Week 16 Recap: Die Another Day

 Posted by at 8:03 am  Keisel's Beard, Le'Veon Bell, Mike Tomlin, NFL Playoffs, Secondary, Special Teams, Troy Polamalu  Comments Off on Week 16 Recap: Die Another Day
Dec 232013

Steelers another day

Talk about living a charmed life. In my preview for yesterday’s game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and Green Bay Packers, I ended by wondering what would happen if the Steelers’ slim playoff hopes were already extinguished by kickoff. Well, not only did every single domino fall their way in the early games, the New England Patriots did them a solid by hammering the Baltimore Ravens later in the afternoon. Yes, ladies and gentleman, the Black and Gold are still mathematically alive for the AFC Playoffs.

It’s a Christmas Miracle.

Of course, it would’ve all been moot had the Steelers not taken care of business by defeating the Packers. Their 38-31 victory was a wild affair featuring a little bit of everything: good offense, good defense, weather porn, special teams trickeration, a heart-stopping finish, and crooked referees doing their best to screw Pittsburgh over. It was the football version of a WWE wrestling match. And in the end, the good guys won. Continue reading »

Troy Polamalu Cuts Hair For Veterans

 Posted by at 11:20 am  Keisel's Beard, Troy Polamalu  Comments Off on Troy Polamalu Cuts Hair For Veterans
Nov 122013


Here’s a happy story to take a break from all the talk about whether the Pittsburgh Steelers should – or would – trade Ben Roethlisberger. Yesterday was Veteran’s Day. I’m sure many of you knew that because you didn’t have to go to work or school and instead spent the day on your computer searching for porn and not commenting on my blog. Scanning my site stats, I receive a number of hits from overseas so unless there is secretively a sect of Steeler Nation in Saudi Arabia, I can only assume some of you servicemen (and women) log in here from time to time.

Let me join others in (belatedly) thanking you for your service.

One person who went all-out for our veterans yesterday was future Hall of Fame safety Troy Polamalu. When I say “Troy,” I’m sure one of two images spring to mind. First, him launching himself with reckless abandon over the line of scrimmage. And second, his signature flowing mane that’s since become immortalized in a series of Head N’ Shoulders commercials. Continue reading »

Delusional Steelers Think They’re Still Relevant

 Posted by at 11:39 am  Antonio Brown, Big Ben, Keisel's Beard  Comments Off on Delusional Steelers Think They’re Still Relevant
Oct 292013

Pittsburgh Steelers Super Bowl XLV Media Availability

By the time you read this, Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin will have held his weekly press conference. I’ll gleefully mock his idiocy tomorrow. Until then, we have others joining him in the “WTF is he talking about?” club this week.

I realize football players aren’t smart. The vast majority of them can barely write their own names. And I realize they’re taught early on some simple strategies for dealing with the media. That’s why so many of them repeat the same cliches and the same sound bites over and over again. It’s rare when you find one truly capable of actual insight. Continue reading »

Steelers Name Team Captains

 Posted by at 12:28 pm  Big Ben, Keisel's Beard, Maurkice Pouncey, Ryan Clark  Comments Off on Steelers Name Team Captains
Sep 052013

Pouncey Free Hernandez

The Pittsburgh Steelers have elected their team captains for the upcoming season. The four captains are Ben Roethlisberger, Ryan Clark, Brett Keisel, and Maurkice Pouncey. Ben and Pouncer obviously represent the offense while Clark and Keis stand for the D. The Steelers usuallly have a special teams representative but for whatever reason it appears they won’t this season. Perhaps when they play less shitty they’ll be granted a seat at the big boy table. Continue reading »

Steelers Roll Into Training Camp

 Posted by at 2:28 am  Big Ben, Preseason  Comments Off on Steelers Roll Into Training Camp
Jul 292013


The Pittsburgh Steelers arrived in Latrobe on Friday, officially kicking off training camp with their annual Welcome Back “conditioning test” aka long-ass run. I’m happy to report there were no stragglers this season, sparing us the ignominious sight of a lone out-of-shape fatso struggling to jiggle their enormous mass across the rolling hills of St. Vincent’s College (I’m looking at you, Casey Hampton). Even offensive lineman Mike Adams completed the test, an impressive feat considering he’s only two months removed from being stabbed in the gut.

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Steelers Choose Team Captains

 Posted by at 10:14 am  Big Ben, Keisel's Beard  Comments Off on Steelers Choose Team Captains
Sep 052012

The Pittsburgh Steelers chose their team captains for the 2012 season. The results are another illustration that in many ways this year is going to be a transition year for the team. Unlike in previous years when half the team wore the “C” only two players were chosen to be captains. Ben Roethlisberger and Brett Keisel.

Last year, the team had four captains, one on defense (James Farrior), one on special teams (Arnaz Battle) and two on offense (Hines Ward and Ben). Now that I think look at it, it seems kind of weird they chose one captain defense and special teams but two on offense last season. Makes you wonder if there was some political maneuverings at play there. The team famously stripped Ben of his captaincy the year following his shenanigans down in Georgia so I can see team officials “encouraging” the players to make Ben a captain even though deep down everybody knew Hines was their undisputed leader.

The selection of Diesel is also an interesting one. Farrior was clearly the defense’s leader on the field but he was never their biggest star. While he’s long gone, the stars still remain. With all due respect to the commanding presence of Keisel’s beard, one would’ve thought a mainstay like Troy Polamalu or James Harrison would’ve been named captain. I guess James is sort of a lead by example type and Troy is far too quiet to be obvious choices while guys like Lawrence Timmons or LaMarr Woodley don’t have the seniority to be named captain.

I realize I’m probably over-analyzing this since the main duty of a team captain is call heads or tails in the event a game goes into overtime. That being the case, the chief factor in picking a captain should probably be nice clear enunciation. After all, we wouldn’t want a repeat of the Jerome Bettis Thanksgiving Coin Toss incident. Although with these replacement officials handling the duties, I wouldn’t be surprised if we did.


Jul 262012

And then some players rolled into St. Vincent’s driving a bright orange Kubota tractor. Although you can’t really see him in that shot, Pittsburgh Steelers defensive end Brett Keisel is behind the wheel of that bad boy. If that’s not awesome enough, he was carrying his bags in the shovel.

The Diesel keeps alive a grand Black and Gold tradition of at least one player arriving to Latrobe in a noteworthy vehicle. Joey Porter once made his entrance in a pimped out golf cart, a few vets coordinated arriving in a fleet of classic vehicles back in 2006, and then last season we had James Harrison showing up in a tiny German clown car, er, smart car. There was at least one Eco-conscious Steeler again this year as Keenan Lewis arrived in his own electric car. It must be some sort of promotional deal because I can’t fathom anybody buying one voluntarily.

Anyway, the Steelers 2012 training camp kicked off yesterday with the annual “Welcome Back” conditioning run. This is another storied aspect of camp lore. OT Jamain Stephens’ morbid obesity caused him to collapse in mid-run leading a disgusted Bill Cowher to release the 1996 first rounder two hours later. Mike Tomlin introduced himself to the Steelers in 2007 by making an out of shape Casey Hampton sit by himself on the sidelines until he could complete the run without passing out. Who could forget the sad sight of Big Snack, jiggly man-boobs flopping all about, running up and down the rolling hills of St. Vincent’s all by himself, the closing theme from the Incredible Hulk playing in the background.

Hampton didn’t have to participate in the run this year as he’s currently on the Physically Unable to Perform (PUP) list after having off-season ACL surgery. Five other Steelers join him on the PUP list including Rashard Mendenhall and Max Starks, both of whom are also recovering from torn ACLs. Does this team need to lay off the leg press or something? Jason Worilds (wrist surgery) and James Harrison (undisclosed leg problem) also begin camp on the PUP.

And then we have the guy who didn’t participate in the run because he’s not in Latrobe: Mike Wallace. Yes, Wallace followed through on his threat to hold out of camp unless he’s given a brand new contract. He’s the first player to hold out since Hines Ward‘s brief hold out back in 2005. That one came to an end when Cowher called Ward and told him, “If you want to get a new deal done, better get your ass to camp.”

What Tomlin has told Wallace, we do not know. He did tell the media that Wallace needs to understand that “this thing,” ie the Steelers, are bigger than any one person. He also added that it was “unfortunate” for Wallace that he didn’t show up. The Steelers had a different reaction. A reaction which can best be characterized by the letters F and U.

The Steelers, you see, don’t respond well to threats. They’ve traditionally refused to negotiate with a player who’s holding out and accordingly they’ve “broken off talks” with Wallace as long as he chooses to pursue his selfish course of action. It appears they won’t talk to him until he shows his weasel face at camp which is an interesting Catch-22 because he can’t report to camp until he signs his damn tender. At this point it’s a literal stalemate with neither side seemingly willing to blink first.

Oh well, at least we had a nice quiet off-season…

Aftermath Of A Devastating Steelers Loss

 Posted by at 10:36 am  Blog News, Casey Hampton, Hines Ward, Injury Report, NFL Playoffs, Offensive Line  Comments Off on Aftermath Of A Devastating Steelers Loss
Jan 112012

The mood in Pittsburgh is not good. How seriously do we take our Steelers football? The day after each of our two Super Bowl losses, a figurative dark cloud hangs over the city. I currently live in the ‘burbs but I was still going to CMU when Neil O’Donnell threw we lost Super Bowl XXX. Taking a bus through town from my off-campus apartment, I had never seen more somber expressions in my life. It was positively funereal.

Now that we’ve had a few days to digest what has to be the most devastating non-Super Bowl loss in Black and Gold history, it’s time to focus on the off-season. Before closing the book on the 2011 campaign, though, here are a few quick tidbits that surfaced over the past couple days.

— Pittsburgh’s esteemed Mayor Luke Ravenstahl, made good on his bet with the mayor of Denver by Tebowing for the local news media. Everybody knows the Boy Wonder is a diehard fan so I’m not surprised he made a city-to-city bet on a Wild Card game. I am a bit surprised by the stakes. What if the Steelers had won? Would Denver’s mayor have to break his foot, then do body shots with a skanky coed?
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Polamalu’s Hair vs Keisel’s Beard: Who Ya Got?

 Posted by at 5:20 am  Injury Report, Keisel's Beard, Troy Polamalu, Videos  Comments Off on Polamalu’s Hair vs Keisel’s Beard: Who Ya Got?
Oct 192011

[intlink id=”166″ type=”category”]Pittsburgh Steelers[/intlink] head coach Mike Tomlin had his weekly chatfest with the media yesterday. Of course the topic on everyone’s mind was the status of superstar safety [intlink id=”57″ type=”category”]Troy Polamalu[/intlink], who missed most of the fourth quarter against Jacksonville after exhibiting “concussion-like symptoms.” Symptoms no doubt exacerbated by clueless moron Ryan Clark headbutting a dazed Troy after he took a Muy Thai knee to the noggin’ trying to stop Maurice Jones-Drew. Breathe a sigh of relief Steeler Nation, according to Tomlin he has passed a concussion test and should be “good to go” this Sunday when the Black and Gold face off against Pittsburgh West Arizona.

Also in the lineup on Sunday will be defensive end [intlink id=”173″ type=”category”]Brett Keisel[/intlink], who battled a knee injury during the preseason which hampered his play and eventually caused him to miss two games but has been an absolute beast since making his return. Last week, the Diesel was a one-man wrecking crew, registering six tackles, two sacks and batting down a pass. The week before, his deflection at the line of scrimmage led to the team’s one and only interception of the season. I don’t think it can be argued he has been by far our best defensive lineman this season and an argument could be made he was our best last year as well. Not bad for a 7th round pick back in 2002 who was basically an afterthought until he finally came into his own in 2008.

Of course, the rise in Keisel’s level of play can be directly linked to the length of his facial hair. The Power of the Beard imbued him with the strength of three ordinary men last season. This year, it has healed his sprained PCL and put him back on the field better than ever. The Beard has inspired a cult following here in the ‘Burgh with “Fear The Beard” t-shirts flying off the shelves. This year, Keisel has a new shirt, which you can purchase off his website by clicking here, all proceeds going to charity.

Troy Polamalu’s hair needs no introduction. Before the Beard, Troy’s luxurious mane were the most famous follicles in football. Say that ten times fast. I couldn’t even imagine how Troy would play without the hair to give him strength. The story of Samson leaps to mind.

Anyway, the folks over at Head & Shoulders have finally went where they should have went long ago. They’ve produced a most excellent commercial featuring both our hirsute heroes (and Hines Ward, who threatens to steal the whole thing with his Mr. T-esque “You lyin’ fool!”). About time, Head & Shoulders. You’ve wasted a golden advertising opportunity for almost two years now. I hope we get a few more Beard vs Hair spots in the near future. Not since King Kong faced off against Godzilla has there been a more eagerly anticipated battle.

So, Steeler Nation, Troy’s hair against Diesel’s beard…  Who ya got?


Week 6 Recap: Yo Gobble Gabbert

 Posted by at 3:03 am  Big Ben, Keisel's Beard, LaMarr Woodley, Recaps, Troy Polamalu  Comments Off on Week 6 Recap: Yo Gobble Gabbert
Oct 172011

Sometimes you drink the wine and sometimes you stomp the grapes. This week, the [intlink id=”21″ type=”category”]Pittsburgh Steelers[/intlink] put on a performance more reminiscent of prune juice. It started off nice and smooth but about an hour and a half later you were left with a queasy feeling that had you praying to the porcelain god that the whole ordeal would soon be over.

The scoreboard says the Black and Gold defeated the Jacksonville Jaguars 17-13. The Pessimistic Inner Yinzer says, “Hey yous guys, we was lucky to walk away with a W. Against a halfway decent team, we wouldn’t be so lucky n’at.” Bill Cowher was fond of saying you are what your record says you are while [intlink id=”86″ type=”category”]Mike Tomlin [/intlink]likes to say there are no awards for style points. Well, the win-loss column may say the Steelers are 4-2 but the style of play tells me this is not a 4-2 caliber team.

Picking up from last week’s thumping of the Tennessee Titans, the Steelers dominated on both sides of the ball for the first thirty minutes. The offense racked up 315 yards of total offense while the defense held Jacksonville under 90. [intlink id=”88″ type=”category”]Rashard Mendenhall[/intlink] ran like a spy drone was hot on his tail, ripping off a 68 yarder in route to a 113 yard first half performance. [intlink id=”14″ type=”category”]Ben Roethlisberger[/intlink] completed 11 passes for 181 yards, highlighted by a 28 yard touchdown to [intlink id=”82″ type=”category”]Mike Wallace[/intlink]. His opposite number, Jacksonville rookie quarterback Blaine Gabbert, couldn’t get anything going. He was under constant siege from a ferocious Blitzburgh defense, particularly [intlink id=”70″ type=”category”]LaMarr Woodley[/intlink] and  Brett Keisel, who would finish with two sacks apiece.
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