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Mike Tomlin

Mike Tomlin Free To Whoop Some Ass

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The big news from NFL week six involved the altercation between head coaches Jim Schwartz of the Detroit Lions and and Jim Harbaugh of the  San Francisco 49ers. Yesterday evening, the league announced [intlink id=”8″ type=”category”]Roger Goodell[/intlink] will not fine either coach for their behavior. As shocking as it may be that the Ginger Dictator failed to partake in his favorite pastime, I’m not really surprised. For one, no [intlink id=”68″ type=”category”]Pittsburgh Steelers[/intlink] were involved. For another, it wasn’t much of a fight. I’ve seen drunken hootchies over in Oakland throw down harder than those two putzes.

Not that I blame Schwartz for flipping out. Harbaugh was yanking up his shirt and belly bumping his players like he had just won the Little League World Series. He then evidently told Schwartz to “get the F out of my way” when they met at mid-field. The best part was after Schwartz went after him in aggressive fashion, Harbaugh ran like a scalded dog only to turn around and act like he wanted to fight after six or seven people where there to keep them apart.  As we’ve seen with the assclown in Baltimore, those Harbaugh brothers are pure class.
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Know Thy Enemy: Jacksonville Jaguars

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The [intlink id=”20″ type=”category”]Pittsburgh Steelers[/intlink] currently sit at thirteen point favorites over the Jacksonville Jaguars. The last time they were a huge favorite, they put forth a less than inspiring effort against the Seattle Seahawks. Oh how things change one week to the next in the wacky NFL. The team we saw last week is a far cry from the one that sputtered through the first quarter of the season.

However, since reverse psychology worked so well last week…

The Steelers will lose. After last last week’s impressive performance, they’ve grown soft. They’re reading their own press clippings. This has trap game written all over it. Bet the under.
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Brad Pitt Doesn’t Like Steelers’ Chances

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I saw Brad Pitt’s new movie Moneyball this past weekend. What else was I gonna see? Taylor Lautner running for his life through PNC Park? Not only does werewolf boy have the acting chops of Oscar the Grouch, that’s the worst strategy ever. When you’re fleeing from hitmen, you should stick to populated areas.

It was an okay flick. Certainly better than it had any right to be given the source material. I absolutely loathed the book and the cult of statheads it inspired. What kills me is the vast majority of the people who parrot these made up statistics probably never advanced beyond basic calculus. When I took a high level statistics course at Carnegie Mellon, my professor introduced himself on the very first day by saying, “I’m going to be honest with you. Statistics can be manipulated to prove anything.”

Sadly, the stathead parrots lack the education necessary to grasp this simple fact. Instead they quote WAR or EqA or BABIP like they’re actual meaningful numbers without any context or understanding of the completely arbitrary way at which they’re arrived. It’s one of the reasons I can’t stand reading most online baseball blogs. Instead of talking about what we can see with our own eyes, they spill pages and pages of digital ink repeating made up statistics which provide no actual insight.
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Week 3 Recap: Flirting With Disaster

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Remember last week when I wrote about uninspiring victories…

For those readers too old to stay up late or those who simply could not stomach the carnage, your [intlink id=”21″ type=”category”]Pittsburgh Steelers[/intlink] managed to squeak by the Indianapolis Colts 23-20 on a last second Shaun Suisham field goal last night on NBC Sunday Night Football. I don’t know what’s more impressive, that Suisham made a clutch kick or that the Steelers were able to find eleven guys to put on the field for the attempt. I don’t know how many ice baths they have in Lucas Oil Stadium but I guarantee there won’t be enough. Perhaps everyone will just have to share.

Pity the poor fool who ends up with Chris Kemoeatu.

The Steelers, ten point favorites according to the leg-breakers out in Vegas, should have lost. If not for absolutely inept quarterbacking by the fearsome duo of Kerry Collins and Curtis Painter, they probably would have. This game basically came down to two plays which determined the final outcome. First was Painter’s overthrow of a wide open Pierre Garcon, who ran a simple slant-and-go route which [intlink id=”101″ type=”category”]Ike Taylor[/intlink] inexplicably bailed on after the slant part. Had Painter completed the pass, there was nothing but 75 yards of green grass and high tides forever.
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Know Thy Enemy: Indianapolis Colts

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Sorry NBC, no take backs.  At least not until week twelve.

The [intlink id=”20″ type=”category”]Pittsburgh Steelers[/intlink] face off the Indianapolis Colts in this week’s edition of Sunday Night Football. Steeler Nation will be tuned in from coast to coast. Cris Collinsworth will be in the booth gleefully pointing out every mistake the Steelers make. Faith Hill will be there in her pleasingly tight dress, although sadly she’s chosen not to bring back the sexy hooker boots she wore three years ago.

The only person who won’t be there is Peyton Manning.

Obviously this match-up looked attractive back in June. It’s not like the Colts gave any indication their franchise player would miss the entire season. They signed him to a $69 million dollar contract in late July for crying out loud. Then again, unlike the Steelers and the $29 million they flushed down the crapper on [intlink id=”85″ type=”category”]Willie Colon[/intlink], the Colts were smart enough to insert a buy out clause that gets them off the hook if Manning never steps behind center again.

The point being this game was never the Steelers versus the Colts.  It was going to be Peyton Manning against Blitzburgh. Remove Pey-Pey from the equation and you have an Indianapolis team who are fast becoming the NFL version of the Cleveland Cavaliers sans LeBron.
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Colts Fans Dropping The F-Bomb

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Some people never miss an episode of Ice Road Truckers. Others can’t get enough reruns of 2½ Men.  By the way, sorry Ashton Kutcher, you’re good but you’re still no Charlie Sheen.  Me?  I never miss a [intlink id=”86″ type=”category”]Mike Tomlin[/intlink] press conference. Oh, I don’t watch because I’m interested in his injury reports (he constantly lies about those) or his strategy for the Pittsburgh Steelers upcoming opponents (ditto).

I simply watch for the hilarity. From his grand pronouncements (“Unleash Hell!) to his ridiculous Tomlinisms (“The standard is the standard.”) to his bizarre non-sequitors (“We were grape squashers.”), no coach is as thoroughly entertaining as Mike Tomlin. I wish the Steelers sold tickets to his pressers because at least you can be assured of a solid 15-20 minutes of set-ups and punchlines. That’s certainly more than you can say about a Dane Cook concert.
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Mike Tomlin Has No Use For Grapes

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I love [intlink id=”86″ type=”category”]Mike Tomlin[/intlink].

His place in [intlink id=”45″ type=”category”]Pittsburgh Steelers[/intlink] history is almost irrelevant.  Chuck Noll was the architect of the greatest team the NFL has ever known.  [intlink id=”49″ type=”category”]Bill Cowher[/intlink] set a standard for excellence almost unrivaled in modern football.  Granted, Tomlin has appeared in one more Super Bowl and has one more Lombardi in about a third of the time it took Cowher to win his first but let’s remember Tomlin was starting from a much better place than either of his predecessors.  Noll inherited a franchise which was the laughingstock of football.  Cowher took control of a team which had made only one playoff appearance in seven years.

Comparatively speaking, Tomlin was given the keys to a Ferrari and simply told not to crash it.  Building a champion is a lot harder than guiding one to another trophy.  The team Tomlin won a Super Bowl with in his second season was for all intents and purposes the same team Cowher won with three years prior.  And the team which has appeared in yet another Super Bowl since then is basically the same squad as the first two.  The true test of Tomlin’s coaching acumen will come as the Hines Wards and Troy Polamalus fade into retirement and he has to retool the team with a new crop of stars.
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Your 2011 Pittsburgh Steelers

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Hope everybody had a nice Labor Day weekend. Sorry for not updating the past couple days but as the proud grandson of a steelworker, I honor my forefathers by doing nothing more strenuous than throwing brats on the grill, cracking open a PBR and watching fireworks over Labor Day holiday.

While in absentia, the Pittsburgh Steelers finalized the roster which will lead them to legendary glory here in 2011 (and hopefully well in to 2012).  The biggest surprise cut was second year cornerback [intlink id=”96″ type=”category”]Crezdon Butler.[/intlink]  Butler played quite a bit during the preseason, struggling at times but also showing flashes of ability.  The team is thin enough at corner that it’s surprising they’d just give up on a youngster so soon.  It’s slightly reminiscent of last year when Joe Burnett played similarly well yet still failed to make the team.  Then again, Burnett was a final round cut by the New York Giants this season so I guess [intlink id=”23″ type=”category”]Kevin Colbert[/intlink] knows what he’s doing.
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Steelers Celebrate Labor Day By Adding To Unemployment

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About those preseason games…

Sorry for being tardy with this update but watching the [intlink id=”19″ type=”category”]Pittsburgh Steelers[/intlink] final exhibition game last night left me feeling not unlike Alex after undergoing treatment in “A Clockwork Orange.”  The tone was set early when Charlie Batch played two series then spent the rest of the game on the sideline wondering why the Panthers cheerleaders all look like they’re thirty-five years old.  [intlink id=”45″ type=”category”]Mike Tomlin[/intlink] made no effort to disguise this farce, telling reporters afterward that if a player was suffering from anything more serious than a hangnail, they weren’t going to see action.  I feel sorry for the people of Carolina who paid good money to see UFL level action at NFL level prices.

Remember, folks, Roger Goodell is all about listening to the fans.
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