NFL Playoffs Archives - Total Steelers » Total Steelers

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File this one under, “Can’t make this stuff up.”

Remember the Pittsburgh Steelers magical playoff run leading up to Super Bowl XL? I’m sure we all remember it like it was yesterday. Everybody also remembers exactly where and what we were doing when Jerome Bettis fumbled against the Colts, nearly blowing our shot at an epic upset and his chance to go out on top. In the days that followed, a story even surfaced of a man suffering a heart attack as the result of that play.

What I’m trying to say here is Steeler Nation takes their football seriously. Continue reading »

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I’ve watched every minute of every Super Bowl from the opening kick-off through the trophy presentation since the New York Giants crushed the Denver Broncos in Super Bowl XXI way back in 1987. Except for last year. Oh, I watched the entire game, from the embarrassing power outage all the way until the blatant pass interference that ended the San Francisco 49ers comeback bid. Immediately after that ridiculous non-call, I turned on my PS3 and set to blowing stuff up because I’d rather have a colonic with a rusty drainpipe than watch the Baltimore Ravens hoist the Lombardi Trophy.

Between the Brothers Harbaugh meeting in a battle of epic assholes to the endless stories about what a gift to humanity Stabby McStabberson Ray Lewis has been since the pesky little murder he aided and abetted ten years ago, they couldn’t have picked a worse Super Bowl for fans of the Pittsburgh Steelers.

This year’s match-up won’t be the Worst Super Bowl Ever but it’ll be damn close. Continue reading »

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This past weekend was a bittersweet affair for fans of the Pittsburgh Steelers. On Saturday, we had the pleasure of watching the well-rested Kansas City Chiefs piss away a 28 point led like fat schlub Andy Reid pisses away his time outs. Even if KC had managed to win, they wouldn’t have had any players left after losing approximately 29 different players over the course of the game. Gee, it sure was a smart move to bench all your starters that final week of the season, wasn’t it you walrus-faced assclown? When are idiot NFL head coaches going to learn taking a week off NEVER HELPS?

I do have to admit, Andy Reid schadenfreude is the best schadenfreude. Continue reading »

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The picture above is of Kansas City Chiefs kicker Ryan Succop. Or, as he’ll be forever known in the Steel City, the Most Hated Man In Pittsburgh. You have ONE JOB, assclown. Although I suppose there is some poetry to the season ending because of a spectacular special teams FAIL.

On a side note, only the Pittsburgh Steelers could get screwed over by the referees in a game they weren’t even playing. Even worse, they got jobbed TWICE. That’s some superior trolling by Roger Goodell. Bring back the replacement refs!

As you may have noticed, I have yet to talk about the Pittsburgh Steelers 20-7 victory over the Cleveland Browns. That’s because it was the epitome of a forgettable game. Yeah, the Black and Gold had to win to keep their slim playoff chances alive but there was little doubt they’d do that. Beyond the easy W, there was little of note beyond some personal statistical goals and perhaps the chance to see Steeler legends (Troy Polamalu, Bret Keisel) play their final game at Heinz Field.  Continue reading »

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Steelers another day

Talk about living a charmed life. In my preview for yesterday’s game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and Green Bay Packers, I ended by wondering what would happen if the Steelers’ slim playoff hopes were already extinguished by kickoff. Well, not only did every single domino fall their way in the early games, the New England Patriots did them a solid by hammering the Baltimore Ravens later in the afternoon. Yes, ladies and gentleman, the Black and Gold are still mathematically alive for the AFC Playoffs.

It’s a Christmas Miracle.

Of course, it would’ve all been moot had the Steelers not taken care of business by defeating the Packers. Their 38-31 victory was a wild affair featuring a little bit of everything: good offense, good defense, weather porn, special teams trickeration, a heart-stopping finish, and crooked referees doing their best to screw Pittsburgh over. It was the football version of a WWE wrestling match. And in the end, the good guys won. Continue reading »

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The Baltimore Ravens must be the luckiest team in NFL history.

They should’ve been one and done in last year’s playoffs only for Rahim Moore’s epic blunder to set them on course for a Super Bowl run. They defeated the Pittsburgh Steelers in a pivotal division match-up on Thanksgiving night thanks to five field goals by Justin Tucker. Last night, in an equally crucial Monday Night game, they somehow beat the Detroit Lions without scoring a single touchdown. Six more Tucker field goals was all the offense “elite” Joe Flacco and company could muster.

Maybe they should’ve given Tucker the $120 million dollar contract. Continue reading »

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Brown Tomlin

As the first half came to an end in yesterday’s game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and Miami Dolphins, the Fins attempted an insane 52 yard field goal on the snow covered field into the notorious open end of the stadium. Predictably, the kick fell about ten yards short where Troy Polamalu caught it on the fly. Troy being Troy, he immediately took off running in an attempt to recreate Auburn-Alabama. After one of several laterals was miraculously caught by Ike Taylor, he decided not to tempt fate and fell on the ball rather than attempt a lateral of his own. It was one of the greatest meaningless plays I’ve ever seen.

Until the final play of the game.

After a failed fourth down conversion handed Miami a first down on the Steelers 9, the Dolphins milked the clock, ultimately settling for a field goal with a minute left. Three plays later, the Steelers were reduced to a desperate game of hook and lateral that ended when Antonio Brown some how broke free down the sideline and ran untouched for what looked to be a miraculous go-ahead touchdown. Unfortunately, AB’s pinky toe just nipped the sideline on his way to the end zone, thus preserving Miami’s 34-28 victory. Continue reading »

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All things considered, Sunday was a pretty good day for the Pittsburgh Steelers. Their playoff hopes may have sustained serious damage after losing to the Baltimore Ravens on Thanksgiving but yesterday’s results show there are still signs of life. It’s not going to be easy and the margin for error is certainly razor thin. Although considering how the season started, even being in position to be playing meaningful games in December is quite a feat. Continue reading »

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Nope.

Sorry for being short but I actually had another of my trademark 1000 word monstrosities analyzing every potentiality playoff team in the queue when my computer decided to eat it. So you’ll have to settle for the Cliff’s Notes version of my opus.

The AFC is a trash heap. The playoff picture is both clear and an absolute mess. Clear in that the division leaders are all pretty well settled. We also know one Wild Card will come from the loser of the Kansas City-Denver battle for AFC South supremacy. One of those teams will finish with 11 or 12 wins, barring some sort of epic collapse.

Nobody else is even above .500. Two teams, the Jets and Dolphins, currently sit at 5-5. Behind them, there are six teams that are 4-6, including our Pittsburgh Steelers. Yes, thanks to Da Bears downing the Ravens and the Browns being the Browns, all three of the also-rans in the AFC North are knotted up at 4 wins each. As I pretty much cautioned all season, the level of mediocrity is such that the Steelers had little trouble bringing themselves back into the pack. Continue reading »

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giotd

I was going to write “But the Bungles still lose” except when you’re 2-5 and staring up at the entire division, you really shouldn’t throw stones. Such is life for fans of the Pittsburgh Steelers.

If you were busy yesterday taking your kids trick or treating or attending one of those adult Halloween bashes where you get to live out your childhood fantasy of being Batman while every woman is wearing a costume with the word “Sexy” attached (Sexy Nurse, Sexy Plumber, Sexy Maid, Sexy Butcher), you probably missed NFL Network’s Thursday Night Football. By the way, a dirty little secret of this season is the TNF games have actually been pretty damn good. They stumbled into a much better slate than ESPN got stuck with on Monday nights. It’s just hard to get used to watching NFL on days other than Sunday and Monday. Continue reading »

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