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Know Thy Enemy: Denver Broncos

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Video courtesy of Benstonium

Welcome to the this year’s first installment of Know Thy Enemy. You may notice another Know Thy Enemy running on another Pittsburgh Steelers site, a site I started and a feature I began writing five years ago. Obviously those uncreative hacks can’t think up their own material so they’ve decided to coast along with my leftovers. Accept no cheap substitutes!

For the newbies, Know Thy Enemy is my weekly catch-all post where I preview the Steelers’ upcoming game. I analyze the team’s opponent, look at how they match up, and also give a final run down of key injuries for either side. So without further ado, let’s get to it!

The Denver Broncos handed the Steelers what was undoubtedly one of their most embarrassing playoff losses ever last season. Even defensive mastermind Dick LeBeau is still shaking his head over how last season ended. Ordinarily when a team engineers a magical playoff run which culminates in a franchise’s biggest win in nearly a decade, they spend the off-season building upon what got them there. John Elway, VP and de facto GM of Denver, went the other way. He tore it all down and decided to start over.

STEELERS DEFENSE vs BRONCOS OFFENSE

Of course Elway’s biggest move was jettisoning the man responsible for all his team’s magic, Tim Tebow. They were comfortable giving up on the Messiah because they were able to acquire a Football God. Peyton Manning, fresh off a season lost to serious neck surgery, was cut loose by the rebuilding Colts. Elway pounced and thus ended the Tebow Era in Denver.

The history of superstar QBs leaving their original team at the twilight of their career isn’t pretty. Joe Namath stumbled through a forgettable season with the Rams and Johnny U finished up with an unmemorable run with the Chargers. Joe Montana had slightly better results with the Chiefs (including a memorable overtime playoff win against Bill Cowher‘s Steelers, thanks to some inept punting from Mark Royals). Much like riding the Thunderbolt at Kennywood or making love to a woman, the second time is never as good as the first. Preseason reports were Manning looked every bit the Manning of old but experiencing the same level of success as he had with the Colts, where he won 12+ games in eight of his thirteen years, would definitely be a case of defying history.
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Know Thy Enemy: Denver Broncos

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Much digital ink has been spilled this week previewing the Wild Card match-up between the Denver Broncos and the Pittsburgh Steelers. Most of the attention has centered around the two quarterbacks who’ll face off on Sunday. Will Ben Roethlisberger‘s messed up ankle be feeling better by game time? And how is Tim Tebow going to fare in his first career playoff game?

Before we worry about all that, let’s look at the big picture. The bookies have the Steelers listed as an eight point favorite and most media types are penciling this in as a victory for the Black and Gold. Even members of Steeler Nation, a notoriously pessimistic bunch, seem confident of a happy outcome. And it’s understandable, what with Denver losing three straight to end the season and backdooring into the post-season.

Not to throw a wet blanket Terrible Towel on all the optimism but keep this in mind. Since 2000, five teams with records of .500 or worse have made the playoffs. Four of the five won at least one playoff game. Most recently was last year’s Seattle Seahawks, who became the first team in NFL history to win a division with a losing record (7-9). I think we all remember Marshawn Lynch going all BEAST MODE on the 11-5 New Orleans Saints to seal their Wild Card victory.

On any given Sunday…
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Know Thy Enemy: Cleveland Browns

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 In Order To See Awesome Video, The Jagoffs Make You Like Their Facebook Page

Ah, the beauty of the NFL. For all the criticism I level at the game, there’s nothing like the mad playoff scramble which occurs each and every season. As we approach the final week of the 2011 season, the AFC Playoff scenarios have been repeated ad nauseam. The Cincinnati Bengals host the Baltimore Ravens with a playoff spot on the line. If Cincy wins, they’re in.

Then the fun starts. An first round bye? Check. The top seed in the AFC if the Patriots, who will probably pull Tom Terrific rather quickly since he’s nursing a separated non-throwing shoulder, lose to the Bills?  Check.

Of course, the party ends rather quickly if the Pittsburgh Steelers don’t first take care of their business against the Cleveland Browns. The Browns stink. Nothing really more needs be said. But, as Hennessy astutely pointed out yesterday, they seemingly live to be a thorn in the Steelers’ side. Against 30 other teams, they are who we thought they are. Against the Black and Gold, they’re the second coming of the ’86 Bears.

So it’s understandable Mike Tomlin wants all hands on deck this Sunday. Giving credit where credit is due, the Browns don’t lie down for anybody. Unlike the gutless Colts, who decided to wait until week 15 to actually show up, or the hapless St. Louis Rams, who packed it in after missing a chip shot field goal last week, the Browns have been playing hard every week. That doesn’t mean they’re any better than those two teams, it just means you can’t score a touchdown on your opening drive and then assume they’ll wave a white flag.
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Know Thy Enemy: St. Louis Rams

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If those guys came to my front door Christmas caroling, I’m not sure if I’d offer them egg nog or hand over my watch. What the hell? Anyway, the Pittsburgh Steelers released their annual video of players singing Christmas Carols and, as usual, they are absolutely must-see. There are four separate clips, each introduced by Mike Tomlin looking the most uncool he’s ever looked in his life. Each position grouping is charged with singing a different holiday classic and I guess the linebackers pictured above decided “Frosty The Snowman” needed more street cred. From left to right, the Gangsta Choir is composed of Chris Carter, James Harrison, Lawrence Timmons, James Farrior, Stevenson Sylvester, Morty Ivy and Larry Foote.

The best part is linebackers coach (and defensive coordinator in waiting) Keith Butler standing in the back looking like a festive Paul Ellering. If you get that reference, plus thirty cool points for you.

Before I get to Knowing this week’s opponent, the St. Louis Rams, a bit of blog housekeeping to clear up. For those out of the loop, the Ginger Dictator Grinch‘s heart must’ve grown three sizes one day because he has decreed this weekend’s games will be played on Saturday so the players can have Christmas off. As I’m off to sunny Tampa to spend the holidays with my folks as soon as I press “Post,” I won’t have the game recap up until Monday. I’m sure most of you have better things to do on Sunday than check in here, anyway. If you’re really desperate to hear my groan-worthy one-liners, you can always follow me on Twitter as I usually tweet during games. I will try to keep the blog up to date with pertinent news next week but my posting schedule may be a bit spotty so please bear with me.
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Know Thy Enemy: San Francisco 49ers

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The NFL is weird. When schedules are announced over the summer, every fan looks at their team’s slate and begins to mentally check off wins and losses. Of course, it NEVER plays out as we expect. The baseball season lasts like six months, the hockey and basketball seasons last nearly as long. Football season is the shortest of the four major sports but so many twists and turns occur over sixteen games that it feels a lot longer.

When the Pittsburgh Steelers were scheduled to face the San Francisco 49ers on Monday Night Football back in August, I’m sure most members of Steeler Nation had that penciled in as an easy W. The Niners were a miserable 6-10 last year and starting a new regime under college coaching wunderkind Jim Harbaugh. The lockout prevented them from bringing in a new quarterback so they were stuck with former first overall pick Alex Smith, who looked like an epic bust. Even if the trip out to the West Coast has historically been tough, this was still a game the Steelers should win.

Fast forward four months later. The Niners are one of the surprise teams of the year, having already clinched their first NFC West title in over a decade. Harbaugh is probably going to be coach of the year. Meanwhile, the Steelers are facing them at the worst possible time. Their superstar quarterback just suffered a horrific ankle injury while their superstar linebacker is suspended for one game. Mix in the fact both teams are in a playoff scramble for seeding position and you have a recipe for disaster.
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Know Thy Enemy: Cleveland Browns

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What? Know Thy Enemy on a Wednesday? This can mean only one thing: Thursday Night Football! And if you thought ESPN picked a lousy slate of games, man, you ain’t got nothin’ on the NFL Network.

It seems like every year, the AFC North is a three horse race. The Pittsburgh Steelers and Baltimore Ravens are the two thoroughbreds in the hunt pretty much every season. The third horseman alternates between the Bengals and the Cleveland Browns. When one is up, the other is usually down.

During the 2009 Super Bowl Hangover year, Cincinnati took advantage of the opening by winning the division before flaming out spectacularly in their lone playoff game. Last year, the Bungles were a mess, hijacked by the clown show being put on by Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco. It was the Browns turn to look like a legitimate NFL franchise. Even though they didn’t win many games (5), rookie quarterback Colt McCoy led the team during a surprisingly competitive stretch which had people believing in a bright future for Cleveland.

Oh, those silly silly people…

The Browns are back in their customary position of irritating little bugs while the Steelers are the windshield headed right toward them tomorrow night.
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Know Thy Enemy: Cincinnati Bengals

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It kinda freaks me out when cheerleaders are photographed swinging their hair like that. Is the Medusa look supposed to be hot or something?

Anyway, if it seems like the Pittsburgh Steelers just played the Cincinnati Bengals, they did. A little less than three weeks ago, actually. Since we left up-and-coming Cincy, they’ve gone 1-1 with a key loss to the Baltimore Ravens (thanks for nuthin’, Bungles) and a frenzied last second victory against the hapless Cleveland Browns. If the playoffs were to begin today, the 7-4 Bengals would still hold the second AFC Wild Card slot by virtue of having one more win than several other teams.

When these teams met a few weeks back, the Steelers got out to a quick lead, then (as seems to be a disturbing pattern with them) the offense went into a coma leaving the defense to make a couple big plays which snuffed out the Bengals’ rally. In my first Know Thy Enemy, I mentioned rookie QB Andy Dalton was unflappable and he continues to prove it week after week. He didn’t get rattled against the Steelers and he didn’t get rattled when the Ratbirds got ahead early and he didn’t get rattled last week when the Browns built leads of 17-7 and 20-10. He calmly led his team on three late scoring drives, eventually setting up Mike Nugent for the game winner with thirty seconds left.

No wonder Ben Roethlisberger among others (like me!) are jumping aboard the Red Rifle For Rookie of the Year train.
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Know Thy Enemy: Kansas City Chiefs

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Once again, apologies for my tardiness in getting this posted. As this sunny Florida weather will likely be the last 70+ degree days I’ll see before heading back to the ‘Burgh, I have been taking full advantage of my last minute trip south. I promise I’ll get things back on track starting Monday.

Fear not, dear readers, I will be home in time for tomorrow’s game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and Kansas City Chiefs. As will most of you since the game will be on Sunday Night Football. So you can count on getting your fill of my insightful analysis and corny jokes come Monday. Speaking of which, cue Faith Hill in hooker boots!

I’ll be honest,  I’m not all that jazzed up about this game. When NBC put it on their schedule, I’m sure it looked like a potentially interesting match-up. Unfortunately, the Chiefs have been ravished by injury and currently sit at 4-6. While that puts them only two games out of first in the stunningly mediocre AFC West, they aren’t exactly a viable playoff contender at this point. This was made all the more apparent last Monday when the Patriots clobbered them 34-3 to extend their current losing streak to three.
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Know Thy Enemy: Cincinnati Bengals

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This weekend, the Pittsburgh Steelers face the Cincinnati Bengals in a crucial AFC match-up. Unfortunately, most of you who live out-of-state will have to fire up the satellite dish or visit your favorite Steeler bar in order to watch since it’s neither a national nor prime time game. In fact, all Bengal games start at one o’clock because they have to be indoors before curfew as a condition of parole.

Anyway, when last we left Cincy, franchise quarterback Carson Palmer was saying he’d rather retire than strap on their orange jumpsuit ever again. Hardheaded GM/Owner Mike Brown eventually traded him to the desperate Oakland Raiders which for Palmer must have been like being handed a Get Out Of Jail Free card. The haul in return was impressive, a first rounder and a second that becomes a first if the Raiduhs win a playoff game, which I’m sure Cincy will use to augment their team with the best available criminals in next year’s draft.
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Know Thy Enemy: Baltimore Ravens

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If I was from Baltimore, I’d hide my face, too. Who’d honestly enjoy cheering for a team named after a depressed alcoholic?

It’s hard to believe only two months have passed since the Baltimore Ravens and the Pittsburgh Steelers first met. When last we left the Ratbirds, they were riding high after handing the Black and Gold one of the most embarrassing losses in Steeler history. Through the first month of the season, Baltimore was 3-1 with dominating wins over both participants in last year’s AFC Championship game. Meanwhile, the Steelers were 2-2 and generally playing unimpressive uninspired football.

How quickly things change over the course of an NFL season.

In the past month, the Steelers have gone undefeated. Even more to the point, they’ve played their two best games of the year the past two weeks. Meanwhile, the Ravens went into their bye week anointed by many the odds on favorite to represent the AFC in the Super Bowl. And it almost seems like the down time disrupted whatever mojo they had working for them. Following a win over Houston, they put on one of the worst performances you’ll ever see in losing to the hapless Jacksonville Jaguars. Last week, miscues in all three phases let Arizona get out to a commanding 21 point lead before the shoddy Cardinals defense allowed the Ratbirds to mount a furious comeback.
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