for those December afternoon games, Terrible Blankets – are still permitted. And, truly, what else does a member of Steeler Nation need?

 

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