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Bettis Not Elected To HOF (And Other Super Bowl Thoughts)

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Namath Fur coat

The 2013 NFL season officially came to an end last night with the Seattle Seahawks epic 43-8 ass-whuppin’ of the Denver Broncos in Super Bowl XLVIII. In many ways, last night was something of a blast from the past. From Joe Namath big pimpin’ the coin toss in his classic fur coat look to Bruno Mars and his shitty Motown ripoff gimmick to the utter one-sidedness of the final score, yesterday’s Super Bowl was decidedly retro. And that’s not even counting the night’s best commercial which featured Alf, Jason Voorhees, and Hulk Hogan.

When I started watching football in the mid-80s, the Super Bowl pretty much followed the same pattern as we saw last night. The AFC would feature an offensive powerhouse who would go against a tough, defensive-minded NFC team and end up getting crushed. You youngsters out there have been spoiled as the last decade or so worth of Super Bowls have truly lived up to the hype. When I was a kid, it was usually a four hour one-sided beating.Read More »Bettis Not Elected To HOF (And Other Super Bowl Thoughts)

Jerome Bettis Finalist (Again) For Hall Of Fame

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NFL: AUG 14 Steelers v Bills

Welcome to Jerome Bettis week here on TotesStillers!

On Tuesday, I mentioned the Bus’s near fatal mistake against the Indianapolis Colts. Thankfully, our last image of Bettis wasn’t him sitting glumly on the sideline after a brainfart of epic proportions but rather him hoisting the Lombardi Trophy aloft after the Pittsburgh Steelers won the Super Bowl in his hometown of Detroit, Michigan. It was a storybook ending for a fantastic career. With his playing days behind him, there is now only one more honor for Bettis to attain.

Will this be the year Jerome Bettis is elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame?Read More »Jerome Bettis Finalist (Again) For Hall Of Fame

Lawsuit Filed Over Steelers Missing Playoffs

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File this one under, “Can’t make this stuff up.”

Remember the Pittsburgh Steelers magical playoff run leading up to Super Bowl XL? I’m sure we all remember it like it was yesterday. Everybody also remembers exactly where and what we were doing when Jerome Bettis fumbled against the Colts, nearly blowing our shot at an epic upset and his chance to go out on top. In the days that followed, a story even surfaced of a man suffering a heart attack as the result of that play.

What I’m trying to say here is Steeler Nation takes their football seriously.Read More »Lawsuit Filed Over Steelers Missing Playoffs

Another Dismal Super Bowl For Steelers Fans

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I’ve watched every minute of every Super Bowl from the opening kick-off through the trophy presentation since the New York Giants crushed the Denver Broncos in Super Bowl XXI way back in 1987. Except for last year. Oh, I watched the entire game, from the embarrassing power outage all the way until the blatant pass interference that ended the San Francisco 49ers comeback bid. Immediately after that ridiculous non-call, I turned on my PS3 and set to blowing stuff up because I’d rather have a colonic with a rusty drainpipe than watch the Baltimore Ravens hoist the Lombardi Trophy.

Between the Brothers Harbaugh meeting in a battle of epic assholes to the endless stories about what a gift to humanity Stabby McStabberson Ray Lewis has been since the pesky little murder he aided and abetted ten years ago, they couldn’t have picked a worse Super Bowl for fans of the Pittsburgh Steelers.

This year’s match-up won’t be the Worst Super Bowl Ever but it’ll be damn close.Read More »Another Dismal Super Bowl For Steelers Fans

Steelers Sign Psychotic Punter

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For those of you who watched the Cincinnati Bengal‘s glorious playoff debacle, you may have noticed a familiar face wearing the prison stripes. No, not James Harrison, who made sure to get in one last personal foul cheap shot for old time’s sake. I’m talking about punter Zoltan Mesko, who was signed to replace Terence Garvin victim Kevin Huber. Mesko, you may or may not remember, was the ex-Patriots punter who revealed he couldn’t kick his way out of a wet paper bag once he joined the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Mesko’s replacement was an Australian journeyman named Mat McBriar. McBriar wasn’t much of an improvement over Mesko although he sure threw a sweet pass on a fake punt against the Packers. His actual punting ranged from mediocre to terrible, though, so it’s no surprise the Steelers are already looking elsewhere for his replacement. As long as they don’t draft a punter. I don’t think my blood pressure could take it if they wasted another pick on a glorified soccer player.Read More »Steelers Sign Psychotic Punter

Steelers Fire Jack Bicknell

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tytyt

Catching up on some stuff I missed last week, it was announced late Friday night that the Pittsburgh Steelers had fired offensive line coach Jack Bicknell Jr. This announcement came as a bit of a surprise to most as Bicknell has generally been credited for doing a pretty good job this season. If there was ever an example of making chicken salad out of chicken shit, what Bicknell did with our crew of journeymen and underachievers was it. I can’t fathom how much more the Steelers expected from him.

That is, if he was coaching the line at all. Our old friend Ian Rappaport, through his ever-popular “anonymous team source” – who we know is just the kid in the Steely McBeam costume feeding that nobody bogus scoops – tweeted that he heard Bicknell had been stripped of all on-field duties by the end of the year. While not a single one of the crack local beat reporters bothered to report this during the season, Jerry Dulac at the P-G did mention – shortly before Rappaport broke his “news” – that he had heard offensive line assistant Shaun Sarrett had taken over around mid-season. If that’s true, I guess we already know who the next O-line coach is.Read More »Steelers Fire Jack Bicknell

Thanks For Showing Up, Bengals

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This past weekend was a bittersweet affair for fans of the Pittsburgh Steelers. On Saturday, we had the pleasure of watching the well-rested Kansas City Chiefs piss away a 28 point led like fat schlub Andy Reid pisses away his time outs. Even if KC had managed to win, they wouldn’t have had any players left after losing approximately 29 different players over the course of the game. Gee, it sure was a smart move to bench all your starters that final week of the season, wasn’t it you walrus-faced assclown? When are idiot NFL head coaches going to learn taking a week off NEVER HELPS?

I do have to admit, Andy Reid schadenfreude is the best schadenfreude.Read More »Thanks For Showing Up, Bengals

Week 17 Recap: Fresh Out Of Miracles

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The picture above is of Kansas City Chiefs kicker Ryan Succop. Or, as he’ll be forever known in the Steel City, the Most Hated Man In Pittsburgh. You have ONE JOB, assclown. Although I suppose there is some poetry to the season ending because of a spectacular special teams FAIL.

On a side note, only the Pittsburgh Steelers could get screwed over by the referees in a game they weren’t even playing. Even worse, they got jobbed TWICE. That’s some superior trolling by Roger Goodell. Bring back the replacement refs!

As you may have noticed, I have yet to talk about the Pittsburgh Steelers 20-7 victory over the Cleveland Browns. That’s because it was the epitome of a forgettable game. Yeah, the Black and Gold had to win to keep their slim playoff chances alive but there was little doubt they’d do that. Beyond the easy W, there was little of note beyond some personal statistical goals and perhaps the chance to see Steeler legends (Troy Polamalu, Bret Keisel) play their final game at Heinz Field.  Read More »Week 17 Recap: Fresh Out Of Miracles

Know Thy Enemy: Cleveland Browns

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lebeaureading

Welcome back. I hope everybody had a great Christmas. If you’re anything like me, I’m sure it included at least one piece of Pittsburgh Steelers related swag. At this point, I think I have more Black and Gold related dvds than NFL Films.

With time running out in both the year 2013 and the 2013 NFL season, I think we should pick up where we left off on Monday. Thanks to an improbable set of circumstances last Sunday, the Steelers are still mathematically alive for the AFC Playoffs. In order for them to leapfrog three teams and earn the second Wild Card slot, there are only three games we need to keep an eye on.Read More »Know Thy Enemy: Cleveland Browns

Week 16 Recap: Die Another Day

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Steelers another day

Talk about living a charmed life. In my preview for yesterday’s game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and Green Bay Packers, I ended by wondering what would happen if the Steelers’ slim playoff hopes were already extinguished by kickoff. Well, not only did every single domino fall their way in the early games, the New England Patriots did them a solid by hammering the Baltimore Ravens later in the afternoon. Yes, ladies and gentleman, the Black and Gold are still mathematically alive for the AFC Playoffs.

It’s a Christmas Miracle.

Of course, it would’ve all been moot had the Steelers not taken care of business by defeating the Packers. Their 38-31 victory was a wild affair featuring a little bit of everything: good offense, good defense, weather porn, special teams trickeration, a heart-stopping finish, and crooked referees doing their best to screw Pittsburgh over. It was the football version of a WWE wrestling match. And in the end, the good guys won.Read More »Week 16 Recap: Die Another Day