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Charlie Batch

Know Thy Enemy: St. Louis Rams

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If those guys came to my front door Christmas caroling, I’m not sure if I’d offer them egg nog or hand over my watch. What the hell? Anyway, the Pittsburgh Steelers released their annual video of players singing Christmas Carols and, as usual, they are absolutely must-see. There are four separate clips, each introduced by Mike Tomlin looking the most uncool he’s ever looked in his life. Each position grouping is charged with singing a different holiday classic and I guess the linebackers pictured above decided “Frosty The Snowman” needed more street cred. From left to right, the Gangsta Choir is composed of Chris Carter, James Harrison, Lawrence Timmons, James Farrior, Stevenson Sylvester, Morty Ivy and Larry Foote.

The best part is linebackers coach (and defensive coordinator in waiting) Keith Butler standing in the back looking like a festive Paul Ellering. If you get that reference, plus thirty cool points for you.

Before I get to Knowing this week’s opponent, the St. Louis Rams, a bit of blog housekeeping to clear up. For those out of the loop, the Ginger Dictator Grinch‘s heart must’ve grown three sizes one day because he has decreed this weekend’s games will be played on Saturday so the players can have Christmas off. As I’m off to sunny Tampa to spend the holidays with my folks as soon as I press “Post,” I won’t have the game recap up until Monday. I’m sure most of you have better things to do on Sunday than check in here, anyway. If you’re really desperate to hear my groan-worthy one-liners, you can always follow me on Twitter as I usually tweet during games. I will try to keep the blog up to date with pertinent news next week but my posting schedule may be a bit spotty so please bear with me.
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Colts Fans Dropping The F-Bomb

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Some people never miss an episode of Ice Road Truckers. Others can’t get enough reruns of 2½ Men.  By the way, sorry Ashton Kutcher, you’re good but you’re still no Charlie Sheen.  Me?  I never miss a [intlink id=”86″ type=”category”]Mike Tomlin[/intlink] press conference. Oh, I don’t watch because I’m interested in his injury reports (he constantly lies about those) or his strategy for the Pittsburgh Steelers upcoming opponents (ditto).

I simply watch for the hilarity. From his grand pronouncements (“Unleash Hell!) to his ridiculous Tomlinisms (“The standard is the standard.”) to his bizarre non-sequitors (“We were grape squashers.”), no coach is as thoroughly entertaining as Mike Tomlin. I wish the Steelers sold tickets to his pressers because at least you can be assured of a solid 15-20 minutes of set-ups and punchlines. That’s certainly more than you can say about a Dane Cook concert.
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Steelers Celebrate Labor Day By Adding To Unemployment

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About those preseason games…

Sorry for being tardy with this update but watching the [intlink id=”19″ type=”category”]Pittsburgh Steelers[/intlink] final exhibition game last night left me feeling not unlike Alex after undergoing treatment in “A Clockwork Orange.”  The tone was set early when Charlie Batch played two series then spent the rest of the game on the sideline wondering why the Panthers cheerleaders all look like they’re thirty-five years old.  [intlink id=”45″ type=”category”]Mike Tomlin[/intlink] made no effort to disguise this farce, telling reporters afterward that if a player was suffering from anything more serious than a hangnail, they weren’t going to see action.  I feel sorry for the people of Carolina who paid good money to see UFL level action at NFL level prices.

Remember, folks, Roger Goodell is all about listening to the fans.
Read More »Steelers Celebrate Labor Day By Adding To Unemployment

Mike Tomlin Is Wise, Grasshopper

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Remember back during the lockout when [intlink id=”8″ type=”category”]Roger Goodell[/intlink] had this crazy idea for an 18 game season?  Remember how the Ginger Dictator justified this little slice of insanity by saying, “The fans have told me they hate meaningless football games?” Remember when it was revealed that the scheme would essentially cut the preseason in half with the final two exhibitions becoming regular season contests?  Remember how this idea was met with howls of protest from coaches who said, “I absolutely need four games to determine my rosters and prepare for the season?”

Tonight the [intlink id=”19″ type=”category”]Pittsburgh Steelers[/intlink] have their yearly preseason meeting with the Carolina Panthers. In this fourth and final preseason game, which is absolutely crucial remember, head coach [intlink id=”45″ type=”category”]Mike Tomlin[/intlink] has already announced Ben Roethlisberger, Ike Taylor, Jerricho Cotchery, Troy Polamalu, James Farrior, Casey Hampton,  Maurkice Pouncey and Bryant McFadden won’t be playing.  But, hey, you’ll get a full half of [intlink id=”99″ type=”category”]Charlie Batch[/intlink]!  ALL CHAZZ, ALL THE TIME!  IT’S LIKE HITTING THE LOTTO AND SCORING WITH ROONEY MARA IN THE SAME DAY!
Read More »Mike Tomlin Is Wise, Grasshopper

Dennis Dixon’s Voodoo (And Other Preseason Thoughts)

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Alright, who didn’t bring their rabbit’s foot?

Before the [intlink id=”19″ type=”category”]Pittsburgh Steelers[/intlink] kicked off their third preseason game Saturday night, I threw up a quick note beseeching those making the trek to Heinz Field to bring whatever good luck charms they may hold dear.  I knew the starters were going to see significant playing time.  And I knew that the last thing we needed was one of those starters to get injured in a meaningless exhibition game.  When the game ended with not one, not two, but three significant injuries to key personnel, I knew somebody didn’t listen.

The ugliest injury belonged to back-up quarterback Byron Leftwich, who broke his left arm bracing his fall early in the second half.  The camera didn’t cut directly to [intlink id=”55″ type=”category”]Dennis Dixon[/intlink] so we can only speculate whether he was sticking pins into his Leftwich voodoo doll at that exact moment.  Seriously, how much luck can one man have?  Dix must have been born with a horseshoe up his ass.
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One Less QB For Steelers To Worry About

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*Exhale*

The Pittsburgh Steelers reportedly sent representatives to watch Jeanette High School and Ohio State tattoo aficionado [intlink id=”106″ type=”category”]Terrelle Pryor[/intlink]’s pro day last week.  One would think the Steelers would have no use for another QB but Pryor said in pre-draft interviews he would entertain the idea of moving to wide receiver.  Not that the Steelers have any dire need at that position either.  At 6’5 and running a 4.4/40, they’d probably make an exception for the right price.

It became moot a few minutes ago when the Oakland Raiders secured the rights to Pryor for a third round draft pick.  Leave it to the Raiders to overpay by two rounds in the Supplemental Draft.  Then again, he was the fastest quarterback to come out of college in the past three years.  Oh, Grandpa Al, never change.
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Steelers Face Greatest Team Ever Assembled (TM)

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For members of Steeler Nation living outside of Western Pennsylvania, tonight is your first opportunity to see your [intlink id=”19″ type=”category”]Pittsburgh Steelers[/intlink] when they face off against the Philadelphia Eagles on Fox.  Despite the Black and Gold coming off a glorious Super Bowl run, prepare yourself for almost non-stop praise for the Iggles.  Philly, you see, is this year’s Greatest Team Ever Assembled.  On paper.

Sure, they pulled off the biggest move in free agency by signing Nnamdi Asomugha.  Then they traded Kevin Kolb to Arizona for Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie.  TWO ALL-PRO CORNERBACKS!  ON THE SAME TEAM!  YOU CAN’T POSSIBLY LOSE WITH THAT 1-2 PUNCH!

Ask the Jets.
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Terrelle Pryor Already Suspended By NFL

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Sometimes you read something that is just too good to pass up.

This is a Pittsburgh Steelers blog.  But sometimes I’ll write about other things related to the sports scene here in the Steel City.  This is one of those times.  And, hey, it does tangentially tie in with the Steelers in a roundabout way.

Pittsburgh high school phenom Terrelle Pryor has been suspended by the NFL.  “Wait,” you may ask, “isn’t he still in college?” Indeed he is, although that will change when he’s taken in next week’s Supplemental Draft.  The lucky team choosing Pryor will have to wait five weeks to see what they’ve gotten themselves into as [intlink id=”8″ type=”category”]Roger Goodell[/intlink] has proactively decided to suspend him for flouting NCAA rules.

God bless the Ginger Dictator.  Only he would have the balls to punish a guy not even under his jurisdiction for an offense which isn’t even illegal under the by-laws of his league.
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Notes On Steelers First Preseason Debacle

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Repeat after me:  “It’s only the preseason… It’s only the preseason…”

The[intlink id=”19″ type=”category”] Pittsburgh Steelers[/intlink] played their first preseason (don’t call them exhibitions!) game last night.  I tapped out shortly before half time but thanks to the magic of DVR, I finished the game a few minutes ago.  Even in fast forward, it was like watching a train wreck in slow motion.  To say it was a forgettable performance from the boys in Black and Gold would be an understatement.

“It’s only the preseason… It’s only the preseason…”
Read More »Notes On Steelers First Preseason Debacle