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Steelers Vets Tell Youngsters: No Ping Pong For You!

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To paraphrase Niemöller’s famous quote:

First the Steelers came for the pool table,
and I didn’t speak out because I didn’t play pool.

Then the Steelers came for the shuffleboard,
and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t seventy years old.

Then the Steelers came for the ping-pong paddles,
and I didn’t speak out because I didn’t play ping-pong.

Then the Steelers came for me,
and there were no games left to play.Read More »Steelers Vets Tell Youngsters: No Ping Pong For You!

2012 NFL Combine: A Whole Bunch of Nuthin’

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Exciting NFL Combine Action

By Hennessy

Our job at TotalSteelers is to keep you, dear readers, entertained and informed on all things Pittsburgh Steelers.  Just like cliff notes in high school, our black and gold cover cuts through all the pointless information and distills things down to the essentials. It is for these reasons and these reasons alone that I will bring you up to speed on the action packed meat market that took place this past weekend.

Nothing. Nothing happened. As seen above, hoards of people gathered to witness the excitement and, next to a Colts home game, it was the least entertaining thing to happen all year inside Lucas Oil Stadium. What can you expect from a 250 man group physical exam?

“The combine gives us scouts an insight into the athleticism and physical commitment of the athletes!” said one pro-scout. “I get to look all official and stuff whilst observing athletic measurement at its finest!” said another.

In good faith, I will act like these good scouts and give you a quick breakdown of our 2012 draft, as told by the useless stats and performance metrics brought about by this charade. The NFL network was desperate enough to send out a camera crew for 24 HOUR COVERAGE, so I will humor them by telling you two things showcased by their efforts.
Read More »2012 NFL Combine: A Whole Bunch of Nuthin’

Sound-Off: Where Your Skills, NFL?

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By Hennessy

My apologies for dropping off the Total Steelers map the past couple weeks. If you must know, I let my confidence seep in to my gambling and have been in a perpetual “Tebow” since the close of the beat down in Denver. It turns out typing is not so easy when praising thy lord via fist on forehead. Let’s just say Mayor Ravenstahl’s PR photo-op was nothing on my two week long homage to Father Tim.

Now that I have stood back up and iced down my aching knees, I am being a good American and preparing for the biggest game in all of professional football. The final showdown between those two teams who have survived the gauntlet of late season football. The game that everyone eagerly anticipates whether our Black and Gold are there to represent the AFC or not.

It’s time for the PRO BOWL BABY!!!!

Setting my overly exaggerated humor aside, when is this game going to catch up with the times? MLB made their All-Star game important by awarding home-field advantage in the World Series to the winner. The NHL added a roster draft so we can laugh at the last man picked like the fat kid in gym class. Oh, and they both have skill competitions which are usually way more exciting than the ACTUAL GAMES!!!
Read More »Sound-Off: Where Your Skills, NFL?

Sound-Off: Taking The High Road

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By Hennessy

The “Mile High” road to be exact.

Three days from now that is exactly where our boys in Black and Gold will be, and I guess I’m saying I like our chances compared to the alternative(s) that could have been bestowed upon us. Unlike Chris, I have a certain degree of disdain for Tebow his Highness, mainly rooted in my utter disdain for the “Media Tidal Waves” that like to make something out of nothing. Tim Tebow took the field behind perennially incompetent Kyle Orton. I mean, they had superfans buying damn billboards asking for Tebowmania to begin.  Anyone who didn’t expect some degree of improvement would be likened to a fool, and that’s exactly what it was, a degree of improvement.

WHAT A STREAK OF DIVINITY FATHER TIM!!! You beat seven teams that are watching the post-season from their local watering hole this year!!!

Tim Tebow is an average NFL quarterback. I am not jumping on the bandwagon of his unconventional style, as I don’t think it differs much from the last “Unconventional Wave” of Miami chewing on the the wildcat formation (Where did that get them?). Denver has a running threat behind center that has yet to prove he can throw the ball consistently. The only thing that he has proven is he is a better option than Kyle Orton. Hell, I would take my chances with Byron “One-Game” Leftwich before Orton.
Read More »Sound-Off: Taking The High Road

Sound-Off: To Ben, Or Not To Ben?

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By Hennessy

Here we go again…

We are coming up on our annual trip to Rust City and the finale to the 2011 regular season.  A few weeks back, the Pittsburgh Steelers clinched at least a Wild Card spot when my local team, the Tennessee Titans, got an early start on their charity and goodwill in Indianapolis. Before taking the field that weekend, Pittsburgh ended up in the playoffs as no worse than the sixth seed in the AFC.

Cleveland, meanwhile, lost any chance at the playoffs when they put on orange helmets and called themselves the Browns back in 2002. As I mentioned in an earlier post, Cleveland’s primary goal every year seems to be to try and ruin our season. The last time they did so was in 2009 when they crushed our playoff hopes with a week 14 win at home. We made amends last year in week 17 but, dammit, why do they keep getting chances at the end of the season?
Read More »Sound-Off: To Ben, Or Not To Ben?

Sound-Off: Twas The Monday Night Before Christmas…

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(Editor's Note: Not Hennessy. That really is Santa, tho.)

By Hennessy

Christmas will soon be here! The time of year for cheer, happiness, good will towards men…

The time of year when you swim through hordes of over-perfumed or hygiene unfriendly shoppers to spend money on overpriced junk. Let’s not forget my favorite part of the Holiday season, the AIRING OF GRIEVANCES!!

Am I the only one who fumbled my cheer and recovered a pigskin of disappointment?

Last year, my fiancé spent hours locating and framing two poster-sized pictures for me. Be jealous. One print is of the USX Tower under construction in 1968, with my late grandfather-father almost visible as a foreman forging a symbol of the Steel City. The other is of Mike Tomlin, donning Black and Gold gortex as he guides our Pittsburgh Steelers through a playoff win en-route to a Lombardi Trophy in 2008.  My friends “watch” the Steelers with me whenever they have a national game.

Anyway, allow me to air my grievances….
Read More »Sound-Off: Twas The Monday Night Before Christmas…

Sound-Off: Cleveland Rocks Sucks!

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And other things you weren’t aware of or may have forgotten.

Thursday football is back in Steel City! I must admit, I hated the idea when it started back in 2006, but it has grown on me. Nothing puts a stiff break in a long work week like watching my Pittsburgh Steelers. For those of you that like TNF, you’re in luck, because the NFL’s new CBA includes a provision that could mean twelve of them starting as early as next year. And, hey, the money-grubbing paws of our favorite pro sport might pay off for once.  Chances are coverage will go up for bid, so those of you who will miss out on tonight’s game because you didn’t shell out money on an upgraded sports package are in luck. Unless the NFL ransacks the cable companies like they did the players, I suspect we’ll be watching the games on CBS or the Four Letter next year.

As Chris alluded to in Know Thy Enemy, I suspect we won’t see an instant classic tonight. Unless Cleveland finds a bag of fairy dust in one of their abandoned office buildings, paper says we take this one decisively. Like the C-Man said, my hopes lie in getting done early and then blowing a few kisses to Hines Ward and the record book. Mike Tomlin doesn’t seem to be a fan of manufacturing the “milestones,” but if the opportunity is there I’m sure he’ll take it. At least if this was in Cleveland we could look forward to the Puppy Pound tearing apart that dump they call a stadium again.
Read More »Sound-Off: Cleveland Rocks Sucks!

Steeler Nation Sound-Off: Damn, It’s Good To Be A Yinzer

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Chris here. When Hennessy told me he was returning to the ‘Burgh for the holiday, I thought it’d make a great idea for a post. Also, with this piece, I’m formally instituting Steeler Nation Sound-Off a permanent feature going forward. So you Hennessy fans will be able to enjoy his musings on a regular basis. And best of all, you get a break from me! Take it away, Hennessy…

I hope everyone had a great Turkey Day. I was fortunate enough to make the travel back to Pittsburgh, and unfortunate to have done it during an away game. I froze my ass off at many late season Pittsburgh Steelers games and it would have been nice to go to one during our Thanksgiving heat-wave. Not that I mind prying frozen Ahrn City’s from my frostbitten hands, it would just be nice to make a trip home one time when it wasn’t a bye week or away game.

I didn’t get the chance to make it to Heinz Field, but then again not many members of Steeler Nation ever get to grace the bleachers to cheer on our boys. It is an experience unlike any other, and if you’ve been there I’m sure you will agree. For those that haven’t, put it on your bucket list. You won’t regret it.

The whole trip home this time made me realize just how different the ‘Burgh really is. I’ve been in Nashville for six years now, so maybe the little things that make that team and that city stick for generations are just setting in. Anyway, here are a few things being back in town brought to light.
Read More »Steeler Nation Sound-Off: Damn, It’s Good To Be A Yinzer