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Know Thy Enemy: Green Bay Packers

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Packers Bikini Girls

When the Pittsburgh Steelers take to the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field on Sunday afternoon to face the Green Bay Packers, their slim playoff hopes may have already been dashed. Unless the Dolphins lose to the Bills and the Jets beat the Browns earlier in the day, the last two games of the season will officially be meaningless. Which is probably for the best because a high draft pick is more important to the Steelers future than a pointless Wild Card game anyway. Not that a playoff game is likely with the improbable set of dominoes which must fall in precise order to get the Black and Gold into the post-season.

I tried explaining the AFC’s playoff scenario earlier this week. I’ll try to sum it up again briefly. Basically, Miami’s head to head victory means the Steelers cannot overtake them. However, the rules for breaking a tie between 3 or more teams state that first you match division foes up with each other and eliminate teams until each division is only represented by one team. Then you start the process over again with the remaining teams. That’s why the Jets must win out – if they end the season tied with Miami (and us), they do us the favor of eliminating them by virtue of a better division record just like we do the Ravens.

Like I said, improbable to say the least. Meanwhile, our Super Bowl XLV opponents, the Packers, are in a far less complicated playoff battle of their own. They need this game every bit as much as we do. Although they’ll be going into the game without their biggest gun.Read More »Know Thy Enemy: Green Bay Packers

Terence Garvin Fined $25,000 For Annihilating Punter

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kevin-huber

When I was a kid, I wrote letters to Santa. Times really have changed. What that young Bengals fan doesn’t realize – besides the fact he’s in for a lifetime of disappointment – is that success is the best revenge.

Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker Terence Garvin was slapped with a $25,000 fine for destroying Cincinnati Bengals punter Kevin Huber last Sunday night. C’mon, you didn’t really think Roger Goodell was going to let a Steeler get away with laying somebody out on national TV, did you? With a defense full of pansies and lousy tacklers, the Ginger Dictator has had precious few opportunities to indulge his favorite hobby of fining Steelers for playing football this season. His catered lunch slush fund must be dwindling dangerously low.Read More »Terence Garvin Fined $25,000 For Annihilating Punter

Woodley Out For Season

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Lamarr Woodley South Park

The Pittsburgh Steelers placed linebacker LaMarr Woodley on injured reserve yesterday, thus ending his 2013 season. I know what you’re thinking, “Woodley played this season?” I can barely remember myself.

In my recap of Sunday night’s game, I mentioned Woodley falling farther faster than nearly any player I can remember. He was an absolute beast his first three seasons, amassing 35 sacks playing opposite James Harrison. Since signing a six year $61 million extension in 2011, however, he’s been a shadow of his former self. Surely a lot of it has to do with the decline and eventual departure of Deebo, who was one of the best linebackers of the current era. But a lot also has to do with the whispers of Woodley being a lazy unmotivated fatass whose near constant stream of injuries are directly related to his poor work ethic.Read More »Woodley Out For Season

Steelers Playoff Hopes Dwindling

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Beaky-Bastards

The Baltimore Ravens must be the luckiest team in NFL history.

They should’ve been one and done in last year’s playoffs only for Rahim Moore’s epic blunder to set them on course for a Super Bowl run. They defeated the Pittsburgh Steelers in a pivotal division match-up on Thanksgiving night thanks to five field goals by Justin Tucker. Last night, in an equally crucial Monday Night game, they somehow beat the Detroit Lions without scoring a single touchdown. Six more Tucker field goals was all the offense “elite” Joe Flacco and company could muster.

Maybe they should’ve given Tucker the $120 million dollar contract. Read More »Steelers Playoff Hopes Dwindling

Week 15 Recap: Well, It’s The Bengals Bungles

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bengalspunter

If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, every day would be Christmas…

The Pittsburgh Steelers laid a mighty whuppin’ on the Cincinnati Bengals, temporarily keeping their slim playoff hopes alive with a 30-20 victory on Sunday Night Football. The final score doesn’t accurately reflect how one-sided this game actually was. The Black and Gold roared out to a 21-0 lead in the first quarter and basically coasted the rest of the way. Meanwhile, Cincy never seemed to get on track, repeatedly shooting themselves in the foot with mistakes or ill-timed penalties. As Cris Collinsworth, a former Bungle, said after one of their players got flagged for taunting down while down 20 points, “Well, it’s the Bengals.”Read More »Week 15 Recap: Well, It’s The Bengals Bungles

Know Thy Enemy: Cincinnati Bengals

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roethlisberger_cowher_blog

Misery loves company.

That was Bill Cowher’s famous rallying cry the last time the Pittsburgh Steelers were eliminated from playoff contention with weeks left in their season. The final game of Coach Cowher’s legendary Steelers career came against this week’s same opponent, the Cincinnati Bengals. In that game, the Steelers had nothing to play for but Cincy needed a win in order to qualify for the post season. Thanks to an overtime touchdown pass from Ben Roethlisberger to Santonio Holmes, the Chin walked off the field one final time as a winner.

The Steelers can’t knock the Bungles out of the playoffs on Sunday night. Cincy has the AFC North well in hand with an eye toward maybe even getting one of those first round byes. And the Steelers aren’t technically eliminated from the playoffs, although it would take a nearly miraculous series of events for them to back-door into the Wild Card game. However, it’s still Cincinnati-Pittsburgh so you know both sides are going to play hard.Read More »Know Thy Enemy: Cincinnati Bengals

Is This The End For Troy Polamalu?

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pol2

I made the mistake of tuning into the Monday Night Football countdown show last night. Usually I do my best to avoid Stabby McStabberson and the rest of the merry pranksters who populate the Four Letter. However, I happened to tune in just in time to hear them discuss the Pittsburgh Steelers season ending loss to the Miami Dolphins. As usual, they only bother discussing the Black and Gold when they have something negative to say.

Anyway, what surprised me was the focus of their discussion. I expected them to touch on Ben Roethlisberger‘s seething hatred of Todd Haley – which was evidently on full display in the locker room after the game – and they did mention it. However, what I didn’t expect was much of their discussion focusing on Pro Bowl safety and future Hall of Famer Troy Polamalu. The goofs on the panel placed a great deal of the blame for the defeat on Troy, even speculating this may be his final season in Pittsburgh.

Which at first seemed absurd but after thinking it over, is this the end of the line for Troy Polamalu?Read More »Is This The End For Troy Polamalu?

Week 14 Recap: Close But No Cigar Playoffs

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Brown Tomlin

As the first half came to an end in yesterday’s game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and Miami Dolphins, the Fins attempted an insane 52 yard field goal on the snow covered field into the notorious open end of the stadium. Predictably, the kick fell about ten yards short where Troy Polamalu caught it on the fly. Troy being Troy, he immediately took off running in an attempt to recreate Auburn-Alabama. After one of several laterals was miraculously caught by Ike Taylor, he decided not to tempt fate and fell on the ball rather than attempt a lateral of his own. It was one of the greatest meaningless plays I’ve ever seen.

Until the final play of the game.

After a failed fourth down conversion handed Miami a first down on the Steelers 9, the Dolphins milked the clock, ultimately settling for a field goal with a minute left. Three plays later, the Steelers were reduced to a desperate game of hook and lateral that ended when Antonio Brown some how broke free down the sideline and ran untouched for what looked to be a miraculous go-ahead touchdown. Unfortunately, AB’s pinky toe just nipped the sideline on his way to the end zone, thus preserving Miami’s 34-28 victory.Read More »Week 14 Recap: Close But No Cigar Playoffs

Know Thy Enemy: Miami Dolphins

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The Pittsburgh Steelers host the Miami Dolphins this Sunday at Heinz Field. Ordinarily, I’d begin this preview by trying to come up with some compelling reasons to get fired up for the game. In this case, hype really isn’t necessary. For the Steelers’ razor thin playoff hopes to live another week, they quite simply must win on Sunday.

Miami is currently one of the two remaining 6-6 teams in the AFC. I know I’ve been saying all along that the AFC’s second Wild Card might be 8-8 and I still believe that. With four games remaining, can anybody confidently predict ANY of the AFC teams in the hunt will run the table? Regardless whether that second Wild Card is 8-8 or 9-7, the last playoff spot is almost certainly going to come down to tiebreakers. Which is why the Steelers must beat the Dolphins – if they lose they can possibly make up the  game in the standings but they will never be able to make up the tiebreaker.Read More »Know Thy Enemy: Miami Dolphins

Ginger Dictator Fines Tomlin, Draft Pick Loss Pending

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Tomlin smirking tripping

Nearly a week since Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin executed the Two Step Heard ‘Round The World, Steeler Nation has been bracing for the inevitable consequences. Yesterday, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell finally deigned to step down from Mount Olympus and pass down punishment for The Blunder. As usual when the Ginger Dictator deals with the Black and Gold, his punishments were both harsh and potentially very damaging. At least he’s consistent.

The first – and least – important part of Ginger’s ruling was a cool $100,000 fine for Tomlin. That may sound like big money to you or I but to a head coach making $5 million, it’s not much different than an average worker getting docked $150. As an aside, can anybody else believe that goof Tomlin gets paid five MILLION dollars to lie his ass off at press conferences and embarrass the franchise on national television? Meanwhile, a truly great head coach like Bill Cowher was sent into retirement because the team didn’t feel he was worth a top salary.Read More »Ginger Dictator Fines Tomlin, Draft Pick Loss Pending