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Steelers Sign Psychotic Punter

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For those of you who watched the Cincinnati Bengal‘s glorious playoff debacle, you may have noticed a familiar face wearing the prison stripes. No, not James Harrison, who made sure to get in one last personal foul cheap shot for old time’s sake. I’m talking about punter Zoltan Mesko, who was signed to replace Terence Garvin victim Kevin Huber. Mesko, you may or may not remember, was the ex-Patriots punter who revealed he couldn’t kick his way out of a wet paper bag once he joined the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Mesko’s replacement was an Australian journeyman named Mat McBriar. McBriar wasn’t much of an improvement over Mesko although he sure threw a sweet pass on a fake punt against the Packers. His actual punting ranged from mediocre to terrible, though, so it’s no surprise the Steelers are already looking elsewhere for his replacement. As long as they don’t draft a punter. I don’t think my blood pressure could take it if they wasted another pick on a glorified soccer player.Read More »Steelers Sign Psychotic Punter

Terence Garvin Fined $25,000 For Annihilating Punter

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When I was a kid, I wrote letters to Santa. Times really have changed. What that young Bengals fan doesn’t realize – besides the fact he’s in for a lifetime of disappointment – is that success is the best revenge.

Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker Terence Garvin was slapped with a $25,000 fine for destroying Cincinnati Bengals punter Kevin Huber last Sunday night. C’mon, you didn’t really think Roger Goodell was going to let a Steeler get away with laying somebody out on national TV, did you? With a defense full of pansies and lousy tacklers, the Ginger Dictator has had precious few opportunities to indulge his favorite hobby of fining Steelers for playing football this season. His catered lunch slush fund must be dwindling dangerously low.Read More »Terence Garvin Fined $25,000 For Annihilating Punter

Steelers Mess With The Zoltan

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Zoltan Mesko, we hardly knew ya.

Hours after head coach Mike Tomlin‘s press conference, the Pittsburgh Steelers announced they cut their erstwhile punter in favor of somebody named Mat McBriar. I wish I could write a long detailed summary of McBriar but I’ve honestly never heard of him. He spells his name with only one T, though, which saves me a keystroke so he’s already on my good side. All I gleaned from the short article on the P-G is he’s Australian, which probably means he played rugby and isn’t afraid to make a tackle.Read More »Steelers Mess With The Zoltan

Week Eight Recap: Worst. Game. Ever.

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Well, that sucked…

The Pittsburgh Steelers promptly took any optimism gleaned from their modest two game winning streak rolled it into a tiny little ball and tossed it in the trash with a 21-18 loss to the Oakland Raiders. Yesterday’s sloppy mistake-filled game set football back twenty years. There were nine penalties, five turnovers, two missed field goals, numerous dropped passes, and a blocked punt. Oh and let’s not forget four different left guards.Read More »Week Eight Recap: Worst. Game. Ever.

Mike Tomlin Press Conference: *Mic Drop*

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Welcome to our weekly recap of Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin‘s press conference. Before we begin, something of a minor controversy occurred this week at this normally jovial affair.

As always, the Steelers official website uploaded video of the presser which you can watch by clicking here. If you choose to watch the whole thing instead of reading my much more easily digestible recap, you may notice the video ends rather abruptly. That’s not poor editing by the Steelers geek squad, evidently instead of the normal routine of issuing a last call for questions and thanking the media for their time, Tomlin decided to pull a mic drop.

As you’ll see in my recap, Coach T was perturbed by reporters this week. Which makes me wonder how he’d fare in a city like New York where the media actually question their head coach and aren’t a bunch of pom-pom waving cheerleaders.Read More »Mike Tomlin Press Conference: *Mic Drop*

Week 7 Recap: Baby Steps

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I’m not sure we can say the Pittsburgh Steelers are all the way back. But they’re  getting there. Yesterday afternoon, the Steelers took a giant step toward digging out of the 0-4 hole that began their season by pulling off a last second victory over the Baltimore Ravens 19-16.

Last week, the Steelers finally broke out of the turnover slump by picking off Geno Smith twice. This week, they finally found a running game. Rookie Le’Veon Bell just missed his first career 100 yard game (93 yards) as five guys combined to pile up 141 yards of rushing offense. Bell averaged 4.9 yards a rush which was particularly impressive when you consider his longest gainer was only 11 yards.

Speaking of impressive, the running game got on track despite the offensive line suffering yet another setback. Marcus Gilbert was injured early on leading to Guy Whimper taking his place at right tackle. Whimper had been used exclusively at guard since coming here but is a tackle by trade so that’s not a huge shock – that they’d rather insert Whimper into a game than Mike Adams is. Adams did see some action when LT Kelvin Beachum was briefly shaken up but it appears he’s buried deep inside Mike Tomlin‘s non-existent doghouse.Read More »Week 7 Recap: Baby Steps

Week 6 Recap: Our Long (Steeler) National Nightmare Is Over

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Some people think the Pittsburgh Steelers 0-4 start was the product of a poorly constructed roster, some lousy coaching, and injuries to key personnel. They would be wrong. The Steelers simply decided to postpone winning until after the Pirates season was over. They were polite enough to give them spotlight.

Good manners are the Steeler Way.

With the Bucs done for the year, the Black and Gold wasted no time getting off the schneid by defeating the New York Jets 19-6. The highlight of this game was Bill Cowher, the greatest coach in Steeler history, in the booth calling the game with the normally unlistenable duo of Nantz and Simms. Not only did CBS make sure to work in a plug for Cowher’s mid-life crisis, er, leather-clad rocker babe, the Chin’s near orgasmic joy with every field goal attempt made an otherwise dull game seem exciting. Read More »Week 6 Recap: Our Long (Steeler) National Nightmare Is Over

Know Thy Enemy: Cincinnati Bengals

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Heeeeee’s Baaaacckkk…

Tonight marks the first meeting of the season between the Pittsburgh Steelers and Cincinnati Bengals. Tonight also marks the first time ex-Steeler James Harrison will face his former team. If you watched any of HBO’s Hard Knocks series, you know Harrison is an angry man. And one has to think a portion of that anger is directed towards the Black and Gold.

Whether it was time for Deebo to move on or not, Harrison played his entire career with a chip on his shoulder. It fueled him to become a multi-time Pro Bowler despite being an undersized linebacker undrafted out of Kent State. It has also fueled his penchant for being a vicious headhunting sociopath. After years spent defending Harrison’s repeated attempts to cripple and maim opponents, tonight we’ll get a chance to see how it feels when we are that opponent.Read More »Know Thy Enemy: Cincinnati Bengals

Tomlin Press Conference: Candy And Nuts

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NFL: FEB 01 Super Bowl XLIII - Cardinals v Steelers

There’s an old saying: If ifs and buts were candy and nuts every day would be Christmas.

Clearly this is one glib sentiment Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin is not familiar with.

Yesterday was the first weekly lie-fest aka Mike Tomlin press conference. For those new to my blog, allow me to break it down for you. It’s the one day a week Tomlin must go before the local cheerleaders media and answer their questions with cliches, double-speak, and outright lies. The media then takes these asinine answers and reports on them as if they honestly believe the line of BS they’re being fed. Perhaps they do.Read More »Tomlin Press Conference: Candy And Nuts

Suisham Hurt, Shayne Graham New Kicker

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NFL: NOV 21 Raiders at Steelers

In my recap of the Pittsburgh Steelers embarrassing defeat by the Titans, I made a joke about punter Zoltan Mesko being sore. Turns out, I inadvertently spoke some truth. No, he’s not hurt. And, no, he didn’t punt more times in a single game than he did all season. He did punt more times in a single game than he ever has in his career, though.

Considering the state of the Steelers offense, that mark may be in jeopardy next week.

While Zoltan is fine and dandy, his fellow non-football player is not. Lost in the team’s disastrous performance was news that kicker StoneCold Shaun Suisham sprained his hamstring and is expected to be out about a month. And you wonder why I make fun of kickers. Dude made three kicks, THREE KICKS, and got hurt?Read More »Suisham Hurt, Shayne Graham New Kicker