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Roger Goodell Doesn’t Care About Family

Congratulations go out to Commissioner Roger Goodell. His goal has finally been achieved. He has successfully pussified the National Football League.

I tuned in to the Four Letter hoping to hear Trent Dilfer announce he was coming out of retirement to play for the Baltimore Ravens. He certainly couldn’t do any worse than last night’s performance by Joe Flacco. But rather than glorious analysis highlighting every one of the Ratbirds many flaws, I instead had to listen to the talking heads go on and on about the catfight between the Detroit Lions’ Ndamukong Suh and several members of the Atlanta Falcons. For those lucky smart enough to avoid the mind-numbing prattle, the story goes after quarterback Matt Ryan was hurt on a play late in Sunday’s game, Suh and teammate Cliff Avril stood there taunting him about the injury.

OH NOES! THE HORROR!
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Week 7 Recap: Streaks of Yellow

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The [intlink id=”21″ type=”category”]Pittsburgh Steelers[/intlink] defeated a game but over-matched Arizona Cardinals 32-20. It was allegedly a home game for the Cards but whenever CBS cut to a crowd shot, all you saw was a sea of Black and Gold. A bunch of Cardinal fans had pathetic little flags which I assume the locals handed out to counteract the Terrible Towel although it was to no avail. I’m used to Steeler Nation taking over opposing stadiums, to the point I hardly ever mention it in my recaps, but yesterday may have been the largest hostile takeover since Gordon Gekko tried to take over Bluestar Airlines.

The game started off tremendously for the Steelers. Lawrence Timmons batted a Kevin Kolb pass that was intercepted by [intlink id=”60″ type=”category”]Ryan Clark[/intlink]’s mouth. If only we could stuff it with a football. That’s our second interception of the season, by the way. [intlink id=”57″ type=”category”]Troy Polamalu[/intlink] just missed our third on the Cardinal’s next possession when he dropped a ball that hit him between the 4 and the 3. [intlink id=”14″ type=”category”]Ben Roethlisberger[/intlink] capped the drive by hitting Heath Miller for a 12 yard score and when Arizona went three and out on their next drive it seemed the route was on.

Big Ben marched the team into Arizona territory before [intlink id=”85″ type=”category”]Chris Kemoeatu[/intlink] lumbered ten yards down the field like a charging rhinoceros and decided to spear somebody about ten seconds after the play had ended. The personal foul ruined the drive and the Steelers were forced to punt. The Cardinals still couldn’t get anything going and the teams exchanged punts until Ben finally said “Screw it. Go deep!” and hit a streak of yellow aka [intlink id=”82″ type=”category”]Mike Wallace[/intlink] for a 95 yard touchdown bomb.

Then everything fell apart.
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Know Thy Enemy: Arizona Cardinals

This Sunday it will be deja vu all over again when the [intlink id=”20″ type=”category”]Pittsburgh Steelers[/intlink] face off against the Arizona Cardinals. The Cards are still led by our ex-offensive coordinator, Ken Whisenhunt, and boast a roster filled with refugees from the Black and Gold. Whiz must really admire his old franchise (and why shouldn’t he?) what with his almost comical fetish for adding ex-Steelers to his team. When the Steelers step inside the Big Toaster on Sunday, they’ll see no fewer than four ex-teammates across the sidelines with two more members of the roster having played their college ball at Pitt.

Pittsburgh and their slacker younger brother have faced each other twice since that fateful off-season of 2007 when [intlink id=”49″ type=”category”]Bill Cowher[/intlink] left to exchange phony laughs with James Brown and pretend to understand the words coming out of Shannon Sharpe’s mush-mouth. Whiz, the obvious heir apparent (he even has his own mini-Chin!), was surprisingly eliminated early in the process, leading him to bolt for the head job in Arizona. After the media erroneously reported longtime offensive line coach Russ Grimm had won the job, the Steelers announced they were going with a relatively unknown defensive coordinator from Minnesota named [intlink id=”45″ type=”category”]Mike Tomlin[/intlink]. That year, the two teams met during the regular season with the Cardinals scoring an emotional victory in a game their spurned head coach badly wanted to win.

Of course, the next time the two teams met, the Steelers would walk away with a victory in Super Bowl XLIII. He who laughs last, laughs best and all that.
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Mama Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboy Fans

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Seriously, consider the child’s mental well-being. If your little Dallas Cowboys fan was born in 1996, he’d have witnessed only one playoff victory his entire life. That’s just cruel.

I’m a fan of the [intlink id=”163″ type=”category”]Pittsburgh Steelers[/intlink]. A pretty rabid fan as friends, co-workers and family members will tell you with a heavy sigh. As a matter of fact, one of the reasons I was let go from the Site That Shall Not Be Named was they felt I was frequently too passionate in writing about my team. No wonder they replaced me with a bunch of dull carpetbaggers.

Anyway, while they may have disliked me, they would’ve hated this woman.
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Ryan Clark Still An Idiot

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I’m a proud member of Steeler Nation. The fact I’ve been writing about them for five years across two different blogs speaks to my devotion. Blogging about your favorite team does present an interesting conundrum, however. While I love the [intlink id=”166″ type=”category”]Pittsburgh Steelers[/intlink], there are players on the team I absolutely can’t stand.

Safety [intlink id=”60″ type=”category”]Ryan Clark[/intlink] has quickly reached the top of that list.

For those living outside the Pittsburgh area, you cannot fathom how thoroughly the team dominates this town. One of the reasons I wanted a blog in the first place was the unabashed homerism the local media lavishes upon the team can frequently be nauseating. For those of you who follow sports in general, you’ve probably heard the big controversy in Boston where the local media has eviscerated the team for drinking beer and eating Popeye’s chicken in the clubhouse while in the midst of a historic collapse. I can’t imagine a story of that kind ever being published here in the ‘Burgh. Even when the Steelers where in the midst of a horrific five game losing streak back in 2009, the most stinging criticism you heard from the local media was they were suffering from “a Super Bowl hangover.”
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Mike Tomlin Free To Whoop Some Ass

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The big news from NFL week six involved the altercation between head coaches Jim Schwartz of the Detroit Lions and and Jim Harbaugh of the  San Francisco 49ers. Yesterday evening, the league announced [intlink id=”8″ type=”category”]Roger Goodell[/intlink] will not fine either coach for their behavior. As shocking as it may be that the Ginger Dictator failed to partake in his favorite pastime, I’m not really surprised. For one, no [intlink id=”68″ type=”category”]Pittsburgh Steelers[/intlink] were involved. For another, it wasn’t much of a fight. I’ve seen drunken hootchies over in Oakland throw down harder than those two putzes.

Not that I blame Schwartz for flipping out. Harbaugh was yanking up his shirt and belly bumping his players like he had just won the Little League World Series. He then evidently told Schwartz to “get the F out of my way” when they met at mid-field. The best part was after Schwartz went after him in aggressive fashion, Harbaugh ran like a scalded dog only to turn around and act like he wanted to fight after six or seven people where there to keep them apart.  As we’ve seen with the assclown in Baltimore, those Harbaugh brothers are pure class.
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Week 6 Recap: Yo Gobble Gabbert

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Sometimes you drink the wine and sometimes you stomp the grapes. This week, the [intlink id=”21″ type=”category”]Pittsburgh Steelers[/intlink] put on a performance more reminiscent of prune juice. It started off nice and smooth but about an hour and a half later you were left with a queasy feeling that had you praying to the porcelain god that the whole ordeal would soon be over.

The scoreboard says the Black and Gold defeated the Jacksonville Jaguars 17-13. The Pessimistic Inner Yinzer says, “Hey yous guys, we was lucky to walk away with a W. Against a halfway decent team, we wouldn’t be so lucky n’at.” Bill Cowher was fond of saying you are what your record says you are while [intlink id=”86″ type=”category”]Mike Tomlin [/intlink]likes to say there are no awards for style points. Well, the win-loss column may say the Steelers are 4-2 but the style of play tells me this is not a 4-2 caliber team.

Picking up from last week’s thumping of the Tennessee Titans, the Steelers dominated on both sides of the ball for the first thirty minutes. The offense racked up 315 yards of total offense while the defense held Jacksonville under 90. [intlink id=”88″ type=”category”]Rashard Mendenhall[/intlink] ran like a spy drone was hot on his tail, ripping off a 68 yarder in route to a 113 yard first half performance. [intlink id=”14″ type=”category”]Ben Roethlisberger[/intlink] completed 11 passes for 181 yards, highlighted by a 28 yard touchdown to [intlink id=”82″ type=”category”]Mike Wallace[/intlink]. His opposite number, Jacksonville rookie quarterback Blaine Gabbert, couldn’t get anything going. He was under constant siege from a ferocious Blitzburgh defense, particularly [intlink id=”70″ type=”category”]LaMarr Woodley[/intlink] and  Brett Keisel, who would finish with two sacks apiece.
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Know Thy Enemy: Jacksonville Jaguars

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The [intlink id=”20″ type=”category”]Pittsburgh Steelers[/intlink] currently sit at thirteen point favorites over the Jacksonville Jaguars. The last time they were a huge favorite, they put forth a less than inspiring effort against the Seattle Seahawks. Oh how things change one week to the next in the wacky NFL. The team we saw last week is a far cry from the one that sputtered through the first quarter of the season.

However, since reverse psychology worked so well last week…

The Steelers will lose. After last last week’s impressive performance, they’ve grown soft. They’re reading their own press clippings. This has trap game written all over it. Bet the under.
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