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Brett Keisel

Week 16 Recap: Die Another Day

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Steelers another day

Talk about living a charmed life. In my preview for yesterday’s game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and Green Bay Packers, I ended by wondering what would happen if the Steelers’ slim playoff hopes were already extinguished by kickoff. Well, not only did every single domino fall their way in the early games, the New England Patriots did them a solid by hammering the Baltimore Ravens later in the afternoon. Yes, ladies and gentleman, the Black and Gold are still mathematically alive for the AFC Playoffs.

It’s a Christmas Miracle.

Of course, it would’ve all been moot had the Steelers not taken care of business by defeating the Packers. Their 38-31 victory was a wild affair featuring a little bit of everything: good offense, good defense, weather porn, special teams trickeration, a heart-stopping finish, and crooked referees doing their best to screw Pittsburgh over. It was the football version of a WWE wrestling match. And in the end, the good guys won.Read More »Week 16 Recap: Die Another Day

Troy Polamalu Cuts Hair For Veterans

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TROY-POLAMALU-HAIR-INSURED

Here’s a happy story to take a break from all the talk about whether the Pittsburgh Steelers should – or would – trade Ben Roethlisberger. Yesterday was Veteran’s Day. I’m sure many of you knew that because you didn’t have to go to work or school and instead spent the day on your computer searching for porn and not commenting on my blog. Scanning my site stats, I receive a number of hits from overseas so unless there is secretively a sect of Steeler Nation in Saudi Arabia, I can only assume some of you servicemen (and women) log in here from time to time.

Let me join others in (belatedly) thanking you for your service.

One person who went all-out for our veterans yesterday was future Hall of Fame safety Troy Polamalu. When I say “Troy,” I’m sure one of two images spring to mind. First, him launching himself with reckless abandon over the line of scrimmage. And second, his signature flowing mane that’s since become immortalized in a series of Head N’ Shoulders commercials.Read More »Troy Polamalu Cuts Hair For Veterans

Delusional Steelers Think They’re Still Relevant

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Pittsburgh Steelers Super Bowl XLV Media Availability

By the time you read this, Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin will have held his weekly press conference. I’ll gleefully mock his idiocy tomorrow. Until then, we have others joining him in the “WTF is he talking about?” club this week.

I realize football players aren’t smart. The vast majority of them can barely write their own names. And I realize they’re taught early on some simple strategies for dealing with the media. That’s why so many of them repeat the same cliches and the same sound bites over and over again. It’s rare when you find one truly capable of actual insight.Read More »Delusional Steelers Think They’re Still Relevant

Steelers Name Team Captains

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Pouncey Free Hernandez

The Pittsburgh Steelers have elected their team captains for the upcoming season. The four captains are Ben Roethlisberger, Ryan Clark, Brett Keisel, and Maurkice Pouncey. Ben and Pouncer obviously represent the offense while Clark and Keis stand for the D. The Steelers usuallly have a special teams representative but for whatever reason it appears they won’t this season. Perhaps when they play less shitty they’ll be granted a seat at the big boy table. Read More »Steelers Name Team Captains

Steelers Roll Into Training Camp

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dump

The Pittsburgh Steelers arrived in Latrobe on Friday, officially kicking off training camp with their annual Welcome Back “conditioning test” aka long-ass run. I’m happy to report there were no stragglers this season, sparing us the ignominious sight of a lone out-of-shape fatso struggling to jiggle their enormous mass across the rolling hills of St. Vincent’s College (I’m looking at you, Casey Hampton). Even offensive lineman Mike Adams completed the test, an impressive feat considering he’s only two months removed from being stabbed in the gut.

Read More »Steelers Roll Into Training Camp

Aftermath Of A Devastating Steelers Loss

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The mood in Pittsburgh is not good. How seriously do we take our Steelers football? The day after each of our two Super Bowl losses, a figurative dark cloud hangs over the city. I currently live in the ‘burbs but I was still going to CMU when Neil O’Donnell threw we lost Super Bowl XXX. Taking a bus through town from my off-campus apartment, I had never seen more somber expressions in my life. It was positively funereal.

Now that we’ve had a few days to digest what has to be the most devastating non-Super Bowl loss in Black and Gold history, it’s time to focus on the off-season. Before closing the book on the 2011 campaign, though, here are a few quick tidbits that surfaced over the past couple days.

— Pittsburgh’s esteemed Mayor Luke Ravenstahl, made good on his bet with the mayor of Denver by Tebowing for the local news media. Everybody knows the Boy Wonder is a diehard fan so I’m not surprised he made a city-to-city bet on a Wild Card game. I am a bit surprised by the stakes. What if the Steelers had won? Would Denver’s mayor have to break his foot, then do body shots with a skanky coed?
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Week 6 Recap: Yo Gobble Gabbert

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Sometimes you drink the wine and sometimes you stomp the grapes. This week, the [intlink id=”21″ type=”category”]Pittsburgh Steelers[/intlink] put on a performance more reminiscent of prune juice. It started off nice and smooth but about an hour and a half later you were left with a queasy feeling that had you praying to the porcelain god that the whole ordeal would soon be over.

The scoreboard says the Black and Gold defeated the Jacksonville Jaguars 17-13. The Pessimistic Inner Yinzer says, “Hey yous guys, we was lucky to walk away with a W. Against a halfway decent team, we wouldn’t be so lucky n’at.” Bill Cowher was fond of saying you are what your record says you are while [intlink id=”86″ type=”category”]Mike Tomlin [/intlink]likes to say there are no awards for style points. Well, the win-loss column may say the Steelers are 4-2 but the style of play tells me this is not a 4-2 caliber team.

Picking up from last week’s thumping of the Tennessee Titans, the Steelers dominated on both sides of the ball for the first thirty minutes. The offense racked up 315 yards of total offense while the defense held Jacksonville under 90. [intlink id=”88″ type=”category”]Rashard Mendenhall[/intlink] ran like a spy drone was hot on his tail, ripping off a 68 yarder in route to a 113 yard first half performance. [intlink id=”14″ type=”category”]Ben Roethlisberger[/intlink] completed 11 passes for 181 yards, highlighted by a 28 yard touchdown to [intlink id=”82″ type=”category”]Mike Wallace[/intlink]. His opposite number, Jacksonville rookie quarterback Blaine Gabbert, couldn’t get anything going. He was under constant siege from a ferocious Blitzburgh defense, particularly [intlink id=”70″ type=”category”]LaMarr Woodley[/intlink] and  Brett Keisel, who would finish with two sacks apiece.
Read More »Week 6 Recap: Yo Gobble Gabbert